I'm sorry hear this. Know that everyone on the forums is here with you every step of the way, and you have friends here on the forums.
Know that what you are going through is normal and that's okay. You will come out the other end when you are ready.
Also, if you need anyone to talk to or if you need support from anyone, get in touch with Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport . There is also Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Lifeline crisis chat 7pm - 12am at https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/ .
Wishing you courage and strength,