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Topic: A Common Story?

  1. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    23 January 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Tim,

    lately I have spent time thinking about how I fit into the world. Your posts have given me more to think about and that most of us have these thoughts.

    quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  2. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    25 January 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    I know this is "my" story but with your thinking about how you fit into the world, what have you come up with?

    The last couple of weeks have been stressful for different reasons but none that I can remember for the moment, except that once thinking I could not wait for this year to end. And a phone call I had yesterday highlighted the positive aspects of some things I had done as I don't get excited about things I have done or completed. It's funny because say if someone else has finished a unit/subject I tell them well done, but I don't think about doing it for myself. and there are plenty of opportunities (spaces) for that.

    A list of issues (reminder for self)

    • consider myself lesser than others
    • problems are initially a mountain, yet I still push through to resolve. Would rather mountain were smaller.
    • Shoulds
    • Wanting to disappear sometimes
    • Living in the past
    • future telling myself (reading between the lines) making things seem worse than that are
    • Unable to explain myself well enough -> dumb
    • Feel like I do things incorrectly even when if I am told it's OK
    • Guilt/Shame

    I am writing this list so as a reminder for when I next see my psychologist. Things are getting better as they are not as bad or often as previously. And in writing out the list, I can some of these are related to each other like the first and last item. Or a link between mistake, dumb and disappearing. Perhaps work out a way to the break the links. I will get there - hopefully.

    3 people found this helpful
  3. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    29 January 2020
    Sorry I have not been around lately. Been down the last few days and have a prac tomorrow. Should be back online then.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    30 January 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Smallwolf,

    our list on the 25 jan is a good reminder of patterns we fall into.

    I have defined myself because of what I do, does this make me a lesser person as I no longer have that occupation?

    I am sorry you have been down.I find others expectations of me to be the hardest because others seem ok if we are ok but are uncomfortable if we are honest.

    Thanks again for that list, I found it helpful.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
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    30 January 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky, Tim and all..🤗..

    I’m sorry Tim to hijack your post.....

    Awe Quirky, sweetheart..There is no way that you no longer having your occupation makes you a lesser person...Not at all...I feel sad this has happened to anyone especially to such a beautiful person like you...You are still you, you are still the same person, that you were before this tragedy happened...Please lovely Quirky..Try hard to not to think that way, or let the loss of your occupation defy you....

    I can’t imagine ever the way your feeling...I wish I can offer you more comfort, like you have for me...I want to let you know I care about you sweetheart..and am deeply sorry of your struggles....Believe in you Quirky...Be kind to you..and look after you the best you can..

    Love and hugs lovely lady..💜🤗..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Saree_p
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    668 posts
    18 February 2020
    Hi Tim,
    How you going today? I hope a lot better.
    Saree
    1 person found this helpful
  7. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    19 February 2020 in reply to Saree_p

    I am better today compared to yesterday... someone made a comment along the lines of "he can do a much better job than ..." . S wanted to speak the person who said this to me but I said not to worry at the moment. Calling it strike 1 myself. I am so used to hearing comments like this that I treated it like it was a typical thing someone would say vs bullying.

    For homework I have to write about 5 qualities that are important to me, and my psychologist wants to me fill up at least an A4 sheet of paper - my problem is believing in reframed thoughts. One of the things that I was speaking about with her was that I feel like other people speak down to me like I am a child, and that I feel that I am stuck as a 12 year old. Funnily enough I am reading a book about a psychiatrist journey into depression and that age is not that uncommon. Because I am "stuck" there, I don't feel equal to others. There is a whole bunch more. I think you get the idea.

    On the plus side - I just completed another module in my counselling though have to submit it and only have 2 pracs to go as well! Nearly there. And I spoke with the people there about future study options as well. And I started checking out counselling jobs in my area also.

    That has been my last couple of days.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  8. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    19 February 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    PS. In relation to the comment it was in relation to looking after the rubbish bins. Other stuff happened before this comment was made... sometimes other people don't have a filter between their brain and mouth and have an ability to make others feel so small and insignificant.
    1 person found this helpful
  9. quirkywords
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    20 February 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Tim,

    I am going to do your homework 5 qualities that are important to me. Let me know how you found the exercise if you like.

    Congratulations for nearly finishing your course.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  10. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    20 February 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Two items on the list (so far) are -

    • honesty/truthful
    • non-judgemental

    For me it is the important that I look for attributes in myself or aspire to or feel that others might not be showing to me. I selected honesty/truthful to help me believe in reframed thoughts. There are people I am around who are very judgemental which I do not like.

    I think that i might have to add "accepting" to the list as well - to accept there is an alternative reframed thought that maybe truthful.

    Put another way, it is important for me to find things that may enable me that I am OK and to accept the 12 year old version of me and move forward.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Saree_p
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    23 April 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    How are you going Tim?
  12. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    23 April 2020 in reply to Saree_p

    Working from home.

    Some of the physical symptoms have returned yet not as bad as a year ago so there must be some improvement. I am able to work at the office for 2 days a week as I find these symptoms do not present themselves there. Go figure! And at home I am irritable, grumpy etc. The wife and kids ask me if I am having a bad day constantly and whether I have taken my medication. At home you can easily fall back into bad habits and with the pseudo-lock-down I am not getting the exercise I used to. Zoom meetings are difficult to get involved in - trying not be interrupt someone else and if you raise your hand it is not seen.

    I am over Covid-19. I don't watch the news. The media were and are hopeless, selling worst case scenarios.

    On the depression side - that is another side and best left for the psychologist.

    I am coping.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Saree_p
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    24 April 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    I hear u Tim,

    I'm over it too.

    Its so difficult working from home isn't it. And zoom or online meeting are the same at all.

    I hope everything settles soon!!

    Thoughts with you,

    Saree
    1 person found this helpful
  14. demonblaster
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    24 April 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hey Wolfy ☺ and everyone

    Just popping in to say I'm listening care and think of you ☺

  15. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    20 June 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey Tim, Replying to you here... You just wrote a compassionate letter to yourself. I know it was hard to do. You were talking about...

    STUPID / FAILURE / NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH
    EMBARRASSED / SHAME / NOT WORTHY

    You also showed yourself you are not the things above. I know that can be hard to believe. A contradiction in what you believe about yourself vs reality. Give yourself time to process the letter. You are not what you wrote above or worse.

    I care about you,

    2 people found this helpful
  16. demonblaster
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    20 June 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Wolfy I don't think either you're what you said and feel above.

    I too care about you as many do.

    You are very worthwhile. You're a good hearted kind caring intelligent person who deserves peace.

    Please look after yourself

    🍃

  17. Doolhof
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    21 June 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi Tim, Db and All,

    How is everyone doing? Anyone else feel like this has been one heck of a year already?

    There certainly have been lots of changes. It is interesting to note in what areas of life I am coping and in which areas I have not been doing so good.

    There has been time for reflection and hopefully some new skills and strategies can be learnt o cope differently with life.

    Now it is time to readjust to the new world!

    Hope you are all managing okay the best way you can.

    Cheers from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Saree_p
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    27 June 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Hey Tim,

    Just wanted to drop in an say Hi.

    Keep remembering how we all see you; a kind, caring and compassionate person with many, many wonderful traits/skills to offer.

    Saree
    1 person found this helpful
  19. quirkywords
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    28 June 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Tim

    a letter yourself can be revealing and confronting, it is hard when we have negative thoughts about ourself but we can show these are nit true, sometimes those negative thoughts are powerful and still there and can be so exhausting to fight.

    Donyou write many letters to yourself . I tend to write them when confused or when someone has been extra critical to me and I need to process 5heir words without absorb8ng them.
    quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  20. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    5 October 2020

    Hi Tim. What has happened to you since last time?

    Turned 50. Yeah, Old! Went out to dinner with family last night to celebrate. In the week before birthday I got my Dip. of Counselling papers. Yay! I am still learning about myself. Have a psych session on Thu. I cannot remember what we are going to talk about . Long story short... still learning about myself. There are still things to talk about - how I think about myself. This morning, I am procrastinating a bit. I looked back at the 1st post I made and it was nearly 3 years ago. There are some days I feel good and then think I am faking it. And as I write this, I think this is something I will be managing rather than curing- rolling with the good and the bad.

    2 people found this helpful
  21. Ggrand
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    5 October 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hello Tim..l.

    Happy 50th birthday...All the best wishes I have for you..I hope your dinner was special..the big 5O...no Tim..not old..your only as old as you feel...age is only a number...I was a teenager when you were born.....

    and a huge congratulations on getting your Diploma on counselling...Well done...

    kind and caring thoughts Tim...🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈 x 10 = 🎈50 balloons...start popping them 😂.

    Grandy...

    1 person found this helpful
  22. quirkywords
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    5 October 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Tim you are a youngster. Happy Birthday.

    I see you getting wiser and kinder every day.

    1 person found this helpful
  23. CMF
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    6 October 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Happy Birthday Tim and congrats on your Diploma! What a great achievement. You will make a wonderful counsellor, you are thoughtful, caring, gentle. It comes across in your posts. I too feel I am taking the 'good' days at times, hoping I can convince myself it is a 'good' day...manifesting.

    Nothing wrong with rolling with it, it's all about balance.

    Hope today is a good one.

    Cmf x
    1 person found this helpful
  24. demonblaster
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    6 October 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hey Mr Wolfy and to your lovely friends 👋

    Hope your birthday was a really nice one. Nah you're still young matey. I remember Mum saying people often struggle with the 0's.

    Wow you sure had plenty to celebrate 😀 congratulations on your counselling diploma. I imagine that'd be quite a load off too.

    Such a fantastic achieve. Can't believe how quick it went.

    I wonder although it'd be fantastic if we could if it's possible to be on top of everything all the time. After all so much of our coping system is down to sleep and energy that's reduced greatly if we sleep poorly which effects our strength

    I think you've done and are doing incredibly well. Be gentle and kind to yourself Wolfy.

    I wonder how you're getting on 🙂

    🌴

    1 person found this helpful
  25. monkey_magic
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    7 October 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Hi Tim,

    Congrats on the dip of councilling and turning the big 5-0 whoohoo.

    Lots to celebrate. Does that mean a change of careers now?

    Well done.
    1 person found this helpful
  26. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    7 October 2020 in reply to monkey_magic
    Hi monkey_magic... Yes and no. I will be moving into that space and just have to tie up some loose ends first. I certainly will not be leaving here anytime soon - you lot have been a great support for me and the little that I can do here as a way of giving back in return...

    Tim
    2 people found this helpful
  27. smallwolf
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    1 November 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    @monkey - that is the plan.

    hello to @cmf, @grandy, @demon, @quirky.... your responses mean the world to me. You are all wonderful people.

    funny how I can get into a down mood and I cannot explain what happened to get into that state. only 1 person today really saw me for how I was today. Some others were either losing their touch or I am getting better at hiding it or .... I know I need to book another blood appt with Red Cross - the last one was cancelled because they were too close (quarterly). Fri was a low day as well, although then I had someone to distract me for a bit.

    so I just did a google search for

    when you don't know why you are depressed

    and got some interesting answers and I looked back at events over the last week, visualizing what happened. and what I was worked out was I am blaming myself for things outside of my control and using statements like I am doing the best I can or I wish...

    ... and I remind myself of going into a valley while trying to get to the top of the mountain. However, now the valley seems to be going into the mountain and down, where it is dark and silent. I am still moving forward.

    2 people found this helpful
  28. demonblaster
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    2 November 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hey Mr Wolfy and all 👋

    Good seeing you.

    I'm glad you're not leaving here Mr.

    Keep moving forward. You've achieved a great deal since we first met you. Well done.

    I hope you feel happier and that you have more control over your feelings.

    Take good care

    🕊

  29. Doolhof
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    2 November 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi Tim,

    Sorry to read you are struggling at the moment. It can be exhausting when we feel we have to hide how we are feeling from other people. I realise sometimes that might be necessary when we are at work or in different settings.

    I wonder if it would be liberating or frightening and confronting for people to speak their reality when they are asked how they are? How often do we say we are fine when we are anything but fine!

    I've never thought to Google "when you don't know why you are depressed".

    Good thing you were able to look back on your week objectively and were able to find some answers.

    So where to from here?

    How are you going with your image of the valleys and the mountains?

    I haven't been around for a while, so Congratulations on your diploma!

    Cheers to you from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  30. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    2 November 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Tim so sorry you have been down.

    when you don't know why you are depressed, I have another question

    Why must there be a reason to be depressed. .?

    I know I used to spend so much time trying to analyse every mood but it is what it is.

    I hope you get to the top of the mountain.

    take care

    1 person found this helpful

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