Blue, never any pressure to respond. Low or no energy at the moment is understandable.

I’m sorry your LM is in so much pain, but you are right, this is a short period, till healing takes over.

Rest all you can, you need all the strength you can find. Leaving a strong coffee. ☕️☕️

Croix, I smiled at you enjoying your garden, sitting inside, by the log fire. 👍👍👍

Hey Croix,

I started replying yesterday, but the wonders of technology lost my message and I didn't have the energy to start again from scratch.

Definitely better days, each one brings an improvement. I knew to expect some disorientation, he's actually doing a lot better on that front than he could be. It is the pain that worries me. Again, that is slowly diminishing and he is a little more himself every day.

You're right, of course. My lovely man spent a lot of time leading up to this telling me the same thing, insisting I take care of myself, and saying if I can't do it for me, do it for him. I hear that voice whenever I'm flagging a bit on that point.

Haha, good way to do it. Enjoy the snow from a warm and comfy vantage point. Hope you and the menagerie are doing okay.

Blue.

I know, Wilma. On the flip side, I like to keep you updated, I know you care what's happening, and that is a good thing.

His pain was considerably better, today and his spirits are improving. Even a smile or two. He looked beautiful.

I think rest time is mostly over. He's calling and messaging when he needs me, asking for my home cooking (I'm allowed to bring him food). He's on the mend, Wilma. I'm really glad he feels able to reach out any time and ask for things.

Definitely need coffee, methinks busy times ahead. :)

Blue, I’ll bet that smile looked beautiful. So good to hear your LM is making such good progress.

Texting, and asking for home cooking, is definitely sounding like he’s on the mend . At least, or I’m hoping, this means you will be eating well also. You will be very busy with all things needing to be taken care of Blue, you being one of them. I hope you aren’t beyond exhaustion. Sometimes we push beyond our limits. It’s a tricky balance. I know you are sensible. Just caring, that’s all.

I won’t be long winded, just letting you know I care. Strong coffee this morning. ☕️☕️💙💙

Very much so, Wilma. Sadly, progress has gone backward a tad. Nothing especially abnormal for a transplant patient, they tell us, but he's had a couple of pretty rough days.

Had to hit pause on that for now, he rather lost his appetite. As for me, mostly eating okay. A bit lazy with it today, admittedly. Didn't quite have the energy for both shopping and cooking, after I went walkies to a nearby park. As you say, tricky balance. Trying. Struggling.

I appreciate you, Wilma. Hope you and furry friend are okay. I saw some baby swans today, you would have loved them.

Blue, walkies sounds like a really good, and necessary activity at the moment. Swans would have been a welcome retreat, all be it brief, from the mountains you are facing right now.

I’m sorry your LM had a setback. Always disappointing, and I imagine, scary. Sending positive vibes Blue, buckets of best wishes. If only that was all that is needed, unfortunately, it’s not.

So it’s a very strong coffee this morning Blue ☕️☕️☕️

My loyal companion is the best Blue. I have a soft and cosy little bed winging its way at the moment. I’m trying to gain my portion of the single bed I share with her. Tricky. 🐶🐶

Dear Wilma (with a wave to Blue)~

This has nothing to do with anything, however I've just realized that the back of my mind has been telling me all this time about your picture.

It reminds me of the people on the forum, their interaction, and how more comes out of that interaction than goes in -lovely.

Please pardon me for just jumping in with a random thought.

Your furry freind has to be introduced to the concept of boundaries so there is room for you too:)

No snow here now, Sumo Cat beside me but 'busy' as usual.

Blue -I'm glad you saw the baby swans

Croix

Hi everyone!!

Hope all well and keeping safe from COVID-19.

I wanted to share some thoughts on this topic thread.

Viewing life through the lenses of depression is miserable, there is no doubt in that. But what truly matters is the next step. If there is friction or a problem within oneself, who can fix it? That is the beauty of it!!! Only we can fix it, we don't need to rely on the external source!! Because all these problems are born and then die from within. So we have control over it. The next step should be our focus!!!

How to do it practically? Well having a healthy lifestyle of whole foods plant-based diet with exercise combined with meditation and yoga will truly help our internal biology and psychology be at ease. If anyone wants more clarification - I am more than happy to help!!

Hi Wilma (with a wave to Croix),

Walking is definitely helpful, burns off some frustrated energy, and time in nature helps bring me out of my head a little. Swans were definitely welcome.

Yes, definitely scary having a setback like that. He was in a lot of pain. Fortunately they have a handle on the cause and are addressing it. His condition is improving again. Your kind thoughts are always appreciated.

Strong coffee definitely needed!

I wonder if your loyal companion will like her warm and cosy bed, or still insist on sleeping on her warm and cosy mum. ;) Good luck.

Croix - I'm glad I saw them, too. Some joy to be found in this tough situation. Very much missing my puffballs.

Hi Jasjit,

Welcome to the forum, and to my thread. Hope you are keeping safe from the dreaded bug, too.

I'm afraid you've misapprehended the nature of this thread a little - though not entirely. I started it some years ago when going through a rough patch, and it has been a place for me to find support in my specific personal journey. I added "Life viewed through the lens of depression" to the title when it became clear the rough patch was more a permanent state of being, external pressures have remained severe no matter how much work I've done on changing my circumstances and my perspective - always a new one waiting to step in when the last one is gone. There's no controlling what hand we're dealt sometimes, only what we do with it.

Except for the yoga, I actually do all the stuff you've mentioned - sound advice, certainly. Unfortunately those things don't fix everything - they don't create financial security in a poor job market, they don't cure chronic exhaustion and they sure don't heal my partner from major surgery. The lens of depression tends to be cast on the things we can't change and don't know how to live with, hence space must also be created for discussion and support, borrowing a lens from someone else for a while, perhaps - aka this thread. No man is an island, and all that.

I don't mean to diminish your intentions - they are wholly valid - only to clarify the nature of my thread as it would take a good six months to read through it from the start if you tried to unravel it that way. Nice to meet you.

Blue.

My sincere apologies Blue.

I was just trying to help. But I am always here to have a chat and to support you.

Talk to you soon.

No apologies necessary, Jasjit, your good intentions were apparent.

To give you a brief breakdown of my journey, I came out of a bad relationship with clinical depression some years ago. Ongoing financial struggle, a job I hate but can't seem to get away from (especially with covid destroying what was left of a poor job market), and a destructively bad neighbour forcing me to move and worsen the financial situation compounded that severely. Now, in the midst of the covid madness, my partner has just had a heart and lung transplant and will be on immune suppressants for the rest of his life to stop the organs rejecting, thus making him as vulnerable as a person could possibly be to any virus that happens by. The latter is foremost on my mind, we are interstate now and he is in the early stages of recovery.

Feel free to share a little about yourself and what brought you to the forums, if you are comfortable to. I'm a firm believer that support is a two way street.

Dear Blue~

I guess I'm going to have to keep the flippers crossed for him - and you.

Did you find a puff-ball sitter?

Croix

Thanks Croix, that sounds like a good plan. Partly because I appreciate your well wishes, and partly because I am entertained by the image of you crossing your flippers. :)

Certainly did. My brother has been taking care of them. Daily visits to change their food and water. He's changed their cages and let them out to fly a bit too. He sends photos every day. Grateful for his help.

Blue.

Blue, I can only imagine how much you are missing those puff balls, and them missing you. It will be quite a reunion, when it all finally comes together. I have no idea of the time that will take, but I will cross my fingers , and leave the flippers to Croix.

As my furbaby is tucked under my arm as I write this, I think the new bed might well be a fantasy. I wouldn’t have it any other way though, but a little more room sometimes, would be nice.

I’m pleased they know the cause of the setback. He is in good hands. A long road ahead of both of you Blue. Would you consider applying for a Carers pension, if that’s a possibility ?

Definately a strong one for you this morning Blue. ☕️☕️ I hope you can manage some more time in nature.

Croix. 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

It's always hard being away from them, and I've never been away anywhere near this long. I expect at least two or three more weeks until I'm home. Definitely going to be a reunion to remember. Haha, yes, Croix is the master of crossing flippers, just fingers for the rest of us.

At least you know she wants to be close to you. I love having the puffballs in bed with me, it must be the same for you with your wee companion.

Yes, it was a lot of fluid on one side of his lungs, which they have drained. Looks like the other side is doing the same so they'll have to drain that, too. He is in much less pain though, and is now getting up for little walks (trailing various cords for meds along with him). His appetite is back in full force and he is requesting lots of food. I have a carer's allowance, which is the lesser form of financial help. Doubt I could get the carer's payment which is the bigger one and for people much more dependent than we expect my partner to be by the time he comes home. Any help is good though.

Coffee welcome as always. There has been more nature time. I came across some rainbow lorikeets today, so tame they actually nibbled gently on my finger when I came close. Quite the privilege.

Kind thoughts to you, Wilma. Hope the physio is going better and you have some options for pain management.

Blue, two or three more weeks is still a long way off. Do you go back to work when you get home, or are you on extended leave ? I’m thinking, they don’t always know how recovery will go. Part Carers payment is a help, and yes, every bit helps.

Sorry the other side of partner is full of fluid now. That must be uncomfortable. Pain easing is a good sign, as is the appetite returning. That means extra work for you, but good eating too.

Oh, the rainbow lorikeets, and so close. Lucky you. They are so beautiful. I do spend a lot of time bird watching, either through my windows, or outside, depending on weather. I plan on getting a bird bath for my front garden. I have a small dish in the back. Always entertaining.

I have different exercises for physio. He said the pain I was experiencing wasn’t what he wanted to achieve. That was a relief. So, another lot to try and see if they help or not.

The main problem I worry about with my furbaby in bed, is that I might accidentally hurt her. She tucks herself next to me, as close as she can get. We start off both heads on one pillow, then, before long, she’s under the doona. I love that little face lying there. 🐶🐶

Lots of rain down this way, and more forecast. It’s warmer, so winter is moving out. It will be good to see some new growth, some colour. I’m looking forward to the blackbirds singing first thing each morning. Always a good start.

Sending more strong coffee Blue. ☕️☕️☕️ Not sure if you need a hotty, but I’ll drop one off for comfort sake. Take care. 💙💙

Yeah, it's a while. A lot can change in that time. I'll have to quarantine when I get home, then it's back to work. I'll resume the discussion about reducing my hours when that time comes, the very day we got the call I'd asked to drop another day a fortnight. As for recovery, every day is a learning experience. We'll take it as it comes.

Yeah, it's uncomfortable for him. They've taken him into surgery today to get the fluid out, seems it's a more complex process than it was for the other side. He had to fast overnight for the procedure. Much grumbling about being hungry. He may be too drowsy to care about food for a while after.

The lorikeets were really special. So gentle, nibbling on my finger. I'll have to keep some bird seed on me in case I see them again. Bird bath is good. They are lovely to watch having a splash.

Glad you have some different exercises to try. How are the new ones going so far?

Yeah, I worry about my puffballs, too. They're pretty good at zooming out of the way if I roll over, though. Fortunately even asleep I'm pretty aware of where they are. I can imagine your loyal companion looking at you from under the doona. For me it's little feet standing on my face. It tickles, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sounds like the signs of Spring. It's pleasant here, not much rain and averaging around 20°. Nice change from home, forecasts are still cold and miserable there. Singing blackbirds sound good, I'm a fan of blackbirds.

Cheers for coffee. Hot water bottle is still welcome, the nights are pretty chilly still. Sending a hot chocolate, because there isn't really a bad time for chocolate.

Blue, signs of spring didn’t last long. Our max yesterday was 9, with wind chill, so it felt more like 0. On top of that, my heater wouldn’t turn on. I did all the obvious things a number of times, but it was dead as a door nail. Counsellor was here at 10 and rang Housing. They were here about 5 hrs later, which I was very impressed with. I expected to be waiting till Monday. As it turned out, my neighbor, who is doing some renovations, accidentally turned my switch off. I had checked everything but the main switch, as that’s something I only do when moving out. So good to have some heat now.

I hope your LM is doing better now the fluid has been removed. Is that something that could happen again? Hopefully not, but I guess, no one really knows after surgery of this complexity. I hope his appetite is back, which means cooking for you.

I did smile reading about your puffballs being in bed with you. When I had my cockatiel, he would sleep on my pillow. His one leg tucked under his wing, balanced on his other. He was such a little man. During the day, he was on my shoulder. Lovely memories. They are a privilege to have, that’s for sure. Your babies will be missing you too.

Isolation when you get home. It’s one thing after the other. Hopefully, the one less day at work is helpful.

Snow in NSW today. Strange weather this year. I hope you have had some time in nature, maybe more visits from the lorikeets.

I will be spreading mulch on my garden sometime today. Looking forward to theses little plants filling up that space, giving my backyard a bit of character and colour, plus, more birds.

Leaving a hot chocolate today Blue. My Dr told me, a strong milo, contains half our daily iron needs. Sounds like a good enough excuse to me.

There's been a cool change here, too, though not that cold. 16° today and that's cold enough for me. What an ill timed day to not have your heater. Did you have a hot water bottle to get you through? Glad the problem is resolved.

He still has a tube attached, draining more fluid, though that's due to come out soon. It shouldn't recur once it's properly drained, but like everything, they are keeping a close eye on it. It's such a complex surgery he has had. No problems with his appetite, he's made plenty of requests. I brought him a vegetarian honey "chicken" today which is one of his favourite things I make. :)

You've mentioned your cockatiel, he sounds lovely. Sounds like Sir Pecks, on your shoulder all day. I do enjoy how they tuck one little foot up when they sleep. Definitely a privilege. I hope my prolonged absence isn't too distressing for them, it's hard being away this long.

Not worried about isolating. I mean, two weeks at home, not working? Brilliant! And one less day when I return, maybe a bit more manageable.

Certainly interesting weather. I did see the lorikeets yesterday. I got some bird seed for next time I visit them. Cute little guys.

I like the sound of your garden work, Wilma. Rewarding toil. Look forward to hearing how it takes shape.

Sounds good. More Milo coming your way, with a hottie and a blanket. I imagine you still have some thawing out to do!

Blue, I’m pleased the two weeks in isolation isn’t a problem, it sounds more like a relief. Maybe some rest for you. It’s been a very stressful time of late. It takes its toll.

Sorry your LM still has tubes attached, but he is sounding, ( and eating) much better. The vegetarian ‘ chicken’ sounds delicious. 👍👍

Looks like the snow is in NSW now. Very strange weather this year. I feel the dread of summer already. 😔😔

My garden in under a blanket of sugar Cain, all ready to face the elements.

Just days now till spring. The one thing I don’t like about spring is the wind. Tends to be very annoying. Grumble grumble.

I hope you have had more time with the wild birds and nature.

Leaving a milo. Guilt free now. ☕️☕️ Take care

Good morning Blue!!

Thanks a lot for sharing a quick breakdown of your story. I really do appreciate this. I was not aware of this such severity and with my misinterpretations, I guess I went a bit overboard.

So how are things now? How is your partner? And how are you coping with all the stressors especially during COVID-19?

Just a quick breakdown of my story - well I suffered greatly from social anxiety, generalized anxiety, depression which then all turned into body image disturbances, low self-esteem, and finally eating disorders - obesity throughout my late childhood and adolescence. I think during that time I was not alive! I was not here at all. I could not enjoy life!! Every day seemed miserable. Then luckily I got into Psychology Honors, but still wasted my 2 to 3 years because I was not myself!! Then after my third year - it suddenly clicked me. For me to pursue further - go into a doctorate of clinical psych, I need high grades! How? First thing I did was make a lifestyle change!! I literarily had enough of being anxious towards people and also, I had eating disordered behaviours - obesity/bingeing etc. So when I could not do my honours because of my very low GPA, I applied to a different university for GDPA with a lifestyle change!!

Basically, first thing I did was changed the fuel of my body going plant-based, Then I did something completely for myself (not impressing others but for myself) - which was I always wanted to be in the best shape of my life. Then on the same time, I added meditation/yoga/religious practices where I could connect my mind and the body. From here on, I started flourishing and blossoming and enjoying every second of my life! And now, I have overcome my anxiety/depression - I can even now speak in front of 100 people!

So, why BeyondBlue? Well, now I have decided to inspire others and make a difference within our community. So that's why I am always looking for opportunities where I could provide support. And also break the mental health stigma in the world - that is my vision! Because when I was suffering from anxiety/depression/eating disorders/body image disturbances - I was so scared to talk it out to anyone despite my papa and mama were extremely supportive of me! Why? Because it was my internal battle and I had to resolve it by myself!

Yes, I count the isolation time as a relief. Maybe not much rest to be had, there is a lot of work I need to do around the house, things that need fixing for health and safety. They can't wait any more, with my partner on immunosuppresants when he comes home. Honestly, shouldn't have waited this long.

No more tubes, Wilma, my lovely man is out of hospital! He's staying at the hospital accommodation, now - and now the real work begins. He is still very fragile and needs a lot of care, there are frequent appointments and loads of meds to keep track of. Still, a new chapter and a step closer to a relatively normal life. Something to celebrate.

It is funny weather, isn't it? Glad I didn't have to be away in Summer, I would be freaking out about the birds' safety in the heat if I weren't there.

Sounds good, Wilma. Any new developments in the garden since then?

Looking forward to Spring, though I suspect it might be windy here, too. Not nuts about wind, though it was a big feature of my childhood. We'd get gales on the farm that would send corrugated iron from the sheds flying off into the paddocks. Funny to think of those times, so long ago. Blue is starting to feel like an old fart, haha.

Have spent some time feeding pigeons and actually had lorikeets sit on me and take a few seeds. Very cool.

Milo sounds good. Haven't had it in years, mainly because milk disagrees with me. Not like I can't have it with soy, though. :) Leaving a cappuccino for you. When in Sydney, get the fancy coffee - there are cafés everywhere, two within a stone's throw of my hotel.

Hey Jasjit,

No problem, happy to share. There's plenty more to the story, but that's the basics. Don't worry about the misinterpretation, that's what communication is for - now we're on the same page.

Things now are improving. I saved plenty of annual leave to be interstate with my partner, so will be here a while. He is just out of hospital and beginning a rehab. He will be in the hospital's accommodation for a few months.

As for covid-related stress... His accommodation has shared lounge and kitchen facilities which means constantly cleaning anything before and after use - dishes, table, chairs, door handles, etc. Frankly it sucks. I don't have my car or my well stocked kitchen, very little fridge space, I have to go shopping frequently to deal with meals. I hate shopping, especially when it means cleaning everything and having to shower and change afterwards. Can't be too careful with my partner on immune suppressants - even a cold could be a disaster for him. It's worth it for him, but I'm very tired.

Sounds like a challenging start in life for you. It's good you found something that gave you motivation to push past your fears. You make a good point about doing something for yourself, and not for impressing others. I think a big part of the struggle people have with resolving lifestyle challenges is that the motivation has to be genuine. If we do it for how others perceive us, even if we don't see it there is an underlying resentment that undermines our efforts.

You're right, diet, exercise and mindfulness are powerful tools for healing. There is more than that to my situation, but I know how quickly my condition degenerates if I don't take good care of those things. And it's all surprisingly difficult to keep on top of, so kudos to you for the work you have put in. I'm glad it has given you a new lease on life.

Anxiety and depression definitely have an isolating effect which you have experienced, yourself. I'm glad you are sharing what you have learned, and want to inspire others. I will ask you a favour, though. Please be mindful that so many people on this forum are like myself - they have suffered things they will never truly recover from. For some of us, mental illness can be managed but not cured. Learn a little about their stories, they may well be doing the things you have suggested and still be suffering. You may find yourself inspired in turn by the strength and wisdom of our peers here in the face of their challenges. I know I am.

Gosh Blue, your LM is out of hospital already. I’m amazed, and really happy for both of you. No more tubes. That must feel like freedom.

Yes, now it’s the hard work. Hopefully, the staff are caring and understanding, not pushy. It sounds hard , having to clean everything, shop frequently, with no car there. I’m guessing you are feeling really tired. How long before you return home ? Being in quarantine, means you can’t visit, though that might be out of the question for numerous reasons. I know your LM is in another state during this time.

Its all new for you both now Blue. Who knows what Christmas might look like this year. Big celebrations.

Oh, the lorikeets being on you. They sound really tame, or they might sense the bird lover in you. Have you heard how your babies are doing in your absence ?

My girl is snoring beside me at the moment. It’s a lovely sound. Contentment.

We had a warm day here today. And the coming week is looking like more of the same. Spring on Tuesday. So many are looking forward to it this year, for many reasons. It’s been a tough year, and it’s certainly not over yet.

I made some vege soup Blue, a pinch of chilly. Leaving some, if you like it. Take care.

He was in there almost a month, without the ongoing trouble with fluid on his lungs he would have been out sooner. Yes, he's rather happier without tubes everywhere. Still generally sore and not loving the piles of meds he has to take, but things are improving.

There is a lot he needs now for meals and general comfort. For him it's largely a matter of keeping up with his meds and being active. He lost a lot of weight and muscle, which he needs to rebuild. He was already underweight before, so that is hard to see, making sure he is very well fed. Yes, very tired, mainly from having to deal with his rotten mother and her narcissism on top of everything else. Could do without it. Yeah, once I'm home I'm unlikely to see him until he is back home again, himself. I've well and truly exhausted my leave, and can't afford to go into quarantine multiple times if I took more interstate trips.

Yes, it's all new. Dunno how Christmas will look, covid rather diminishes get-togethers. Celebrations one way or another.

A lot of people feed the birds around here, so they are very tame. Still pretty special having that contact with them. Yes, my brother sends pictures of my puffballs every day, he's been really good. They are doing well. Really missing them, though.

A snoring pup, huh? Sounds cute. Sir Pecks sings in his sleep sometimes, it's lovely.

Pleasant weather here, too. Sounds like it's still rather cold at home, so I guess that's one up side of being away. Yes, bloody tough year. I'm sure on New Year's there will be t-shirts for sale saying "I survived 2020". Rubbish year all round.

Veggie soup sounds good, Wilma. Leaving a coffee, it's never a bad time for coffee.

Absolutely Blue!!! I agree with you 100%!!!

I had set myself on a journey to inspire others but looking at other people - especially their strength, courage, openness, sense of presence/belongingness is inspiring me!!

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories!! By this, we can definitely break and eradicate the mental health stigma within our community!!!

Blue, sorry about the mother in law problems. That’s a real pain in the A.. You won’t be sorry to leave her behind.

I’m glad your LM is progressing well, but the pain for him, and for you to see, must be really hard. Will he be on this amount of meds for the rest of his life ? I have only know someone who had a kidney transplant, nothing in comparison, but amazing also.

I had a feeling the birds were being fed by locals. They become very tame.

Spring has spring, but we are still very cold. I think next week we have a 20 coming up, so slowly moving into the warmer days now.

The new bed arrived for furbaby. She’s happy during the day, but still under my arm at night. Lol.

How long do you have before you return home ? It must be getting close now. It’s going to be really hard leaving your LM behind. There seems to be no middle of the road with leaving those you love in one place or the other. Hopefully, very soon, you will all be home together. I’ll bet your not looking forward to going back to work though. They will be missing you.

I’m off to physio tomorrow, not something I look forward to, but we will see how things are progressing. It’s going through the hoops they have in place really.

Leaving some chocolate today Blue. Good old comfort food. 🍫🍫

Take care.

Life is a journey of learning, Jasjit. What could be more worthwhile?

I hope you're right about breaking the stigma. We've definitely come further than any previous generation, and communication is the key to that, the discussion is much more open than it was. Much work still to be done, but it's heading in the right direction.