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Topic: Finally opening up

  1. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    14 September 2017 in reply to BballJ

    I accept that. I have tried speaking to her to get her to understand and to act a bit differently, but she keeps making the same mistakes and the same errors and it does not help me much at all. I talk to one of my cousins, but I don't talk to her often and she is busy being a mother and a wife and lives a bit of a distance away, so not always as easy to get to hers. Other than that, I don't really have anyone else. Everyone I had who was a friend is no longer as they all think I am too much and pushed away. My dad just can't understand it and wants nothing of it. Same can be said for most of my family really.

    I just think its silly that I have to miss her and there is nothing I can do about it. It's obvious that the break up is really painful and I still wish to be with her, but if I can't why do i have to keep thinking about her and about the good times we spent. The mind is a silly place. I read a really good quote about love that resonated with me, I shall see if I can find it again and I will share it here. It just kind of summed up everything.

    Yeah, it is nice to have that change. I am still feeling a little like an outsider at work, but getting there slowly and hopefully it pays off. I am going to Johannesburg and Cape Town. Going for a friends wedding, and will spend some time with my cousins. Feels like not long enough though when I look at the schedule...

  2. Sad Puppy Dog
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    97 posts
    16 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Perhaps the exercise I am about to do soon this afternoon might help, which is to write a letter to my 2nd ex partner. I don' know if it'll actually be something I'd send to her, but it's a trial run, one sided, full bore, stream of consciousness, however long it ends up writing session to just get all my thoughts and feelings out, good, bad, frustrated, tender, all of it. I've found a lake with some ducks that is a nice place of solace and that's where I'll be doing it, especially while it is a sunny day.

    Not a whole lot else has been working all that well this week, given that I have fallen back into poor sleeping patterns again so it is worth a try. Maybe you could have a go too.

  3. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    17 September 2017 in reply to Sad Puppy Dog

    I am actually writing something down. I will never be able to give it to my ex to read, but I am working on something and hopefully it will help me. Mine is more of a book than a letter though.

    That is good that you are doing that though. I don't know the full story, but I feel like if she has made her mind up, then you need to find ways to get over her, and you have people like myself to help you along. I will always be here if and when you need. It seems our stories are very similar so I know what you are feeling and I hope you can one day find someone who sees how special you are.

    That sucks to hear. I have had bad sleeping habits for quite a while now, but I can feel myself slowly getting over her and hopefully moving forward. Today I went on instagram and there was a picture of her right at the top of my feed. It was horrible to see her beautiful face, but I felt it did not hurt as much I thought it would. This could be because I am starting to understand my emotions a bit more and not letting them decide things for me. I really want to be able to see this through with you, so let me know how the writing goes.

  4. BballJ
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    17 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I understand everything you are saying, it is so difficult when you feel you do not have anyone to speak with. Like you said to Sad Puppy Dog, we are here to talk to you through this. We cannot solve your problems but we are always happy to read what you are going through and give you a venting space and offer any advice to you in hope that it helps you. I have been in the spot of not having anyone to really talk too and wish I found these forums back when I was younger going through that.

    Would love to hear that quote if you find it.

    Cape Town and Johannesburg sounds awesome, not your average holiday, hopefully that will be a welcome distractions for you.

    My best,

    Jay

  5. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    18 September 2017 in reply to BballJ

    I am really grateful for you responding and always being here, as well as Greg in the early days. Same for SadPuppyDog, although his name does remind me of her puppies....not his fault though. It has helped me a lot and I know that often sometimes I relapse and have a hard time getting over her and bringing it up, I guess this is the first time I have actually tried to tackle my problems and it is all happening at once so I am not doing the best job. This is 10 years old build up.

    The quote is by Neil Gaiman. "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets inside you and rip you apart pain. I hate love."

    More of an essay than a quote, but I really love the way it's put.

    Cape Town and Johannesburg are really nice places. I was there last year as well. Will be nice to see my family. Am very anxious for the wedding as I don't know too many people and am not much of a social interaction person, so not really sure how I will survive that. I'm really hoping it will be a chance for me to get her off my mind for good, but somehow I doubt that very much.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Sad Puppy Dog
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    97 posts
    18 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    That Gaiman quote is ridiculously accurate. Holy crap. It says so much over what it is all about.

    It reminds me of something I think I told me dad not long ago saying that I'm in love but I can't enjoy it. I'm in love but I'm completely miserable because I'm not with the one I have the love for. And I kind of resent it, don't want it. For my sanity, "Get off me!"

    Sigh.

  7. BballJ
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    18 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Not a problem at all, that is exactly what these forums as for, a place you can just vent and not be judged or anything. We are glad to have you here. You are doing a really good job by the way, I also dealt with all my anxiety issues after a decade long build up, probably more than a decade but about the same time and it really does help when you finally tackle them head on.

    That quote is awesome and so very true. Very deep.

    I think just take the trip as it comes, don't put too much pressure on yourself to interact with people at the wedding, just be yourself and let it flow, just enjoy your time away and use it as a refresher.

    My best,

    Jay

  8. Guest_0087
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    224 posts
    19 September 2017

    Firstly. I apologise to Geoff for calling him Greg. woops

    @spd

    I know that feeling. Being in love but not being with that person. There are times when I can get over it and it does not affect me, but then there are times when I just want to rip my heart out and throw it away so I dont have to feel the pain. I am really hating things at the moment. I just can't stop thinking about her, no matter how much I keep trying to move on. This morning I went to take out the bins at work and I walked past the restaurant we went to, and I just cracked. I hate how I can go from she not being a thought one day, to her memory ruling my life. How is the letter coming along? Did you manage to get some things written down?

    @jay

    I never expected anyone to respond, or continually respond, so I guess that gave me kind of a hope. At the moment I know its possible to get over it and move forward, I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel though. It's kind of excruciating, but it's the reality I am living with.

    Yeah, the problem is myself is not what everyone expects. I don't mind the weirdness but not everyone acknowledges it. I also struggle really badly with anxiety and my nerves just take over when it comes to social interaction. My biggest aim for my trip is to eat a lot of the fast food they have in South Africa. Its really good and cheap. Finally going to the range again tomorrow. Been about two weeks since I've last been. Think my game will be completely out of whack

  9. Sad Puppy Dog
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    97 posts
    19 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi Zimbo,

    I made a start yesterday. I found a good spot at a sheltered picnic table at my new favourite park but it was too cold, windy and distracting. After ten minutes I left. Since my internet is down and I'm equally invested in going through my Youtube playlist (225 odd videos on psychology, depression, lonliness, relationships, breakups, NLP, etc) as well, I want to get through some of those at the library first. Going to have a couple of hours set aside for letter writing tomorrow and the sun should be out too.

  10. BballJ
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    19 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    The light is there and it is coming, just need to keep moving forward and digging and looking for it. It is there.

    I have suffered from anxiety for a long time but social anxiety was never one of them so I cannot relate entirely on that part but anxiety is anxiety at the same time and it can be so crippling so I understand that. Fast food sounds good, what sort of fast foods do they have? I went to the range the other day, my swing was actually working for me that day so I walked out feeling good.

    My best,

    Jay

  11. Guest_0087
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    224 posts
    20 September 2017

    @spd

    That's good to hear. I keep getting lazy to continue writing my book, so I hope you have been able to get a lot more written than I have. That is a lot of videos on one topic. I used to watch a fair few of them too because it does not make you feel so alone knowing there are others going through the same thing. I feel the same way on this forum hearing your story and having Jay responding, not feeling alone. Probably the only place where I do not feel that way and it really is ironic. Anyway, I hope you managed to get a lot done. I do plan on writing a bit today, so hopefully I will be able to get a fair bit written down at some point.

    @jay

    I hope you are right. I am really missing her today and the depression has hit much harder today than normal. I have been trying to find some new music for my trip as well, but everything seems to be about love and falling for someone, and it just keeps reminding me of what I lost. I also hate that I can't seem to get along with my parents. I read a sign today that said, "would you rather have friends or money" and for the first time I actually contemplated the money. I guess its because I've always hoped for friends and I dont have any, so at least with the money I can do things like travel and sort of essentially keep running away from everything.

    Hopefully I can find the better times you speak of. At the moment, it just feels like every day is a drag. They have very similar fast food to here, but it is more the taste that stands out. A lot of the food, especially the meat, is so fresh and less refined that it just has a much better taste. It could just be me though. Should be going to the range tonight, hopefully I can find my swing otherwise I am just going to get more frustrated.

  12. BballJ
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    20 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    That is ok that you had a bad day in missing her, you have to keep riding these bad days out and they come in waves, one day you are doing better, the next you don't feel as good as you did but then the next you start to feel better again. There is no time frame on how long it takes to get over someone, it happens in any amount of time and only you can get yourself there. That sign is interesting, I am not sure what I would pick, I don't have many friends either so I can see how you would want to pick the money as well.

    I think the trip will do you more good than not, I think it will be just a good experience and to be away from home is never a bad thing and to sort of get out of your mind even if it is temporary. How did the range go?

    My best,

    Jay

  13. Sad Puppy Dog
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    97 posts
    21 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    The letter writing is a start/stop process and I'm trying not to be frustrated by it. It's not an easy, flowing, do it all it one go exercise and it is what it is. It'll take as long as it takes, I know that some times I am not motivated to confront myself and get things out, don't want to go to the park and there could be several versions written. It is just how it is.

    The videos are the same. It partly comes down to mood. On one hand it feels important for me to go through them all out of a desperate search and need for solutions and clarity (My go to mode that actually doesn't work a whole lot...so the psychologist says) but on the other it feels like the actions of an OCD completist and potentially burning myself out on too much of it. I just have to balance it with some distracting, lighter stuff too.

    I can't recall if you have detailed what your book is about but, what IS it about?

  14. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    21 September 2017

    @jay

    Yeah i understand all that. Really been missing her the last couple of days and it hurts a lot. I am trying to move forward too. I think I am coming to terms with her having a permanent place in my heart now. It sucks a lot when you miss someone so much. I have this jumper of mine that reminds me of her a lot, and I really like the jumper so do not want to get rid of it. I decided I will take it on my trip. Even though it reminds me of her, I will always miss her. It is part and parcel of loving someone, but I figured I need to be able to control those feelings and not let them get the better of me, so will take the jumper on my trip and hopefully it wont be too bad.

    My game was actually not bad. The moment I stopped thinking about my swing too much and just played my natural game, I was hitting the ball quite nicely. So hopefully if I can get in to it a bit more, I can perfect my swing. Still a lot of wayward shots.

    @sth

    I know that feeling. I have started and restarted my writings and my books so many times its unreal. Even the one I am writing now is a start stop and it frustrates me sometimes. I know the feeling with the videos too. I too am constantly trying to find solutions and clarity, and when you posted on here it helped me realise that I am not the only one. I keep seeing people be couples everywhere and it hurts me a lot, but reading your story helped me realise I am not the only one. I really hope you find someone special soon.

    My book is kind of in letter format. It is essentially the story of finding this girl and then the relationship ending. The whole story touches on a few things such as love, depression, friends etc. I hope it's good. Like you say though, its stop start. Sometimes I can write for an hour or more non stop, other times I just stare at it.

  15. Sad Puppy Dog
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    97 posts
    21 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi Zimbo,

    Just to steer the topic off the relationship stuff for a moment (A tad exhausted by it) and stay on writing, there can be a lot of staring going on and in action. It is SO much a part of the process, whether it be a personal thing or a creative endeavor. I know that with this letter for example, it is much about fearing writing all these thoughts and feelings out that have been stuck in my head and rehashed and rehearsed over and over again. Why do I hesitate so much? Isn't writing it out supposed to be helpful?

    But even with creativity it is the same. As a film maker, I write screenplays for myself. And I run into walls and blocks, storytelling holes and that can be infuriating, looking at the screen and unable to move forward. Sometimes I might have a clearer picture on a scene that takes place later in the story and could write that easily and with clarity and feel fulfillment from it...but the OCD part of me feels I have to solve the earlier scene FIRST! Maybe I have not "earned" that yet but I also know that if I tackle the scene I DO know how to write, will feel fun and satisfaction by writing, I'll feel better...rather than persisting at the problem scene and getting nowhere but angry. And sometimes too, writing is like pulling teeth. It can be enjoyable, I can be quite good at it, yet I procrastinate...partly because I know that i'm also going to have those hair tearing moments.

    It's a strange craft.

  16. BballJ
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    21 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I think that is ok that she has a permanent spot in your heart, I would like to say maybe make it semi-permanent because when you meet someone new, which you will in time, they will want your heart all to themselves. It's ok to hold on things like the jumper too, if it makes you feel any better then it is ok. All apart of the healing process I like to think. How long is it until your trip?

    Awesome stuff with having a good game, feel good when you are hitting the ball well though huh.

    My best,

    Jay

  17. Guest_0087
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    224 posts
    22 September 2017

    @spd

    I know mate. I'm sorry that it has been a constant. It is one of my main depression points and that is what this forum is for. I am truly grateful that you respond and keep talking. I am actually a journalist by degree and worked in the field for a long time. There were times when I would just stare at my screen trying to figure out what to write in a small 300 word article, even though I had all the facts. With journalism it is often hard because you have to write what you are given, with stories there is a piece of advice I like. Write what you would want to read, not what you think others want to.

    I like it because it helps to just let the words flow more and you do not keep wondering if it is any good or if anyone will like it. I think you might be hesitating for the same reason I do. When you write something personally it can bring up old memories or open scars. Don't let the fear contain you though. Write it out. Then read it over and edit wherever you feel until you have written something you feel content with. It is better to often put your thoughts on to paper than to have them consume you from the inside. I do not think you have to go in a particular order. Sometimes you can write the end or the middle first and work around it. If you have something to build off, it makes the writing process a lot easier I feel. I do agree though. It can be hair pulling to write. Sometimes the words just flow, and other times you do not even get a letter. Did you get much luck with that time you put aside to write?

    @jay

    It might sound silly, but you an absolute delight mate. Thank you for being the first person to validate my feelings and emotions. Everyone else always makes me feel like a burden and distances themselves from me, especially people I thought were friends. I hope you are right too about meeting someone new. I leave on Wednesday. Looking forward to it.

    I know. It's a great feeling when you strike it cleanly and it comes off the club sweetly. You hear that nice sound. Still a fair few were off, but I think hopefully now that I have some sort of rhythm, the more I practice, the more solid my swing will get.

  18. Sad Puppy Dog
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    97 posts
    24 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hey, I'm not bothered by you writing about your ex partner and all the feelings. I can't stop thinking about mine, no matter how hard I try. The only things that will keep her from my thoughts are when I am teaching a karate class or sleep. Problem is the immediate part when class finishes or I wake up to reality.

    I just wanted to go on a tangent for a moment because I knew my thoughts on writing would be a good couple of paragraphs. And I felt a bit burned out...not because of you, more on my end.

    The letter writing will hopefully resume tomorrow after a few days (For better or worse) going through still plenty more Youtube videos.

    I'm actually really struggling this afternoon, feeling this heartache so strongly and just...bawling. I hate this.

  19. Guest_0087
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    224 posts
    25 September 2017 in reply to Sad Puppy Dog

    Don't worry mate. I cant stop thinking about mine too. I did realise though that when I actively try not to think about them, it is harder. So I try not to actively stop thinking about her or getting her out of my mind. Like you though, I only don't think about her when I'm sleeping or talking to a customer. Other than that, it's hell.

    I'm glad you are sticking at the letter writing. I keep telling myself that if you can do it, then I can stick to my book and fight through the pains to finish it. That's not good to hear. I hope you are feeling better today. I too had a bit of a cry last night. It wasn't so much to do with my ex, but more to do with a whole bunch of other issues. Feeling alone and wondering where I threw my life away these last 9 years. My spiral in to certain addictions and giving up on things I was good at. Failing with my education and now having this degree but never being able to actually get a job in it.

    Do you mix up the youtube videos? I used to find that if I watch too many of those videos it sometimes did not help, so I would then change it up and add in a few other videos that were more escapism kind of thing.

  20. Sad Puppy Dog
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    25 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    As my discipline/motivation is low, I am kind of complicating things for myself. The OCD completist in me sort of feels the need to finish the many Youtube videos before I get back into the letter which puts it off. Yesterday afternoon I just felt too overwhelmed with the videos that I had to look at something lighter and therefore...things get put off further. The letter is important but I also shouldn't construct ways to beat myself up about not doing it at certain times too. It is supposed to be theraputic after all...hopefully.

    What kind of addictions have got in the way for you? I do know what you mean about a degree that is not getting me anywhere and the lack of progress I wish I was at. I learned as late into halfway through my Film and TV uni course that the degree was going to mean nothing in the real world. Although I always considered film school...I enrolled kind of on impulse and a desperate avoidance of being on Newstart Allowance and it bought me some time to figure out my career goals, having quit an 8 yr sales/management career in something totally different that I begun to hate some months before. It was a way to network as well and start film making again from scratch after an 8 yr break...albeit an expensive way to do that.

    Forging a career as a film director is HAAAAAARRRD, (Anywhere really, but Australia...Hell, South Aus?, my God) sometimes borderline impossible and combined with unprofessional amateurs I've had to deal with, mediocre networks and film funding bodies that don't seem to be of any help to emerging talent, I have felt quite disillusioned. I have massive ambitions and know what I want my career to be, it's actually all the stuff in between from here to there that is the difficult, frustrating and confusing part.

    I can't even seem to get anything happening job wise in something more "simple" and average in 9-5 in graphic design, the field I was originally trained in after high school before turning to film.

    So I believe you are like me with that compounding on top of the dominant relationship woes. I don't want to say misery loves company but in a morbid and sad but comforting way, it can kind of help a bit knowing others are in the same boat.

  21. BballJ
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    25 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Not silly at all, it is my pleasure to help in any way I can. I don't doubt for a second that you will meet some new and amazing down the track. Heartbreak teaches us a lot of lessons for down the track when we meet that next person. You will and have learnt a lot from this and I feel that is always a great thing.

    Leave on Wednesday? That is awesome, are you starting to look forward to it more now that it is closer?

    My best,

    Jay

  22. Guest_0087
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    224 posts
    26 September 2017

    I wrote a long reply and then the site crashed when I clicked post, so not sure if it worked. Attempt 2

    @sdp

    Dont worry mate. We all get mental blocks. One day you can write an epic battle in an 1 hour, the next you take 3 weeks to figure out how to get a character to walk across a room. If you do not get it finished straight away, thats fine. Take your time. Just keep working on it. That is the main thing. Do not give up on it. We all get writers block, especially me.

    I've always believe that you should do what makes you happy, not what pays the most. I believe you should continue to work towards the career that makes you happiest the most. Money will never be able to buy that. Finding jobs is really hard. I too am struggling. I get put off to apply though because of the constant rejection and the arduous hours and effort you need to put in to applying for a job that gives you no happiness. Some of the recruitment processes are longer than a university course.

    Sorry if i dont go into detail about the addictions. I feel like i have come along way with it and if i focus on them, I can fall back in to it. I fell in with a bad crowd and fell the wrong way with some decisions. Used to be quite the sportsman back in the day too. Still have the traits, but the moment is gone.

    Definitely lots of compounding. It's not weird. When I broke up with my ex I thought I was the only one in the world. Everyone told me to get over her and move on. I felt so alone like no one else existed. Then you said your story and I realised I was not. Other people are going through the same thing and finally I had someone i could not just relate to, but feel comfortable. I felt like I could fight through this and overcome this.

    @jay

    I feel like I have come some way, but that it is only about 5% of the way, which is not much at all. I would like to think that one day I will, but despite their being a flicker in the light now, I still often dont really see the light. Hopefully you are right though. Heartbreak hurts way too much.

    I am excited for it. Looking forward to it. Just want to escape from work and the stress. Hope it will do me some good. Kind of worried that I will come back and just fall in to this pain.

    I'm going to try and use this break to refresh, so not taking my laptop and such. Kind of disconnecting a bit, so if I do not respond to you and spd, i am so sorry. I already am looking forward to talking to you guys when I get back, but thought id give a heads up.

  23. Guest_0087
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    224 posts
    26 September 2017

    I wrote a long reply and then the site crashed when I clicked post, so not sure if it worked. Attempt 2

    @sdp

    Dont worry mate. We all get mental blocks. One day you can write an epic battle in an 1 hour, the next you take 3 weeks to figure out how to get a character to walk across a room. If you do not get it finished straight away, thats fine. Take your time. Just keep working on it. That is the main thing. Do not give up on it. We all get writers block, especially me.

    I've always believe that you should do what makes you happy, not what pays the most. I believe you should continue to work towards the career that makes you happiest the most. Money will never be able to buy that. Finding jobs is really hard. I too am struggling. I get put off to apply though because of the constant rejection and the arduous hours and effort you need to put in to applying for a job that gives you no happiness. Some of the recruitment processes are longer than a university course.

    Sorry if i dont go into detail about the addictions. I feel like i have come along way with it and if i focus on them, I can fall back in to it. I fell in with a bad crowd and fell the wrong way with some decisions. Used to be quite the sportsman back in the day too. Still have the traits, but the moment is gone.

    Definitely lots of compounding. It's not weird. When I broke up with my ex I thought I was the only one in the world. Everyone told me to get over her and move on. I felt so alone like no one else existed. Then you said your story and I realised I was not. Other people are going through the same thing and finally I had someone i could not just relate to, but feel comfortable. I felt like I could fight through this and overcome this.

    @jay

    I feel like I have come some way, but that it is only about 5% of the way, which is not much at all. I would like to think that one day I will, but despite their being a flicker in the light now, I still often dont really see the light. Hopefully you are right though. Heartbreak hurts way too much.

    I am excited for it. Looking forward to it. Just want to escape from work and the stress. Hope it will do me some good. Kind of worried that I will come back and just fall in to this pain.

    I'm going to try and use this break to refresh, so not taking my laptop and such. Kind of disconnecting a bit, so if I do not respond to you and spd, i am so sorry. I already am looking forward to talking to you guys when I get back, but thought id give a heads up.

  24. BballJ
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    26 September 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    5% is better than 0% and that is something you should be proud of, like I have said before, there is no time limit on when you should feel better so if you only feel you have improved by 5% then take that and be proud of it.

    I think the trip will do you justice, use it to switch off like you said, I think it is the best and I know you will have a good time if you do. No issue if you cannot respond, we'll be here when you get back wanting to keep talking.

    Have a great trip.

    My best,

    Jay

  25. Guest_0087
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    224 posts
    16 October 2017

    Back from my trip. It was an awesome trip. Did have some moments where I felt like it could unravel a bit when some of my health issues played up, but overall was an awesome trip. Did not want to leave Cape Town.

    Spent one day back at work and everything just came back. I hate my job. I need a new one but I do not know where I will find one. I can't believe how one day can make such a difference. I just want to be out travelling, or working in something where I am not under so much stress and pressure, and literally affecting my life. I need to find a change soon or I fear I wont be able to last much longer.

    I realised that every hurtful moment or pain is associated with Australia, which is probably why I do not enjoy it here as much, but Australia is home, so I have to make the most of it. Hopefully if I can find a new job and get my health under control, I can start to find some sort of positive change.

    Hope you have been keeping well Jay and SPD?

  26. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    2037 posts
    17 October 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Welcome back! Glad it was a great trip. I know it sucks to be back home and I think that is common when you are back from a good holiday and have to come back to reality. It has as you said only been one day, I think you need to settle back in at home and get back into a routine but looking for a new job may be a good thing too. If you are not comfortable where you are, you have to do what you can to change it. I do agree that first up is getting your health in line and I think doing that will influence other aspects of your life for the better as well.

    I have been keeping well, thank you for asking. Golf has been keeping me happy.

    My best,

    Jay

  27. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    18 October 2017 in reply to BballJ

    I think I agree. Every time you come back from a holiday it is always worse when you have to go back to reality. I think this time it just hit me really hard. I dont hate my job, I hate the company and I do not like the culture around it, which is in turn making me hate my job. I know it is affecting my stress and my health and the quicker I can be out of it the better. I am prepared to walk away tomorrow, the problem is walking away without any other job to fall back on. Unfortunately we all need money.

    I do agree with you though. I have made an appointment next monday to see someone regarding my health. Hopefully they can help. I want to start making smaller changes too such as not sitting on my phone just before bed time and so on. Need to clear out my room a bit and make it a little more comfortable and sleep friendly. Need to find a new job asap and start to work on getting my stress and anxiety under control.

    That is good to hear. How I wish I could just walk out of my job tomorrow and be on the golf course. The place we were staying at in Cape Town was on a golf estate. Had this amazing view of Table Mountain in the background from the lounge room. Just outside was the first the house was the first hole and Table Mountain in the background. I used to love sitting on the balcony watching people golf and looking at the view.

  28. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    18 October 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I understand and it is never wise to leave a job when you don't have another to fall back on, are you looking at new jobs at all, it can't hurt to start looking where if you leave, you have something to fall back on. If you don't mind me asking, what industry is it in?

    Awesome news that you are seeing someone on Monday, is it for mental health or physical health? De-cluttering is also a great way to feel at ease as well, I did it and it helped me a lot. I can't stand clutter.

    That sounds awesome with the golf, you didn't get time to play?

    My best,

    Jay

  29. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    18 October 2017 in reply to BballJ

    I work as a travel agent. I do have a degree in Journalism so ideally if I could find something in either of those fields that would be great. I know it makes sense to have something to fall back on, I am just not sure how much of this current job of mine I can continue to take.

    It is for my physical health. Hopefully they can find an answer to the problems I have been having that a lot of the doctors have not been able to answer. I really want to get rid of the clutter, but just dont have the motivation at the moment. Struggling big time with the jet lag (got about 3 hours sleep and now am wide awake), the stress, and mental exhaustion, and my physical health to find any motivation to do anything at the moment.

    No, unfortunately was too busy with the wedding to find any time for the course. Guess it gives me another reason to travel back to Cape Town again. That place is just too stunning. Oh how I wish I could travel often.

  30. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    BballJ avatar
    2037 posts
    19 October 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Well I know it is hard but sometimes just putting up with the current job for a little longer until you find something else you are more comfortable in, is the key.

    I know you do not have the motivation at the moment but hopefully once the jet lag wears off you will be able to conjure up some motivation to start doing the thing you want to do. You wish to travel often, why not start setting goals you want to achieve and have that as one of them. We all need to be aiming for something.

    What are plans for your weekend?

    My best,

    Jay

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