Hiya Rhes, how are you? Have you had a good weekend hun?

Cheers

Kaz

Hiya Rhes, your holiday sounds great. Isn't it special to enjoy a break without hangovers? It is a challenge though, I remember from my first sober holiday the late afternoons were tough, but you get through them and wake the next morning feeling fabulous. Well done you!

I also 'remember' (not really) a holiday at a lovely resort in Queensland years ago where I drank from lunchtime till I passed out each day then spent the mornings in bed recovering. What kind of holiday is that! These days I get my money's worth, enjoying every waking minute (and the sleeping bits too). Soooo much better.

Lovely to see you hun

Kaz

xx

Hi Kaz, great to hear from you :) Yes, isn't it funny how the prospect of not having to get out of bed early in the morning was such a green light to get wasted. And holidays are terrible for that, may as well just be at home in bed! I manage to find much better stuff to do now, even if it is just a daggy crossword here and there, so much better for the brain 👍

Hi all.

Its been a bit since i was on last. And im sad to say i gave in to my demons and started drinking again.

Im still hungover from last nights efforts.

I know i need to get this under control im just so scared that i cant. Every attempt has been a dismal failure. All it takes is one small thing and i give in.

I have been extremely fragile for a long time. Having depression and anxiety for a long time is really taking its toll. I think my meds arent working anymore but i dont want to change them because theyre the only ones that have worked at all.

Hailey

Hi Hailey, welcome back. Your previous attempts to quit have not been dismal failures hun, they have been steps along the road to sobriety. We all take those steps before it finally 'sticks'. Whilever you have the intention and the desire to quit, you are on that road and moving ahead. It's only when we give up trying that we're beaten.

AA's mantra of 'one day at a time' is invaluable I reckon, even though I didn't go to AA. I still try to live that way, in many things. So maybe try not to think 'I have to quit drinking forever' or 'I must never drink again'. That's too overwhelming to contemplate when booze is our release from other problems. Just try to think 'I will not drink today'. Gradually it will get easier.

There are some good tips on this thread for getting through those early days - maybe have a read back though.

We're here for you hun - please post anytime. And remember - one day at a time. It will stick in time.

Kaz

xx

Hi everyone.

Well its been a week now. But ive stayed clear of booze.

Kaz, your advice about taking it one day at a time has made all the difference. Although there were days when i broke it down to one hour at a time.

Hi Hailey, well done! That's great. The first week is hard, possibly the hardest, so what a great achievement.

Breaking it down to hour by hour, even minute by minute, is an excellent strategy. There's also the 10-minute rule which helped me a lot. Basically that means when the urge is strong tell yourself you can have a drink if you want to, but not for 10 minutes. In that 10 minutes distract yourself as much as possible - go for a walk, have something to eat, get busy doing something in the house, play a game, whatever distracts your mind. There is a very good chance the urge will pass in that time. If it doesn't, try it again, another 10 minutes. Eventually it will pass, and you will regain your strength and commitment to carry on.

There's also urge surfing, basically a mindfulness technique, where you just sit with feeling for a while. Don't push it away, feel it, analyse it, then let it pass.

Also, when the urge hits, check with yourself whether you're actually hungry, angry, lonely or tired (HALT). We often reach for a drink when we are any of these things. Eat, vent, come online, go to sleep.

You are doing really well hun and thank you for letting us know. I'm so pleased for you.

Here anytime.

Kaz

xx

Oh Geoff.....I've wanted a drink so much in the past week. The week has been horrible with major traumas happening together that I had to deal with outwardly at least...calmly, straightforward, clear communication etc. and has just about done me in!

Now I seem to have a breathing space I find myself wondering if I could have spared myself a lot of the stress and tension and tears with a few drinks....why can't I? Why can others do this and I can't? Why do I have to weather the storm with nothing to hold onto?

So close...so handy...just sitting there saying "here, for God's sake, take some relief from your pain, you don't have to do this alone"......Which is braver, soldiering on without the crutch.......or admitting you can't deal with these problems, they are too big this time, the pain is too raw this time....I will accept the help waiting for me in the pretty bottle.???

It's been so hard Geoff. would it really have been so terrible if I'd had a few drinks? I need to know.......

Hiya Moon hun - what a crap week you've had. And it's lingering too I know.

Think it through though lovely - if you had decided to drink, it might have eased the pain for a while. But not entirely because you would be aware of why you were drinking - and you would have probably had the guilt and worry about drinking again on top of it. So what happens then the next day when the pain returns and the added thing of drinking again hits ... it hits harder. You see one way out, more drinking. And so it goes until the drinking becomes the bigger problem again.

I've seen it many times on another forum for people with alcohol problems. One won't hurt, it might even help. And that might be true if we could just have one. Only you know how likely that is hun, but for me there was never just one. Just one was useless! I needed one bottle, then another, then more until I passed out. What's that saying - one's too many and 10's not enough?

Resist it hun, and when the crap time has passed you will feel so damn proud of yourself that you got through it sober. You can do it. Go back to basics if you need to - 10 minute rule, urge surfing, distract, distract, distract. Treats and more treats.

You can do it my friend.

Kaz

xx

Thanks so much for being there Geoff and Kaz - I didn't have a drink, as you probably knew, or hoped I wouldn't. Just had to have a massive whinge , hope you understand. It's just this bloody Aussie culture of ours....it's so ingrained into every little part of society that we drink!

Alcohol HAS to be there....for Everything! something great has happened...Here have a drink....something sad has happened...Here, you'll feel better after a drink......You are anxious about work or a decision you have to make...Here have a drink and chill out a bit.......have a drink, have a drink,have a drink....it feels Unnatural and labels you a sort of "eccentric weirdo" if you DON'T have one!!

It seems more acceptable to get stupid and tipsy, even falling over and terribly hung over next day.....than to say No Thanks!! Will this Aussie culture of ours ever change?........Thanks again guys...yes I am OK, I have not broken my three and a half year mark!!! I think anyone who manages to beat this thing is a hero!! I just don't think of myself in that way at all though.......thanks again for understanding......

I feel so guilty.

Nothing works for PTSD flashbacks and it's the kind of thing that could push anyone to the drink re-living horrors.

There is no pill for bad memory's.

I have a fellow suffering friend that I have got smashed with on the odd occasion because I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm sick of all of my responsibilities some days. I feel 107 years old inside.

The only problem is considering everything that I've been through I have a really good hand break and can stop but she doesn't.

I discovered she is doing it heaps, and by herself and now I feel like an enabler because I've joined in.

The worst part is that another part of me doesn't feel bad because for 6 hours out of 365 days, out on the town I got to forget my living hell. And I know I will want to forget again even if it's just 2 or 3 more times this year.

I am an enabler.

Hi Corny, thanks for posting here hun. This is an issue around alcoholism that we alcoholics don't often think about, so I'm really glad you have raised it, especially as it's troubling you.

One thing I know for certain, and please take this on board - the only one who enables a drinker's drinking is the drinker. If your friend has a problem, she would drink whether she was with you or not, whether you were drinking or not. Alcoholics in full flight neither need nor seek permission. You are not enabling her, she is.

Another issue though is what to do if you think your friend is developing a serious problem. My suggestion is that you raise it with her, gently, perhaps the next time you see her hungover. See, we often believe no one knows about our problem - we drink alone, hide our booze etc and think we're 'getting away with it'. A quiet word from someone close can make us realise we're not. Someone knows. She might see you as interfering, I did when people raised it with me, but it still sticks in your mind ...

If you do talk to her, be prepared for nothing to change. It can take a long time before someone starts to accept their problem. Sometimes years. But you will have sown a seed ...

One thing I would absolutely caution against is an intervention. They don't work. In most cases the person agrees to change just to end the intervention, but they don't change, because they now have a whole other set of emotions (shock, embarrassment, anger) to deal with.

Corny - only the person drinking can make the decision to stop. You can be supportive, you can choose not to drink when you're with them if they are trying to quit, you can offer to go with them to a doctor or recovery program if that's what they decide to do, but you can't make it happen, anymore than you make them drink.

We are our own responsibility.

I hope that helps hun

Hugs

Kaz

Really Kaz?

Do you really think that's all true?

I feel really powerless with everything today, I call them my despair days.

I have about 10-20 per/year where I don't really speak I just stare at the horizon or ocean and zone out. No-one can really reach me.

Everyone has problems.

I suppose we're all responsible for ourselves at the end of the day.

I guess I can see how easy it would be to go there and I feel bad. Soooooooo easy. Especially when nothing works.

I loved your references for Bipolar by the way.

Unfortunately Joey LeDoux is at band practice and the pills ain't designed for PTSD anyway.

Poor us. Nothing I can do.

You're so strong Kaz to have zero drinks! My god.

Hey Corny, you sound really sad hun. I hope I didn't say anything to make it worse. If so, I'm sorry. xx

Yes, I do believe all that, but that's me. Everyone has to make their own way ... As for strong, thank you - but maybe it's easier to be strong when booze has taken you to the pointy end of staying alive or not, as it did for me. Doesn't make me special, just makes me still here. 😊

And I'm not anti-alcohol by the way. I have no problems with other people drinking, I just know I can't.

So, are you OK hun? Here if you want to talk or have a hug.

Kaz

Thanks for checking in on me Kaz, you're very kind.

Just feeling the weight of a lot of responsibility from a very young age today.

Take care xx

Thinking of you Corny. Be good to yourself hun.

Kaz

xx

Morning Kaz ...."the pointy end of staying alive or not". I didn't realise you had been in that place too.....that's why I had to give up...it was either stay alive or not.

Just wanted to clear up another point you reminded me of too..I may have come across as anti-grog..but no, not at all. My friends and family enjoy alcohol and I have NO problem with it at all. Being with mates who are drinking cause me no discomfort.....I wish I could join them!!!.....(Just in case I was appearing as a sort of saint who wishes people would get off it.....just would hate to see anyone "at the pointy end" of dying or living, as I was.

I do think you're pretty great too Kaz - these dark days I am going through....gee I wish I could blot some of it out with a drink, I really do. I am always as vulnerable as everyone else who is trying to cut down, or out.....have a good day everyone.....hugs.

I realise this is an old thread, or maybe it isn't, I'm new here.

I wanted to vent about my drinking problem and how I have a problem with admitting I have a problem. I'm guilty after every heavy session of drinking. I don't remember a damn thing. It's the scariest feeling, trying to recall my actions of the night before. The shame and guilt kick in, depression lurks around, anxiety doesn't miss out on the self pity party either.

So why do it to myself again, knowing full well the cycle that follows?

I'm a mum of three and I feel worthless and ashamed of myself, even to the point where I'm sure they'd be better off without me.

Thanks for listening, I've found some of these posts very inspiring.

Hi Feels, a very big welcome to you. I'm really glad you've joined us here and I hope you'll stay with us.

I understand how you're feeling, I've been in the same place. If you've read through this thread you have probably seen my story. So much of what you say resonates with me, so one thing I can say for certain is you're not alone!

Another thing I can say for certain is that it is possible to beat the booze. It's hard - hardest thing I've ever done - but entirely possible. There's nothing special about us on here, no magic formula or superhuman strength, we're just ordinary people who developed a serious problem and through struggle, determination and commitment managed to get through it.

What would you like to do hun? Do you want to quit drinking? Cut down? Let us know your thoughts, and we'll keep you company and help you along the way.

You don't have to live like this Feels. There are better days ahead and you deserve them!

Very best wishes

Kaz

I want so much to have a drink Kaz. For all these years without it, I've had at back of a cupboard...bottle of that "pretend Baileys Irish Cream"...lovely smooth coffee/hazelnut flavoured.....just a tiny bit in a sherry-glass of milk, like a lovely milkshake would ease my troubled mind...I just know it!!

I am so depressed, so worried, I heard the song You'll never Walk Alone last night, sitting by my computer and put my head in my hands and sobbed......nothing else will ease my sadness....that lovely smooth milky drink will though.