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Forums / Long term support over the journey / FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

Topic: FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

  1. Kazzl
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    12 December 2016 in reply to Shred1106

    Hi Shred, I'm sorry to hear of your sad news. It must be especially hard for you this week with the anniversary coming up. Why do bad things always happen at Christmas!

    Sounds like you've got a very astute and kind niece there, that's lovely. Hang in there hun, as each day passes we get closer to it being over and life returning to some semblance of normality.

    Hi Mrs Dools, that must have been fun with the kids even if the horses weren't keen haha.

    I was reading a local community FB page today and some people were talking about volunteering on Christmas Day, serving lunch to homeless folks etc. Just wondering if anyone here has done a similar thing or is planning to this year? I'd love to but I have the family thing to do.

    Maybe it might give some ideas to people who will be alone this year? Just a thought.

    Kaz

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Shred1106
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    245 posts
    12 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Morning all

    I had a poor sleep last night but have woken to another day -

    I guess that the most difficult thing about struggling is letting go...

    Sounds like Riding for the Disabled went well Mrs Dools despite the heat...

    The Swan sounds beautiful Kaz...

    I have my niece with me again for a while today - she brings me peace and understanding. Hopefully though when we meet up with someone (we have to) I can manage that without embarrassment.

    I really just want it all to pass ...and be somewhere else....minus the Christmas stuff - even the traffic an parking in my local town is hell!!

    1 person found this helpful
  3. 1113
    1113 avatar
    938 posts
    12 December 2016 in reply to Shred1106

    Hay shreddy,

    I cant even get out to the shops. Its that bad. My sister is doing my Christmas shopping for me.

    Its wounderful to have friends and family.

    Keep your chin.

    Peace

    Matt.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    12 December 2016 in reply to 1113

    Hi Everyone,

    Kaz, there has been mention in earlier posts here about assisting/volunteering for Christmas. It is a great idea, good to renew that suggestions with new comers to this thread. I helped out at a Church luncheon last year. We served the people attending and sat and ate with them. Then up again for the next course.

    Someone in all their wonderful wisdom decided now was a good time to rebuild the regional shopping centre and mall. The car park is now only 1/4 its original size. People are parking on the main road now with trucks whizzing past. We have a large elderly population in our area! The availability of Disabled Parks has dropped by more than half.

    Some shops have closed due to their rent increasing even though the new centre only has a roof on it and no walls.

    Another bright spark decided December was an excellent time to pave out the front of our local post office. The building is on the main highway from Adelaide to the Riverland and to Sydney. This means trucks, more trucks, caravans and thousands of cars a day not noticing the 25 km sign.

    The workers trucks are all parked next to the work site so once again there is no parking. The workers have blocked up the side road with their trucks as well. The Post office is full of parcels. They need a sack truck so people can get their parcels safely to their cars up the road.

    Shred, your niece does sound wonderful.

    Matt it is a good thing you have family to help you out, but not so good that you are unable to get out of the house. Do you have a garden at all? If so can you sit out there for a little while?

    I'm trying to think of a Christmas joke, but can't recall one. I can't recall any jokes actually! Ha. Ha.

    Does anyone have a funny Christmas story to cheer us all up?

    A few years ago I made a gingerbread house. My nieces helped to break it up with a couple of (washed and disinfected) hammers. It was hilarious. We had bits of ginger bread house going everywhere. Certainly made it easier to eat! Ha. Ha.

    Cheers all from Mrs. Dools.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Moonstruck
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    12 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Well I am even more overwhelmed now. My specialist in our capital city who sees me once a year in July, rang the other day - I had some blood tests and they'd like me to come down for a chat bit earlier - like January!!

    They usually only discuss the 6 monthly tests with me on the phone, to save me the trip!!

    You've gotta be kidding! I plan to be away early Jan baby sitting my grandkids while their parents are at work, I am already stressed out preparing for this - a parcel for the kids went astray in the Post..hasn't been returned to me either, so goodbye Christmas presents! Now I have to get more. I can't afford much more outlay this year!

    the regular exploratory surgery I had in November - usually once a year..they want to do AGAIN this month...so I go thru the whole thing again next week a few days before Xmas! (at least it is in our own hospital, so don't have to travel)

    They can be delightfully vague when they want to...."No, nothing to worry about"...."Well why do I have to have it again so soon then? And why do the Brisbane guys want to see me so soon? No straight answers.

    Specialist's nurse said my ABC's are higher than my 1 2 3's or something...and I am very low in..something else, and they just want to have a talk with me!! I put all my tiredness, not feeling up to par etc down to Christmas stress (which I never deal well with..I hate it) the excessive heat, getting older with the usual aches and pains associated.........now of course I am imagining I am seeing funny symptoms everywhere, looking up Dr Google....and have another long trip in front of me in February!!

    haven't told my family and don't think I will...they will only worry and add to their own Christmas stress.

    On top of that...my work was supposed to wind down for the year this week...boss has extended it to next, right up to Christmas Day!!! Didn't ask me if that suited, or if I had anything else planned! I was so looking forward to being "free" from him this week!!!

    Sorry folks, but I just had to vent somewhere.....why, why this time of year??? Someone please tell me why Christmas is so horrible for so many of us???

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  6. 1113
    1113 avatar
    938 posts
    12 December 2016 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hi Moonbear,

    I was happy to listen.

    Sometimes just getting it off your mind is enough!

    I hope that some happiness, love and calmness comes to you for Christmas.

    I believe it will happen.

    You deserve it.

    Take a nice deep breath and think of something happy.

    Peace to you moonbear!

    Mrs D,

    I haven't spoken to you in ages. I can get out of the house. I just don't like busy shopping centers. To many people.

    I hope love, kindness and memory are your Christmas presents this year.

    Peace to you Mrs d.

    Kazz,

    Its a pleasure as always. I hope that happiness, love and peace are yout Christmas presents.

    Peace to you kazzl

    Peace and happiness to everyone!

    Smiling with joy

    Matthew

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Starwolf
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    13 December 2016

    Sad that so many of you are struggling at the moment. Ironic so much distress is striking at what is supposed to be a time of "good cheer".

    Moon, there's so much on your plate at the moment. Not getting straight answers is so infuriating, waiting for them so stressful...the white coat brigade should be more mindful of what they're putting patients through ! Not much is achieved this time of year as everyone is focused elsewhere. Hopefully, the way you're being fobbed off is only due to seasonal slackness.

    You were so looking forward to leaving that job behind...I'm wondering what stops you putting an end to it right now. Your employer didn't have the decency to inform you of his decision. That's showing lack of respect and consideration, that's taking you for granted. No wonder you are feeling angry and pressured...but why not take good care of yourself, shed some of the overload weighing you down and tell him to start looking for someone else ? Wouldn't it bring a bit of joy into your life ? When everything becomes too much, it is a good idea to take a courageous plunge and make a wise decision to turn things around. What makes you think you don't deserve to take a break when you so much want/need to ?

    Well done Mrs Dools, riding for the disabled does a terrific job. I'm with you re volunteering. It is a gift that gives twice, not only to those in need but also to oneself as it takes focus away from our own woes. As I have done many years, I'll spend Xmas morning taking over at a private animal shelter, so that staff can enjoy family time and a well deserved break. K9 inmates don't need to be left unattended for longer than usual. As it is located out of the way, I can travel there and back via deserted backroads. All remote dirt tracks...so no need to approach "civilization" !

    To all of you, hang in there, the wave of madness will pass. Diving under is the safest way to go but finding a life jacket or hanging on to a buoy helps too. Calmer waters lie ahead. What/who will your buoy be this year ?​

    2 people found this helpful
  8. Moonstruck
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    3874 posts
    13 December 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Oh what a pain in the a......s I've become lately!! For goodness Moonstruck....focus on the positive...of course there's a positive, more than one. I realised today that focusing on negatives, or possible bad outcomes was completely USELESS......what harm could it do, what did I have to lose by focusing on possible positives? Nothing, that's what...nothing to lose.

    Got stocked up on some vitamins and natural herbal stuff which, whether they are useless or not, will make me FEEL better (even by the placebo effect) simply because I THINK they will....and I do, already.

    I am not so tired...so there, old body and troubled mind...I AM IN CONTROL.. Hey isn't it great that my specialist is so on the ball, that they call me if my levels of something are even down a bit....and want to check how I am in person, not just miles away on the phone...How good is that?....that I am on their list of regular patients....(not easy to get on a list up here with Qld Health)...they keep close tabs on me...that's a GOOD thing silly old Moonstruck!

    So it's going to be a bit tiring and stressful looking after the grandkids, so my son doesn't have much room at his place..so what?? We will be TOGETHER....I get to spend time exclusively, on my own..with my 2 Grandkids that I ADORE......so what's not to be grateful for??

    the only thing I have absolute control over is my Attitude - to what is happening. I can't control what is happening....but I CAN control how I deal with it!! So instead of being anti-sick and tired, I am trying to be

    Pro-Wellness.. (well that's enough sunshine, lollipops and moonbeams for one night folks....keep smiling)

    2 people found this helpful
  9. Shred1106
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    245 posts
    13 December 2016 in reply to Moonstruck

    Dear Moonstruck

    Yes - you will be with family and that is ultimately one of the most wonderful gifts we can have.

    Enjoy - sure you'll be tired but happy tired I expect.

    At least your family isn't fractured like mine...

    Peace to you and kind thoughts

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8853 posts
    13 December 2016 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hi Moonstruck,

    That really sucks! It is frustrating when you don't get straight answers form medical people. I am sorry you now have all of this added stress and rushing about when you are busy enough already.

    Shame the boss decided to extend for another week. Would have been nice and considerate if he had announced this earlier to help people prepare.

    This is a great place to vent. I know I do! Ha. Ha. No one hear listens to me! Ha. Ha. again.

    One day at a time my dear, or maybe even cut that day into chunks so life seems more manageable.

    Hopefully that parcel will show up sometime! I have received Christmas cards in June that were posted the previous November. Who knows where they end up!

    Thinking of you Moon and hoping you will be okay.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    13 December 2016 in reply to 1113

    Dear Matthew,

    Thank you so much for your kind words and best wishes.

    Most Christmas Days my memories wander to the still born babies. Sometimes these memories bring tears, other times a sense of peace as I believe their souls are in Heaven and one day we will be together again. I always carry them around in my heart.

    Love, peace, happiness, acceptance and what ever else, I wish to you and all.

    Cheers from Mrs. Dools

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  12. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8853 posts
    13 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi All,

    MOONSTRUCK< excellent change in attitude! High fives to you!

    SHRED< My Mum has totally amazed me lately. She has sent us cards and money for Christmas and actually wrote LOVE FROM in her cards. That rarely happens! You may have some miracles as well, hopefully on the home front.

    STARWOLF< That is such a generous and lovely thing to do!

    For me, I am going to try hard to write out some Christmas Cards today!

    Deep breathes, heads up high and smiles on faces everyone.

    For those of you about to tackle the shops:

    Wear boots to stop the rear end trolley crashes into your heels,

    Slide on a circular floating device around your waste to increase your personal space An inner tube will do

    Talk like a nutter so people might let you go to the start of a queue for the check out

    Any other suggestions?

    Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Just Sara
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    13 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Hey Mrs D!

    Great thread by the way!

    I never thought I'd be posting here as I've always loved the Xmas spirit and didn't think I'd have anything to offer. But I'm finding this yr to be particularly 'different' to others.

    *I've changed...my family haven't. Maybe it's how my attitude to life has morphed from being overly tolerant and negative, to self focused with a good sense of boundaries; recovery I think.

    I've done a little shopping, but only for those 'special' people in my life. I normally do the one day shop covering everyone and need 2 days recovery to get back to normal! No cards have been written yet which is also different.

    My mother is having dinner at her place this yr; it's hideous the way she controls and won't let us be involved. I want so much to be a part of the season's merriment it hurts to be left out.

    My sisters are struggling with this too. So we've decided to have our own party Xmas night with drinks, silliness and laughter, which my mum won't tolerate. I feel some guilt, though it'll be nice to let go of the formality of my mum's stressful lunch.

    Maybe I'm just being a grumble bum Grinch!

    Merry Xmas to all...Sara xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  14. Shred1106
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    245 posts
    14 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Hey Mrs Dools

    Great advice, especially with the inner tube thing while shoppping!

    I am so pleased your Mum actually said the word love in her cards! That is huge.

    Today I am attempting to clean part of the house - I started with a small area yesterday and am trying a larger area today. Once the fur babies go into their holiday home I like to run my carpet shampooer through the place, so it's generally the night before we go away.

    I am horrified to hear that many people who have put up lights and displays around our smaller towns (40klm radius) have had them stolen. The local cops are working hard on it.Although I am not Christmassy, it is sad for the little kids to miss out.

    I will try to get to see two friends before we fly out, and they both know my situation so I plan to have them come here so I don't have to go out. It is getting a little easier to get out but I am still worried about running into people. I haven't sent any cards this year at all - many of my friends just send stuff via facebook or instagram these days and that suits me fine. So there is no hint of Christmas at my place at all - just the way I like it.

    You go ahead Sara with your sister's and have your own celebration !!!!!!

    The season will all be over before we know it...

    Shred out

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Just Sara
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    14 December 2016 in reply to Shred1106

    Thanks Shred!

    Will do...

    Sara xo

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  16. Starwolf
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    14 December 2016

    Moon, well done for putting on your mind floaties ! Now you can lie back and relax. The odd wave may still toss you around, forcing you to swallow/snort a bit of salt water but it won't drag you down...you'll keep topside.

    Shred, I'm with you on vandalism of Xmas displays. Whether it be pure spite, or just stupid drunken antics (there's a lot of that going on this time of year !), it is a selfish, mindless act. Quite a few people on the outskirts of the closest rural town have given up on decorations as local cowboys have been using them as target practice.

    Sara, you are entitled to the Xmas that suits YOU. Your mother's idea of it doesn't sound like much fun...If you can't have silliness during what is dubbed as the silly season, something is seriously out of whack. I suggest you shove guilt in a box , wrap it in Xmassy​ paper, tie ribbons/tinsel around it and burn it in ritual offering to the Universe. Have fun !

    I hope we can all be on the lookout for miracles during the next few days. Being open to them is the way to invite them.

    2 people found this helpful
  17. girl_interrupted
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    150 posts
    14 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Mrs D,

    You've been thru so much. I cried when I read one of your other posts about your loss. I'm so sorry you had to go thru that. You're a beautiful person x

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  18. Starwolf
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    14 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    Mrs Dools...I see you in my mind eye. There are cherubs in your aura. You are surrounded with love. Blessed.
    2 people found this helpful
  19. Shred1106
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    245 posts
    14 December 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Hi all

    Well, I just had my first Christmas beetle come onto the front patio while I was sitting out there. Haven't seen one in years!.

    Friends are heading out of town over the next few days so all I have to do is make it through tomorrow's anniversary and a funeral on tuesday and then we fly out this time next week.

    Mrs Dools - you are an inspiration on a daily basis

    Starwolf - you're a champ

    Sara - just continue to be yourself

    Note: If we aren't good enough for others during this time of year at least we are good enough and appreciate each other's value here in these forums

    Christmas need not be the only time we appreciate those around us..

    Shred out....

    3 people found this helpful
  20. Just Sara
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    15 December 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Mrs D, Star, GI, Moon, Shred and others;

    The tears are rolling down my cheeks...

    When I was a teen, I sat at our Xmas Dinner table alone, waiting for my dysfunctional family to arrive and play happy families. Instead, my dad was drunk doing back-flips on the lawn while my little sisters laughed on. My mum was swearing in the kitchen throwing food everywhere and promising never to have Xmas again. My beautiful Nan had passed the previous yr, so loneliness and 'wishful' thoughts pervaded my mind...I cried then too.

    Today, reading all your wonderfully positive posts and replies, my heart is filled with an unknown quantity...receiving Xmas spirit and love. Some 'happenings' in my life at present also reflect this 'absence' of fear and negative expectations. Absolutely paradoxal, but beautiful!

    Each Xmas, the scene of me sitting alone flashes in front of me. This yr, my table is full of strangers...fabulous strangers. Faceless men and women with warmth, compassion, wearing party hats, smiling and sharing their joy and laughter...a scene worth remembering indeed.

    My gratitude and humble love to all...Sara xoxo

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  21. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    15 December 2016 in reply to Just Sara

    To all my dear extended family and friends,

    Thank you one and all for helping to make this thread a special place to be, no matter if you are happy or sad at the moment, we are all sharing and encouraging each other. Ah, blessings to you all!

    So far I haven't been around our little town at night time to see if anyone does have Christmas lights on! I might do a drive around Saturday night. There is one lady here who leaves her lights on all year round. Just sharing the cheer!

    It is really sad to read that people are having their lights stolen or shot at! That really is so sad.

    I'm going to the shops tomorrow to buy some little gifts for children we may run into on Christmas Day. It will make me very happy to give those out.

    We have friends coming tomorrow night for dinner so I have brought in a nativity scene and a 40 c,m, high Christmas tree from the shed. I also have the Christmas wreath on the front door. Now to sweep up the front porch...later.

    I haven't responded to you all individually in case I accidently miss one of you dear people out in my comments.

    The weekend is almost upon us, I hope you are all able to make the most of each day as the 25th of December approaches.

    Thanks everyone for your precious messages. I will accept all the love and care you all send me, and return it to you as well.

    I like the idea of having cherubs in my aura, thanks Starwolf!

    Cheers all, wishing you a bit of happiness and a sense of peace. Love and hugs from me to you.

    2 people found this helpful
  22. Kazzl
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    15 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Thank YOU for making this thad so special Mrs Dools! And we'll take good care of it when you go away.

    Kaz

    xxx

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  23. Shred1106
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    245 posts
    15 December 2016 in reply to Kazzl
    Hear Hear Kaz!
  24. girl_interrupted
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    150 posts
    15 December 2016 in reply to Just Sara
    Thank you Sara, you are a warm, insightful and incredibly strong woman. Bless you for your kindness and inspiring words. I'm glad that we can all come here and give each other the warmth and support that we all need and deserve xx
  25. girl_interrupted
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    150 posts
    15 December 2016 in reply to Shred1106
    Dear Shred, I'm glad that you have people around you to give you support and love. Thinking of you during this tough time. It's horrible to think that people stoop that low to steal a family's xmas lights. The worst of them come out this time of year, sadly. I am also allergic to people (agoraphobia) and avoid as much as possible. It's hard sometimes when you just have to force yourself to go to the shop. I also haven't bothered with xmas cards this year - it's just too hard lol. I feel bad but I will email the people who mean the most to me to let them know I'm still thinking of them. The sentiment should be enough. Thankfully it will be over soon and we can all get back to some form of normal. Take care, BB friend x
  26. 1113
    1113 avatar
    938 posts
    15 December 2016 in reply to Just Sara

    Warm good moring all,

    Things are being to look happier for everone!

    Have a positive day!

    SWJ

    Peace

    Matt

    1 person found this helpful
  27. blackcat64013
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    21 posts
    15 December 2016

    A lovely friend of mine sent me a Christmas mental health checklist to see if my depression will feel worse than usual if I

    1. rush about to do holiday shopping
    2. am busy engaging in community events and Christmas parties
    3. have trouble dealing with family
    4. accept hosting responsibilities
    5. am spending above my means
    6. have anxiety about letting people down, not living up to responsibilities, being seen in a less favourable light if I don't do x thing, looking for perfect gifts.

    I ticked off most of these so I ticked off these words of advice

    1. do what you feel comfortable with
    2. don't cram too much in
    3. reach out for help from family, friends and mental health professional (I am not alone),
    4. don't feel guilty for saying no
    5. make a plan for the holiday period with small steps, one at a time (Christmas still has 24 hours a day)

    3 people found this helpful
  28. 1113
    1113 avatar
    938 posts
    16 December 2016 in reply to blackcat64013

    Pleasure to meet you Blackcat,

    Thats a really nice one

    Family, friends, drs.....perfect

    Guilt is very hard to come to terms with. But there is no blame. There is no guilt, only Christmas Joy.

    Be happy everone

    SWJ

    Peace

    Matt.

  29. Moonstruck
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    3874 posts
    16 December 2016 in reply to Just Sara

    Ok then - deck the halls, let it snow let it snow (as if) O come all ye faithful and jingle your bells if you must!

    I'm glad to be sharing your table this Christmas Sara - what a peculiar group of guests you'll have won't you....all of us...quite a motley crew!! I can't think of another bunch of people I'd rather share the time with than this lot!! Thank you for letting me come visit with you for a while this year - it's been great to meet you Sara. You used one of my favourite words a couple of posts back..."hideous". I love that word. You don't hear it a lot these days do you?...Hideous. Very apt....you don't mind if I borrow it occasionally do you?

    Keep smiling beautiful - love to all from Moon S x

    (I forgot to remind everyone about the fabulous FULL MOON this week.....didja all see it???? that's me, in the photo just on the left there...that's what I was doing!)

    1 person found this helpful
  30. 1113
    1113 avatar
    938 posts
    16 December 2016 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hi moonbear,

    It was a spectacular full moon. I Didn't miss it this time. I stood outside at 2am for a 1hr just watching.

    It was clear and calm and so bright. The dog was barking at it. The planet was quiet. A bit like this forum atm. Doh

    Supermoon.

    Peace

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