I'm at a loss here, my mother passed away in the uk at the age of 75 3 days ago and I think it's starting to hit me only now.

I've become angry, irritable and distant - the only family I have here is my wife and I'm pushing her away and doing the same to my brother and sister in the uk away, the messed up part is that I know I'm doing it but cant stop almost like I want to destroy everything. Feeling that if i push hard enough they will all leave me alone and they will be better off for it.

I'm just rambling here as i don't know what to say or what to do, christ I haven't even shed a tear what is wrong with me, all I am is angry not even upset!!!

I just want to stop being a dick and hurting the most important person to me but have no clue how to do this,

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through.

Grief is hard. Pushing away your loved ones is completely understandable. It is a stage of grief. You don't have to cry when you are going through grief. Everyone is different and deals with death differently.

Speaking to a psychologist can really help you through it. If you feel guilty pushing away your loved ones then I think it's a good idea to see one.

In the meantime, Beyond blue has a 24/7 call service, 1300 22 4636, for whenever you are feeling very angry with yourself.

Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

Condolences on your recent loss. This is a road we all must travel and I feel for your suffering.
You are bottling it all up, and pushing people away is a defence mechanism for your grief which has yet to surface. It is likely you feel that cork at the base of your throat and part of you wants to deny the reality - further complicated by distance leaving you feeling helpless.
Your loved ones will understand, but you are tormenting yourself for now. If I were you (as I have been), I would tell them what you posted here so they know you need time to yourself. You'll open up when you are ready and it will be a blessed release for you in the process.
Think fondly of your mother and allow yourself to mourn without restraint - no matter how old we become, we are always our parents' children.

Perfectly normal mate. It's the 5 stages of grief.

Don't be too hard on yourself, your family and wife will understand and be there for you when you're ready.

Stay strong.

Sorry for your loss.

You may be pushing your family and wife away to try and not feel those emotions that you currently are not ready to feel.

I was angry when my grandmother passed away and did not want to speak to my family about it because personally that made the loss "real".

If you have some form of outlet that you can begin to release your anger (for me I enjoy exercise so running and punching a boxing bag worked well).

Just know everyone grieves differently and that is perfectly normal.