hi Moonstruck, please forgive me in not mentioning that it's great to see you post again, I'm good thanks, but more so I would like to know how you are doing yourself.

A big sorry. Geoff.

Hey there Geoff....apart from wishing I could have a drink (or four) to help put a smile on my dial as I try to work out certain decisions in my life at present.....I am OK.

Hey guess what? I was going to post you tonight anyway because an RBT cop, just one bloke, waved me over today.....did that faze me? Not in the least! Once I would have begun shaking like a leaf out of apprehension, fear and guilt.....but no, I gave him a huge smile and said I had given up drinking 4.5 years ago, and he was the very first cop to breath test me....all these years and no RBT team has pulled me over!

He laughed and asked how long it had been since I had a drink. I said "Four and a half years...so if the machine registers anything, there's something seriously wrong with the machine!". He was very nice. Funny how when I was drinking, they seemed much more frightening and mean! yeah, funny that! I guess our old friend Kaz is OK. I knew she was working somewhere so hopefully all is well with her health and well being now.

I believe you can have a few drinks though can't you? Well then, why can't I Geoff? How do you know it's automatically going to make me drink more and more and more. Or do I have that wrong,and you are completely tee total now?........all the best to you.....cheers...Moon S

Hi JayT,

Just dropping in to this thread and saw your post. We too live in a wine region. Thankfully for me I do not like wine much at all. I prefer a nice stout, even on a hot summers day. I used to be quite a heavy drinker when I was young. Started in secondary school for me. I went to older friend's home lunch time and usually had a liquid lunch!

I had a problem for a few years, than discovered on my antidepressant medication I could only have one drink at the most, and not even every day.

Now I hardly drink at all and am much happier with a tea or coffee or water. When we go out I am always the designated driver and that suits me fine.

Living in a wine region, where your friends might well enjoy a drop or two of wine must be difficult. Have you ever thought of taking along some non alcoholic wine when you are with friends?

You can still drink it in fancy wine glasses, at the end of the night, you will feel happier for your choice of non alcoholic wine and you will be able to thank yourself for it in the morning.

Like Geoff mentioned, we all have times where we don't manage to stop ourselves from doing something we wish we hadn't done. That is okay. Learn from these lapses and try to do things differently the next time.

Best of luck to you. Try a few non alcoholic wines and see which ones you like. You will still look the part.

Funny thing is, when you are the only one sober you can see how different people are after they have consumed a few drinks!

Cheers from Dools

hello Moon, thanks for your reply, and I still drink socially, but there's becomes a point when I feel that's enough, it's where you could say to the person saying to you, 'one for the road', or it may happen when you know how you are feeling when you're drinking, it's something you've learnt in your mind as each drink takes effect, how you actually feel, but not by thinking what you may say when alcohol is involved, because when you are sober, you wouldn't dare say it, that's when you know you have to stop.
It's difficult to explain but if there was someone there with you, then that's when it's easier, but if you say that 'I'll have another before I go', is when it maybe time to give it up. Geoff.

Hi Geoff...yes I thought you were able to drink socially. gosh I am envious of you..you lucky thing! We all realise of course that there is absolutely nothing stopping me from doing the same. No law that does not allow me to order a wine or beer at the Club and chat pleasantly away to the others. Nothing to stop me from enjoying a quiet private glass of wine while watching a Dvd or eating a nice dinner. I can choose to do this.

I don't know if you realise I was never the sort of drinker who "one was not enough" and had to keep going until drunk. I could stop after a couple if the situation warranted that. Does this mean I could drink socially like you....with just one or two? I guess no one knows the answer to that.

Is there the possibility if I do so when really upset about something, the "one or two" would escalate into more, simply because it was "medicating me" and lowering the anxiety? and would this start the journey of horror rolling once more? Do you think it's best not to tempt fate to find out? (I am still jealous of you being able to drink socially...you lucky thing!)..........cheers...Moon S

Hi,

Have only just found this thread, there is a lot in and I haven't read through it yet.

brief outline 43 years old and battled drinking for over 20 years. It cost me everything in life and made me miss out on soooo much more of it. January 19 2018 I will be 4 years sober (lets just get through today first shall we!!)

I love not drinking and love being sober but it hasn't been easy and at times still isn't easy. I relied on it so much to get me through life's ups and downs. The sun was out (lets have a drink) Its raining (Lets have a drink) Its Mongolian Independence day (lets have a drink, November 24 btw :))

After around 20 years of this I completely lost who I was, my world was upside down and my brain was fried. Every time I picked up a drink I wanted to end my own life and on a few occasions went through with it (Thankfully I did not succeed) I was lost, drinking alone in a dark room everyday until I passed out or threw up or both. I needed help.

I got help through various outlets and almost 4 years later I have not picked up a drink and it is my single greatest achievement in life.

Was it easy? Heck NO !!! but so far up until today I haven't felt or needed to pick up a drink and I love that feeling of not reaching for a bottle, not being hungover the next day, having to have 2 or 3 drinks to kick my body into gear in the morning just to function.

Do I struggle? Yes I struggle a lot, not with drinking but with everyday life. I find it difficult now to meet people and suffer from bad social anxiety and at times can just live like a hermit and not venture out into the big bad world. It can take me an hour or so to muster the courage to go and buy some milk and I know only too well that I can use the self serve thing and not have to actually interact with people !!

For this stuff I am also trying to get help and I see it as my "next" challenge in life. I don't have my crutch (of alcohol) anymore and have brilliantly avoided life while I sort my addictions out but now it is time for the next chapter in life and I am hopeful that I can overcome and power on to the life that I would like.

I just thought I would share this as a means for me to get it off my chest and see it written down (Ok typed) and use it as a motivation for myself to see how far I have come and where I would like to be in the future.

But for right now I am OK.

Regards

Marc74

Hi and welcome to BB

I'm 17 years sober now so know what your going through. Took me years to finally get my medication right for anxiety and depression. All I can recommend is what was taught to me.

Its small steps..try going out to see a movie on your own..alot of people do. I was surrised first time I did. Instead of driving everywhere maybe catch transport sometimes. Older people tend to be open to chat. My favorite was to catch the ferry because water relaxes me and I'd have somewhere to look.

A.A has alot of weekends away and if your lonely you can allways grab a coffee with people there.

My partner and I met in recovery and only slowed down once we had our son. But some of my best memories are of weekends away with fires on the beach and people all ages basically clowning around just having fun..definitely not what most would think of as recovering alcoholics.

Hi. Kaazl This is my first post. I read somewhere on this forum but I can’t find it again - but I think you gave a reply - a post that talked about anxiety with a hangover. The post was so real for me. I have battled depression from a very early age - I think since about the age of 12 if I remember correctly- and then alcohol from then on. I have had so many shameful times since then relating to alcohol- the break up of a marriage- an affair- I am disgusted in myself and am trying to change - but find alcohol or the habit so hard. I get so very sick from hangovers and I have usually done something stupid. Nowadays I am too afraid to go out with friends for fear of getting drunk and making a fool of myself. And I am not that young anymore.

Hello Carol D, and a warm welcome to you.

Firstly please don't feel disgusted in yourself because there are many reasons why people drink alcohol and to suffer from depression at such an early age is the possibility why you have, but you're not the only person who feels this way.

Actually, Kazzl has not been on the forums for quite a while now, she took up another job I'm sorry to say, and this thread hasn't been active for over a year now but pleased you have reactivated it.

Whatever type of anxiety you have such as social and/or generalized anxiety, then it's possible to turn to alcohol as a way of self-medicating to cope with your stress and become dependent on alcohol, but once you stop then there are changes that occur after drinking which can explain why alcohol causes your anxiety.

The trouble is you believe that drinking helps you with your anxiety and that's where the problem begins, so hangovers can trigger anxiety attacks.

Feelings of paranoia that something bad must have happened because of how bad you feel, plus your body has to recover so you're in a withdrawal stage, headaches, mouth dry, think as though you've said something to embarrass yourself or verbally hurt another person, dehydration, poor judgement, moody and the list goes on.

You might be unable to differentiate the anxiety caused by your drinking from the anxiety you had in the first place.

If you suffer from anxiety it maybe possible for you to learn how to cope with stress without alcohol being present, I know that's not easy but may need to be done under a controlled situation, if this is possible.

What maybe best is to write down the stress, your anxiety and other problems on a piece of paper so you can then take this to a doctor/psychologist and found out the trigger points that are the cause for your drinking.

I feel sorry for you because you are not alone, not only in drinking but also finding solutions to your anxiety because they change every day.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

Carol,

I too welcome you to the forum and this thread.

Geoff has written a very helpful reply.

I used to drink when I was high and I wasn't covering up emotions I was just adding to my feeling of elation.

When I was depressed I didn't drink .

I know all about shameful moments from when I was very manic and had way too many drinks.

The shame makes you drink more the next day when you realise what you really did the night before.

I don't drink much now as I am on medication.

You are not alone and there is support here.

Quirky

Carol....

You will find our Geoff very supportive and understands what you are experiencing. He will be great to talk to here...so post on here whenever you feel like it. A lot of us have been just where you are now..........love you....Moon S.

Hi Carol D, and thanks Quirky and Moonstruckforyour lovely comments.

I just want to say Carol that it's terrific for you to bring this thread back, actually, I had forgotten all about it.

What I'm worried about is the breakup of your marriage and the affair which you have mentioned and there are always reasons why this has happened so there can't be any blame on why this happened, so please if you want to get back to us that would be great.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Thank you Geoff, Moonstruck and Quirky Words

I don’t want to be taking time away from someone spiraling out of control so thank you for your time

I don’t want to give the impression that I am in a risky situation- I am now in a good relationship- though the years after my marriage breakdown until about three years ago is another story) and have a good job etc.

I never realised that others felt the same which is why I wanted to thank this forum I have actually never written in a forum like this and DEFINITELY not about my feelings of alcohol abuse - so thank you for this safe place

Geoff I am not sure I will ever get rid of the feelings of shame - I can’t blame just the alcohol but myself. I only hope my former husband finds someone who truly loves him

It’s funny isn’t it - one would think that you would learn quite quickly to regulate yourself once you recognise you have a problem- I didn’t until 6 months ago. After another very embarrassing situation- which of course caused the spiral - I finally had cause to look back on everything major in my life that caused me worry - I am sure it is no surprise to this forum that alcohol was involved- though Geoff - your words ring true - what is behind the drinking. I must confess though after so many years of dealing with depression- I am hesitant to go through counseling about alcohol

I am trying to moderate my drinking- I do find it hard if there is alcohol (wine) in the house and as mentioned I avoid situations where I might have a drink with friends which I know is not sustainable

But I am hopeful that if I continue to have at the forefront of my mind the potential embarrassment it may help. Reading this forum has been amazing and I think will also help and I wish I had come across it earlier.

Thank you again

Hi Everyone,

I hope that you are all doing well.

Drinking has become a problem for me over the last 7 or 8 months, and i don't feel that i am at the point of alcoholism, but if it was a destination on a map its probably within walking distance.

The other day I was at a psychiatrists appointment and she asked me how much I drink, first appointment, and i was more than a little perturbed to realise that I has drank approximately 20 standard drinks the night before. and i didn't include the alcohol id had at a winery at lunch that day.

This was over a period of about 5 hours while watching tv with my partner and then next to her in bed while watching netflix.

talking with her it was clear that i needed to arrest this behaviour and make better choices.

The steps I've taken since then are to get some mid strength drinks and to decide before hand how much is reasonable to have and then to stick to that.

I bought a litre of Sailor Jerry a week ago and there is still around half of the bottle left. for me this is huge, generally that wouldn't have lasted the weekend, and generally I have a few beers(4 +) before I start free pouring.

most people would say "you've still had close to 40 standard drinks in the last week", I have had other non sailor products, but i feel happy that I've wanted more and stopped because I realised that i have had enough and also that I've chosen to have alcohol free nights.

I appreciate all of the stories that have been shared in here, wish you all well on your journeys and hope to become someone who can enjoy just one or two or none and not feel like i'm missing out on anything.

Carol,

Thanks for your reply.

Everyone is welcome here and no one takes time away from another.

I am glad you are in a supportive relationship and you have found writing and reading here helpful.

Feel free to post here whenever you want to.

Thanks again for your honesty as sharing your story will be helping others.

Quirky

Nahmate, welcome to this thread.

Thanks for sharing your story and letting us know insights into your behaviour.

This is a supportive place so feel free to post here and let us know how you are going if you want to.

Quirky

Hi Carol and Nahmate, I'm sorry for the late reply, but for many people, drinking alcohol is a way to relax, to either celebrate an occasion, an achievement or special event but it can also be used as a tool for something that didn't meet what we had expected and likely to conceal what we feel.

Shame is something we might feel when we believe others view us as lacking or not being able to full fill what we have promised to do or have done so in the past, but now unable to.

Alcohol counselling can be difficult but that depends on who you are talking to, I've had a couple of counsellors who have criticised and refused to look after me, unless I stopped drinking, now and for a long time I only socially drink.

Hope to hear back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.

Hi everyone,

Just want to share my story with alcohol. ..

I had a problem with binge drinking since I was 17. I drank to hide stuff and because I became everyone's friend when drinking. I would always always drink until I passed out. I never knew when to stop.

Then, clinical depression kicked in and I drank almost every night. At 37yrs og age,I got caught driving under the influence. I'd ran out of alcohol this particular night and wanted more so I got in my car and drove to the bottle shop only to find they were closed. I was arrested and put in a paddy wagon. I lost my licence for 3 months but thankfully, not convicted.....thankfully I didn't hurt anyone. I lived on my own and no family connection so had to rely on public transport or walk. Although I was sensible since (not driving drunk), it wasn't enough to stop me.

Then one day, 5yrs ago at age 41, I had a light bulb moment - it suddenly ocurred to me, self medicating was making my depression so much worse. (I knew it was but. ..I don't know. .. I just kept drinking because it numbed the pain). So I stopped completely and haven't touched a drop since. I'm not game to because I still don't think I would know when to stop. I miss having a glass of wine at dinner but...I can't and I won't. And it has helped my mh by not drinking.

As you are probably aware this is just cutting a long story way short. I want to share and add my story, to let others know they are not alone when it comes to mh and alcohol.

I sincerely hope everyone is going ok. Hang in there...Thanks for reading.

Lee

Hi Lee and thanks for sharing your story and I know it's not easy to say what we have done, but I suppose that's one way of accepting our past.

I was no different in depression I lost my licence for 2 months and yes it was my fault and get no sympathy from anybody and nor should I, but people don't realise the effects of what depression does to us.

I fell through windows, glass tables and everyone also said that I must have been intoxicated (putting it politely), but it was because I was having seizures and was living by myself, so my medication had to be adjusted.

I only drink socially now whether that's good or whether it's bad!

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for sharing your story too. Much appreciated.

Take good care everyone.

Lee

Hi Geoff, Lee, Moon and everyone else who’s new that I haven’t met yet :-) I know this thread’s been inactive for awhile but felt like revisiting it as it was pretty important to me back in 2016 when I first visited. Things are going well, I’ve stuck with sobriety for the last 3 years. I was explaining to someone a little while back about how I got sober. I talked about this thread and started crying. It was ok, just gratitude really. And the person I was talking to was ex-counsellor so I felt I could open up a bit more. But man, it was kinda like sudden realisation that at the time I gave up, absolutely all my friends and family drank. Not all of them to excess of course. And it’s not like I would’ve expected any of them to quit because I had. But just the fact that i didn’t know one non-drinker, or ex-drinker on which to model myself. I’ve since met people who’ve quit and we have great discussions. And I’m not bothered being around drinkers, it’s life. I was surprised at how the whole experience still affected me a few years later. It’s like the loneliness of it all doesn’t hit you in those first days, weeks, months because yr just hanging in there. It’s not till later reflection that you realise how hard it was. For me anyway. It’s not easy being an ex drinker in a drinking society and I’m really grateful to this thread for being there for me at the time. I don’t think I could’ve before, but if I can help anyone else now, I’ll do my best.

Thanks and hope you’re all keeping well :-)

Rhes,

What an inspiring and thankful post that should give hope to people.

Sometimes we don not give positive feedback when things go well.

I appreciate the time you have taken to let us know how you are. I am so glad this thread was here for you when you needed it.

Not drinking in a society that promotes drinks at all occasions must make it hard and I know people who simply don't go anywhere there will be alcohol.

I am sure your post will give strength to others.

Quirky

Hello Rhes, thanks for joining this thread and I do remember your name.

When someone gives up drinking alcohol whether it's for personal or health reasons, then part of the rehabilitation is to be able to be with other people who are drinking or whether they can walk past a bottle shop without any problems because it's legal and it's going to be around under any circumstances.

We can't hide away from it and once you are able to cope with this then you deserve the accolades you have earned.

It's always going to be a topic which is going to be discussed.

Many thanks,

Geoff.

Thanks Geoff and Quirky for your replies and supportive words as always :)

Hi All....I'm new here. Can I just ask do I press the REPLY after the last post?

I have had a problem with alcohol for 6 years since I was 48. I grew up with an alcoholic, violent father, drank occasionally over the years but it didn't become a problem until after I had a gastric sleeve operation at that age. I am quite a sensitive person and a worrier, tended to put all my love into my kids who are now young adults. Since they became adults around that time I have been going through severe empty next syndrome, thus one of the reasons I turned to alcohol. I have hurt my husband and my children and feel deep shame. I also, normally a nice person, become aggressive and verbally abusive when I drink. I turn into a blackout drunk monster. I went to a rehab last year for 7 weeks and noticed a common thread between everyone there. All very nice people who can't seem to forgive 'themselves' easily.

I'd love to hear from you all :)

Hi SisterKiKi, thanks so much for posting your comment.

Bariatric surgery shrinks the size of your stomach, ( gastric sleeve operation) which means you will feel the effects of the alcohol faster than what you are used to, and it won't take nearly as much alcohol before you come intoxicated.

If you combine this with ' severe empty nest syndrome', your children who have grown up and left home, your personality may change, as you say 'become aggressive and verbally abusive', is a reason why your family might want to stay away from you if they know alcohol is involved.

I'm sure this isn't what you want, the trouble is that if alcohol is an addiction, then something needs to be done.

I've owned/managed pubs and know who the people are that suddenly change once they become intoxicated and they aren't a happy person, they change when consuming alcohol.

I don't want to make this reply too long but very happy to keep in contact with you.

Geoff.

Thanks so much Geoff....

I personally thing it has been a collection of things that have led me here and the aggression is a sort of repressed anger from a childhood of a an alcoholic, abusive father & an arrogant mother. She had a really hard time but she also was not a nurturing mother emotionally. She become nicer to talk to in the last 5 yrs in her elderly years & is now declining :( I was also 5th on 5 years born into a strict catholic family. Nuns. Some nice, others were not.

I know all this doesn't matter now, but I just need to undo what I've done, somehow. I'm now Day 2 sober and hoping with my family's help and the help of this group I can get through this.

Many thanks,

K x

Hey Rhes.....I remember you. You have done so well, I am so proud and happy for you.....just wanted to say Hi and it was good to see you on Forum again.

Hoping things continue well for you...(no one ever congratulates us do they? so we have to congratulate ourselves for not drinking)......be happy....x

Hi K, congratulations on being day 2, and I've taken Moonstruck's advice and also believe that we aren't complimented enough because a pat on the back goes a long way.

K, do you have a plan on how to stop your drinking, any new techniques.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

I’m so happy to find this thread. I’ve been a binge pattern drinker since I was 15 and I’m now 39. I can go many weeks or months between binges. When I binge I blackout and do very shameful things like drunk dialing/texting/messaging. The shame keeps me from drinking again for a really long time and as the shameful memories subside inevitably the pattern repeats.

I am writing this post on the morning after a binge. Last night I drank alone, something I usually avoid. I went through a relationship break up a couple of weeks ago and I was feeling sad and frustrated with myself so I drowned my sorrows. I did my usual shameful behaviour and I feel so small and awful this morning. Life is so good but this feeling of deep shame and regret is the worst. Why do I do this to myself? This behaviour has to stop.

Reading the stories posted here is helpful and I feel much less alone knowing that others are struggling and overcoming too. Thank you all for sharing.

V

Hello Violet, thanks for coming to the forums and pleased you have been brave to tell us of what happened and it's something that may often be the case when you are addicted to alcohol.

I'm not qualified to say that but from experience, I've seen it many times.

The breakup with your relationship can certainly play an enormous part in this, but binge drinking can lead to the same, consequences as, daily drinking and as everyone is different, some people show their reactions by drunk dialing/texting/messaging whereas others are only quiet, keep to themselves and happy.

I just wanted to respond back to you so that this discussion can continue as I'm sorry I will be back.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.