Well I am a Grinch and no hesitation in admitting it! Bah Humbug....call me Scrooge...I don't mind.

Yes it would be great Destiny Driver if I COULD think of Christmas as just another day...but they won't let me!! The stores, the letter box crammed full of buy this, buy that, tinsel, baubles, taped music everywhere ALREADY...the supermarket has it already....all the shoppers were horrified....oh God help me...get me outta here! And they're always warbling about sleighs, snow, frosty cold, chestnuts roasting on an open fire.......I loathe this time of year!!

The undue stress it puts on folk who don't have loved ones, don't have family, don't have money to spend....it's like rubbing salt into the wounds of the lonely, reminding them again and again what is "lacking" in their lives......even if I close doors and windows, pull down the blinds, Christmas still manages to find me....it seeps in through the cracks!!!! Aaaargh!

Dear Moonstruck,

You obviously find Christmas overwhelming and want to escape. But it is almost impossible to escape with all the shops full of tinsel and baubles and gifts which no-one would want anyway. I have a suggestion of a novel way to "celebrate" Christmas. Get in touch with one of the large charities such as the Salvation Army or St. Vincent de Paul and volunteer to help serve Christmas Lunch to homeless people and people who are severely disadvantaged. a) It would give you somethig to do on Christmas Day and b) You might find the experience really meaningful, in the true spirit of what Christmas is supposed to be. Just a thought, but volunteering to help others who are in difficulty can be a really rewarding experience. All the best,

Ellu

Hi Destiny Driver,

Your attitude to Christmas Day is what gets you through. Maybe for some of us who hurt so much at Christmas, being able to think of it as just another day would be very beneficial.

That does not mean that you are a Grinch at all. It sounds like you have found a way to appreciate the day and accept it for what it is. Another day on the calendar.

Hopefully your parents left you with plenty of food and what ever else you needed while they were away! I recently heard of an 18 year old girl being left home with no money and limited provision for months. When the family dog became very ill, she had to ask her boyfriend for some money so she could take the dog to the vet.

Anyway, hopefully the weather will be lovely on December the 25th and you enjoy what ever you decide to do on that day!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Hi Shred,

It would be great if I was always able to put my own suggestions into practise in my own life! Ha. Ha. It is easy to say than actually do, all I write!

Speaking to your psychologist may be very beneficial. I am trying to get back in touch with my psychologist. I need a new Mental Health Care Plan so might not be able to see her until next year. So I will need to make decisions myself as how to approach this Christmas.

I'm sorry to read about the loss of your loved one and your Mum. Like I mentioned, lighting the candles really helps me. You could purchase some candles to take away with you.

When we are away for Christmas, I take a Christmas display with me that I can put on a bedside table in a motel room, just so I have a bit of Christmas with me. If we take the car, I put in more stuff. One year I almost filled up the boot of the car! I had even packed the 6 ft high Christmas tree, lights, decorations and all!

As you may be going away this year, you might like to decorate a small section of your home. The cheap shops usually have small table top Christmas trees. I will be doing something similar this year as we are going away too.

Please know as well, this is a safe place to share your grief and sad thoughts relating to the loss of loved ones.

Hugs to you, from Mrs. Dools

Hi Moonstruck,

Christmas can hit you right in the face can't it!

We are very fortunate living in a small town as there don't seem to be any Christmas decorations in sight...yet. The Post Office might put up a little bit of a show maybe. There aren't any shops to go into here in this town. We don't get junk mail here either.

When you do get it, just chuck it in the recycling bin.

When in the larger shopping centre, I try to enjoy the colour and prettiness of the decorations.

I sometimes think of sitting on Santa's couch with him for a chat, a bit like a psychiatrist visit, only cheaper! Ha. Ha.

Hope you manage to find ways to get through this silly season!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Hi Ellu,

In the past, I have done just as you have suggested to Moonstruck.

I attended at a local Church who put on a meal for anyone who doesn't have any where else to go for Christmas. Once all the meals were served to the people, us helpers sat down and ate with everyone at the tables, mingling with them.

It was a lovely occasion. My husband was at home alone, he has said he would be fine and didn't care that it was Christmas Day. So we were both happy!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

Ah, Christmas! The time of year filled with friends and family!

Well so they say anyway. I'm alone this Christmas. It's not the first time either.

I remember working at a shopping centre during Christmas one year. It filled me with so much rage and hatred for the holiday. But there's probably other reasons too.

I avoid all shops and take time off over Christmas just to avoid it all.

Richard

Well,that's exactly what I am planning to do Ellu - I did it a few years back when the then, man in my life and I had broken up (we always spent the day together, neither of us being Christmas people) and I thoroughly enjoyed helping out among strangers - thanks for reminding me, I will start making enquiries as to who needs me this year.....

they will be doing me a favour, as well as my doing my bit for others who unlike me, feel very much alone if not surrounded by friends and family on "the day". the hype, the build-up, the over emphasis on "love, sharing, family, friends, giving,etc" has gotten completely out of hand and causes distress to so many.....dreadful time!

Hi Moonstruck,

Sounds like an excellent plan!

Hey Mrs Dools,

Wow that sounds like a really nice community event. I think I'd like to volunteer for something similar.

I might look into that instead. Ideally I will have moved out by then into my new place so I won't feel the need to escape home/Sydney but we'll have to wait and see.

Thanks for starting this thread :) You're a champion.

James

Thanks Mrs Dools for your thoughts on what I might be able to do over Christmas while away.

Nights like tonight I absolutely despise. I remember that I had my soulmate with me for nine great years and then, because I suggested he follow work south, he had the car accident which took his life.

Neither family was happy about us in the first place so I had to sit at the back of the church during his service. I never really got to say my own goodbye. I miss him more each day.

Mum died after a long battle with cancer and it was kind of a relief for me.For most of my life we never got along but we did have a few months before she died when it was ok.

Even though I have moments when I feel alright, I turn around and realise there isn't anypne here with me. Sure, I have my animals, but they can't talk to me..

I was supposed to attend a Christmas function tonight but pulled the pin at the last minute - finding it harder to be with a large group of people just now.

Please let it get better soon, I am so over it all

So..really mixed feelings right now, but I felt like venting.

Hi Richard,

The Christmas shopping frenzy is a bit like watching sharks feeding! Ha. Ha.

My husband used to love shopping in Rundle Mall in Adelaide at Christmas time. Just the crowds had me in a panic attack mode.

Being bumped, pushed, trod on, battered by shopping bags filled with stuff people probably didn't even want, hit in various body parts by rolls of Christmas paper sticking out of bags, hearing Christmas carols about snow when it was 40 degrees in the shade, hearing exhausted kids crying, oh yes, the joy of Christmas!

As you mentioned you are going to be alone this Christmas, would you consider dropping in and helping with a Christmas Day luncheon or would you prefer to just stay away from anything Christmas?

If you did the lunch thing, you might find some joy and pleasure in the day, or you might hate it. Thing is none of us know until we try these things.

Either way, I hope you have some plans for the end of December that bring some happiness to you.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Hi Mrs. Dools,

I was typing a response earlier but got called away for a job. So I'll try remember what I was writing.

That analogy is spot on. I see zombies pushing through each other.

I know that feeling of having panic attack mode in full force trying to get where you want to be. I once went shopping in a huge shopping centre in Melbourne once. My mistake was going there on boxing day. Everyone was in my personal space, I was in theirs and it was just absolute madness. That was the last time I ever go anywhere on boxing day. A couple nips on the ankles from shopping trollies too and many death glares.

I hate Christmas carols. I used to work in Chermside shopping centre in Brisbane a while ago. I think they only had 12 songs to play, all day every day. Ugh. They tend to over-do it a bit. I do used to Christmas shopping early in the year.

I'd love to help with a luncheon, but it's something I've never done before. I have had a back injury for just over a year now and standing for more than 15 - 20mins is difficult. Even when doing the dishes at home used to be a huge chore. Now I just wash it as I use it and don't let it pile up till the evening. I'd rather be around people than be alone, as I don't trust myself enough, especially not on Christmas day. It's the day my father died and it's something I'll never forget, although we never got along.

I usually just play my instruments when it feels like I'm about to slip further into the chasm.

Hope you have a wonderful time.

Richard

I haven't done Christmas in July. I guess I worry about what people think so doing another 'Christmas would add more stress. Also my husband is more often sick in winter so that adds extra stress. I'm unsure about celebrating my parents. My sister lives OS & my brother is a control freak (lovely person but everything has to be arranged by him otherwise he bails out. My kids are all busy & have very different perspectives/memories of their grandparents so I don't think I'm up to tackling something like a celebration to remember my parents. My MIL died recently & my husband is concerned about his dad as he is very frail.

Sorry it sounds like I'm complaining & making excuses. I have arranged for my kids to visit Xmas eve & I will do salad, fresh bread & ham so I can arrange everything before they come to keep it simple. My DIL will bring a desert & I'll do jelly icecream, mincepies & christmas cake. Hopefully that will be simple so we can focus on time together rather than cooking food

Hi mrs dools

Sorry but i stumbled across an old message board of urs...

Just wondered how are you and your husband.

And if you ever heard from karen again?

I hope everythings ok

Hi Shred,

Venting is okay. If you find it easy to talk to people on the phone, use the phone help line. I have done so int he past and find the people helpful.

Last night I had a bit of a "moment" and ran away from home for a while. I couldn't work out where I wanted to go so pulled over on a no through ride and tried to sleep in the car. When it dropped to about 10 degrees and my back was aching I sheepishly returned home!

If I do that again I will make sure I have enough clothing on and a blanket in the car! Ha. Ha.

Once again, I am really sorry about your friend.

When our babies died, I sometimes bought present for them and put them under the Christmas tree in the shopping centres where they gather gifts for kids.

In some weird way would it help you to buy a gift for a guy and take it to a homeless shelter or maybe to volunteer to help with a meal there. It doesn't have to be for Christmas.

I'm really sorry to read of your struggles. Wouldn't it be wonderful if all the hassles could just disappear!

Thinking of you and hoping you find ways to make life more bearable.

Hugs to you (if you want them) from Mrs. Dools

Hi Richard,

I forgot about the shopping trolleys! Ha. Ha.

Boxing Day in Adelaide used to be a time when most of the shops were shut. Our sales didn't start until the 27th or later depending on the day of the week. I am not actually sure if all of our stores are open Boxing Day or not!

Sorry to read your Dad died on Christmas Day. No matter what you thought of him or how you got along, your emotions and thoughts will no doubt be affected on Christmas Day with this memory.

Regarding the Christmas Day volunteering and a bad back, are you able to sit with your sore back? If so, you could sit and chat with people. That is a very important part as well, or just go and enjoy a meal and let other people chat to you.

Can you please tell us what instruments you like to play?

I am still not sure what we will be doing Christmas Day. We will be in a restaurant somewhere. Just the two of us. Guess I am very lucky that way!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Hi Elizabeth,

A meal that can be prepared easily sounds great to me.

Years ago I had an elderly friend who invited me for an evening meal now and then. As she became more frail, sometimes it was an egg on toast, or a microwaved spud with cheese. The meal wasn't the important thing, being together was.

Hopefully you will enjoy Christmas Eve.

The food you are organising sounds great to me!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Hi Hariet,

My husband and I are doing okay thanks. We are off to Bali for Christmas to escape the families. Ha. Ha.

Over time there have been a couple of Karen's whom I have been in contact with.

There was one Karen who seemed to be having a dreadful time with her depression. I think she spent a lot of time in her car.

If that is the same Karen, then No, she stopped using the forum.

I often wonder if people are okay or not. There is no way of us knowing if they don't keep in touch.

Do you have plans for Christmas?

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Dear Mrs Dools

i am really sorry to hear about your awful times you have at this time and want you to know how tough and caring you are

i really appreciate your kind thoughts about infertility. your suggestion about making gifts for small children is wonderful. I can't sew but will definitely be organising some small gifts this year and organise for a charity. We did get 6 weeks pregnant 3.5 years ago with ivf but unfortunately our precious one didn't have a Heartbeat.

Thank you again and take care xx

Hopefully I'll have fuel money to be gone well b4 my birthday and not come back till after New Years and the anniversary of my mums death...... there's nothing in civilisation at this time of year for me

a shady tree and absolutely no one within miles is all I can hope for

Hi Mrs Dools - thanks for the hug

It is hard getting out right now - I only get out for absolute essential stuff - so what you suggest may just have to wait; I get far too anxious and don't manage to be near lots of people without being extra vigilant.

I need to address this cos we fly out on the 22nd for a fortnight...any thoughts?

Dear Sandy,

I'm so very sorry to read about the loss of your pregnancy. Some people don't realise just how much a pregnancy can mean, even if it lasts only a short few weeks. From the moment I learnt I was pregnant, I was so extremely excited and already had my heart filled with love for our child.

I'm really not in a mood for Christmas at all this year. If other people are than that is wonderful, I am happy for them.

I don't have plans to buy any gifts, to write out any cards or decorate the house. I think it is a combination of negatives from Christmas's past.

Last year was very horrid with family sending extremely negative messages at Christmas time. Very hurtful and nasty. The year before that I had a breakdown just before Christmas and was in hospital for a while.

I've tried to request an emergency appointment with my psychologist, I can't even get an appointment made for next year at present!

Thursday night I "ran away from home" or drove away at least. I didn't have any money so tried to sleep in the car. The temperature dropped to below 10 degrees and I started to get cold and my back was aching, so I returned home with my tail between my legs.

Yesterday another chook died. That is two in a month. My gardening companions are not doing too well!

Friends and family are wanting to catch up before we head off on the 19th of December and I don't want anything to do with Christmas this year.

Some days I am concerned I am going to go BANG.

As you mentioned I am reasonably tough. Some days I just don't feel like I am bouncing back so well! Ha. Ha.

I do feel a little better after having had a grump, so thanks for that!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Hi Mc62,

Sitting under a shady tree sounds like a calming thing to do.

If that was me, I would take a blanket and a pillow, a picnic and my favourite drink.

Think I would take a book as well to read or listen to some music if there were no birds chirping.

A tree near some running water would be very peaceful.

You might be wondering what the pillow is for! I enjoy having a snooze when I am out in the garden, down the beach or in a park. A pillow is a little bit of luxury.

When my back was really bad, my husband would drive us to the beach with my laying down on the back seat as I could not sit up. I would then stagger to the beach and lay on a blanket with a pillow watching the waves.

It was very peaceful and restorative.

Wishing you all the best and hope you find an excellent tree to sit under.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

HI Shred,

You are welcome to as many cyber hugs as you would like.

Do you have an opportunity to go and see your Dr before you le3ave on the 22nd. Has he/she made suggestions in the past on how to cope and deal with stuff when it becomes really difficult?

Do you have music you could focus on, songs to sing in your head so you are concentrating on that more than what is actually happening around you?

Or would it help to find the pleasurable things that are happening once you leave the house? Depending on where you are living, you might try to hear the birds singing or maybe try and spot 5 things that are green for instance.

I don't know if that would help. It might. I find distraction works for me sometimes.

Saturday I helped out at a Church fundraiser. I really didn't want to go, but forced myself. Once I was there I started to feel better. I pushed myself to chat with people. I talked with a guy who came to buy stuff. He cracked me up with the funniest jokes.

I don't remember any of them, but he really lightened my mood.

Like I mentioned, if possible have a chat to your Dr.

I really do hope you come up with something to help make it all easier for you.

Cheers and hugs from Mrs. Dools

Hi Everyone,

I spoke with my psychologist last week and I feel a bit better about the silly season. The impending sense of doom is fading, which can only be a good thing, I think.

I've managed to score a bit of casual work in the lead up to Christmas which will certainly help the finances.

It's sad that so many of us find this time of year so depressing. I don't know what the answer is to it but I sure hope someone finds it!

Cyber hugs to all who need them right now.

Dear Mrs Dools

Thank you for your kind words - lots of love and cyber hugs to you

Sylvia x

Dear Mrs Dools

Thanks for your kind words..I am seeing my GP and psychologist this week again and will try to get some tips on how to handle things. It's so hard though and my family members who are close by are just so dependent on me with unrealistic expectations, that, after they pop in (almost every day) I am left feeling angry and even more despondent. They left not long ago - how I wish they could see just a little of how hard it is for me.

Hi Sylvia,

I appreciate the kind words, hugs and love right now. Going through a bit of a low time myself. Not much fun is it!.

Last night I tried to organise a time to catch up with a girlfriend before Christmas and before we go away. She too is depressed right now so we didn't get very far. Ha. Ha. At least we managed to have a laugh together on the phone so that was good.

Today I am going to do some gardening before it becomes too hot then will try and think of things to do inside in the afternoon.

My depression is a bit yuck right now so finding motivation is not always easy!

I'm seeing my Dr. tomorrow for another mental health care plan so hopefully I can connect with the psychologist again.

Ah this depression, it really does suck at times doesn't it!

Hope you are doing okay Sylvia,

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools