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Forums / Grief and loss / Young Person Gone

Topic: Young Person Gone

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Marcsa
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Marcsa avatar
    54 posts
    20 April 2016

    Hi,

    I feel so ridiculous. A friend of mine, not that close.... but still. Took his own life yesterday. He was 28.

    So talented, so good looking, such potential. I'm nearly twice as old as him and have done maybe half as much. It is so senseless. I don't know the details of how it happened. There is an enormous outpouring of emotion on Social Media. I am myself depressed about other issues in my life, I have two similarly aged young adult children.

    My tears for this young man seem so disproportionate. There is nothing I could have done I think, I really don't know. I regret not appreciating the small interactions that I had with him. I wish that this were a joke or some fantasy story that is not the reality.

    It's very sad. I don't know how to get past this. So much grief flows through my entire life. ( Sounds so pretentious)

    I didn't want to put these thoughts on other online media, because of the disproportionality. It is a kind of letter to the young man and Cosmos of how I'm thinking.

  2. pipsy
    pipsy avatar
    2255 posts
    20 April 2016 in reply to Marcsa

    Dear Marcsa. Lynda here. Even though you weren't that close, the pain from losing your friend is still there. If you feel your children are at risk of harming themselves or you think they may be thinking of ending, please don't hesitate contacting our helpline, or lifeline. It's so sad that your young friend didn't reach out in time for someone to be there for him. Tears when we lose someone whatever the reason are never disproportionate. The tragedy of the loss is real and grieving for them is part of the process. Will you be attending the funeral, if you are, perhaps, if his family are there, you could share your memories of him in happier times. I'm sure the person would have been grateful for your friendship. I would also consider writing the young man a letter telling him you'll miss him. It sounds as though he was in a very dark place and didn't have the emotional strength to reach out. Please feel free to contact our helpline if you wish to talk. Sometimes talking helps to release the pain. Crying is also part of the healing and is important.

    We're here 24/7, keep in touch if you need to.

    Lynda

  3. PatT
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PatT avatar
    227 posts
    20 April 2016 in reply to Marcsa

    Hi Marsca,

    Grief and regret are all too common when someone takes their life as we have a difficult time rationalising it, especially when the person is young. It must be particularly bothersome for you having kids around the same age as it wraps you in a "what if?" mentality, considering how it would affect you were to lose your own children. Your grief is natural but you shouldn't have to feel guilt over not appreciating small social interactions. You, like all of us, have your own lived reality that consists of difficulties, tribulations and worries and you can't live every moment exactly in the present.

    When things like this happen in my life it always makes me reflect positively on the things I have yet feel a great sadness in empathy for the person and their family experiencing tragedy. A neighbour of mine died last week - a lovely old man that, with his wife, had lived across the road from me since I was 2 and had at times been like surrogate grandparents to me. His funeral made me appreciate what I can - family, health, some financial stability. And that is what I took out of the situation.

    Perhaps you could use this tragedy to really acknowledge the important things in your life, like family and your children. Try not to be filled with regret but appreciate the transience and unpredictability of life.

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