Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Long term support over the journey / I don't know what to do - a mess of a situation

Topic: I don't know what to do - a mess of a situation

  1. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    9 June 2020

    Hey

    I am so sorry for the late reply...I have just read your post..Aaron..I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad and so alone. I wont reply on your post and let some others come and chat to you but I wanted to come and give you my support and let you know that I am here for you.

    It is hard to move out on your own and it does take some time to get used to, especially when you have had the company of others, be it good or not so good. Would you consider having a house mate, putting out an add for a student or someone to rent one of the rooms? Does that sound like something that could work? or even a mate who is looking to move out also.

    I feel heartbroken for you as you have worked so hard for this and really wanted this and who knew this was how you were going to feel. I am sure it has caught you by surprise too.

    Maybe also scheduling some dinners at your place with some mates or even having some of your music friends over to jam and just fill the gap for a while.

    I don't want to make you post in many places so I will keep an eye on the thread that you have started.

    I am so sorry Aaron that this has suddenly crept up on you and was certainly not what was expected from your move in.

    I am also so sorry I didn't message back earlier and was not there for you.

    Hugs to you my friend

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    12 June 2020

    Hey Aaron

    I just wanted to stop in and see how you are and how you are feeling today? How have the past few days been? I am also wondering if you have perhaps got some plans for the weekend and maybe to have some friends over to help with the settling in period and to make the house more like home?

    I am so sorry this move has not gone how we thought it would and that it did throw you a curve ball with feeling so very alone and sad. I think as time does go by and you do spend some more time there and start to create some good times there it will start to ease. I hope more than anything that it is already feeling less overwhelming.

    Thinking of you Aaron and I hope that you are doing well.

    Huge hugs to you my friend

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  3. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    12 June 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Thank you so much for your message.

    I'm doing a bit better now than I was before. It was such a huge shock to the system. There's no denying the loneliness is hard to adjust to. I like your suggestions - particularly if I could find a good housemate or friend at some point - that would make this much easier (and likely more fun too).

    The first couple nights were spent more or less balling my eyes out... I really can't even properly identify specifically what was making me so sad. I guess it was a feeling of emptiness of sorts.

    The crazy thing though is that I'm only 10 minutes away from Mum's house. It's not like I moved to another country or something...

    It was really hard leaving a home that has memories from my entire life to somewhere that was totally devoid of feeling or personality. It never occurred to me how hard that would be.

    I'm working from home still (at Mum's house), so I commute there from the new house. That's made things a bit easier for now. I'm getting more used to it now - I've started unpacking a bit more and making the place feel more like a home.

    At this point in time I don't actually have a TV yet- so there's little to distract me. I hope to remedy that this weekend.

    I hope you are going well too Sarah - I really appreciate how supportive and patient you've been with me all this time. I've so very grateful.

    Aaron

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    14 June 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    I am so happy to hear that you are feeling somewhat more calm and that the initial pain of experiencing the separation from your family home have softened. It is hard, you have had your whole life in your family home and now you are not there, it doesn't matter if it is 10 hours away or as you say, 10 mins away, it is a whole new house you are living in. Also the fact that it probably does feel unsettled as well as you are unpacking and things are not set up and in place and it is not feeling homely just yet.

    I am glad that the idea of a house mate sounds like a good one, it could be fun and especially if you have things in common like music or even if they play an instrument too, that could be some really good times ahead. Just having another person in the house could really make the move easy as you will have some company and just another person around.

    Do you also think that the weather may play a part in it too? I know that when it is colder and you are inside more and the sun is not out so much that I feel a little more quieter and not sad but just not like I do in summer? We are not out BBQing or eating outside and enjoying that good outside vibe.

    This might sound crazy but I was thinking about some ways to make it feel like home and I am not sure what you think about this, what about some baking, to make the house smell all home like, getting in the kitchen and just using the oven and the stove and baking a cake or cookies, like you have made something with love from your kitchen. I am not sure if this sounds dumb but it is kind of like you are making friends with your house?????

    I am off to footy training now, it is freezing here and my daughter is going to be absolutely like ice but she is excited to be back training, even though it is not usual training, I have to sit in the car but I will have a coffee and the heater on at least..lol...

    Hugs to you my friend, I am always here for you, always and I am sorry that in our time between posts I was not there for you initially when you were feeling so down and upset.

    Have a great day and chat really soon

    Hugs

    Sarah xx

    1 person found this helpful
  5. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    24 June 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    So sorry for the tardy reply. It's been a hectic week and a bit.
    I'm feeling a bit better in the new house now. I think I'm starting to enjoy the positives of being there. It's nice to have privacy and the ability to set things up the way you want to.

    We've had torrential rain here in Hobart over the last couple days - the back yard has flooded a bit. Have to keep an eye on that... hopefully it won't be a problem. I think I'll have to get some drains put in!

    The weather has been particularly awful of late. I think moving house during this time of the year (basically dark all the time) in retrospect wasn't a great idea. I'm sure if it was sunny and warm I would've found it easier. I'm also not gigging really at all right now, so that would make things feel all the more isolated.

    I am certainly making friends with the house! We get along much better than before. I think I'm a bit like a cat. You know how they can get really funny about new spaces/environments? That's probably how I am.

    We had some bad news in the family - my younger brother has got into some trouble for drug related offences. I don't know any of the details but it's so disappointing. I suspected something was up. I wouldn't say I'm surprised, just really disappointed. I feel awful for my Mum. She doesn't seem too affected by it but I suspect she's putting on a brave face.

    My depression etc. has been a bit worse of late but I'm trying to manage that. I'm making an effort to wake up at the same time every day. Exercise isn't really an option at the moment- the weather has been terrible and most gyms are still shut. Not sure I'm willing to risk going to a gym just yet.

    How are you going where are you? I saw there's been a spike in Corona cases in Melbourne. Hope you're safe where you are. I hope things get back to normal soon.

    I have my first 'regular' public gig tonight since the lockdown. Not sure there'll be many people there but so grateful to be playing again in any case.

    Aaron

    xx

  6. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    25 June 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    It is great to hear from you and so great to hear that you are making friends with the house, it really does take time and I think you are onto something with the time of year too, the cold wintery weather really doesn't help if you are feeling a little down. Also as you said, it is a whole lot to get used to and while the privacy is great and putting what you like where you like it is new and it is solitary and the rain and the cold does not help. If it were sunny you might have BBQ's and friends over and just feel more positive in general.

    Also as you mentioned too, it is hard to do the things you normally would like your exercise and gigging with this whole COVID thing it really has upset the apple cart. You can probably see the COVID thread here and there are many people coming to chat who are really struggling through this time. We have gone backwards here in Melbourne and it has meant that people are panic buying again and there is no toilet paper and no pasta and it is just going a bit off the rails. My son has his 16th birthday tomorrow and we had to cancel his party so he is not impressed about that, however we will have a few dinners over the course of the weekend for him to celebrate. It is what is and we will have a party when all of this settles down.

    I am so sorry to hear that your brother has been charged with some drug offenses. I am sure that you are really worried about your mum and her feelings and at the same time pretty angry at him and that he is putting her through this. Seeing that your relationship with him is not that wonderful I am sure you are really angry which is understandable, I hope that your mum is ok and that the charges are not too severe, for your mum's sake. In saying that maybe it is a lesson he needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions.

    I am really pleased to hear that you are trying to be mindful of the things that help in managing the depression, getting up and getting dressed, some light exercise even if you can put some music on and dance around, that is something. It is hard at the moment and while I love a thunderstorm I am not too keen on the humidity..especially if you have a gig! Hope it went well and I am sure that they loved it!

    I have a huge night of cooking ahead to get ready for the weekend of dinners with 2 lasagna's to make and a 2 birthday cakes....I will be exhausted tomorrow!!!

    Have a look at my profile pic..I can grow veggies..look at me go!

    Chat soon my friend

    Hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  7. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    13 July 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Sorry for the slow reply! It's been crazy busy at work the last week or so.
    Things in the new house are going well. Loads to do but I'll get there eventually. I have the beginnings of a lawn on the front appearing - that's probably the closest thing to gardening I've done! I literally just threw grass seeds around. Haha!

    So to hear about your son's cancelled birthday party. That would be a disappointment for sure but it's the safest thing to do. How are things there for you now? It looks pretty scary what's happening there. Things here in Tassie seem mostly normal, but that could change at any moment really. I've been gigging again, 2-3 gigs a week. I'm so lucky, I'm likely the busiest guitar player here! Not sure how that happened really.

    I'm super disappointed about my brother, but it's not something I have control of. He really needs help I think. He doesn't get out of bed until late afternoon. There are serious mental health issues there I'm sure. It's not a way most people would choose to live.

    How was your weekend? I had a really nice Sunday - I went to a winery with an older couple that I met through the car shows. They have a beautiful '68 Mercedes roadster. I got to have a drive of it! It was such a thrill. Don't think I've had that much fun in a seriously long time!

    Your veggies look wonderful! Go you! That's brilliant. At some point I really want to start a veggie garden. I like the idea of being a bit more self-sufficient :-). Even just a herb garden to start with would be nice. Gardening is not my forte though!

    Hope you're doing okay over there ,

    big hugs!

    Aaron

  8. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Sorry for my late reply to you, I was actually sitting here typing when my phone rang, my mother passed away on Wednesday and I am still in shock to be honest. While I am totally devastated and just cannot believe she is not here I am happy she is in peace and not having to fight the demons of anxiety anymore. I am doing ok, although the pending anniversary of my brother's passing is coming up on the 31st so I was so worried about that, it all just seems a bit much.

    I am so happy to hear that you are feeling settled in your home and that you have even made some lawn, wow, that is impressive! As you know I am no gardener either so am very impressed at both my veggies and your lawn.

    It is so wonderful you are busy and are able to secure so many gigs a week for yourself and to keep the dollars coming in now you are a home owner as well as do something you love, that is really awesome! That sounds like so much fun too, driving around in the Merc and visiting the wineries and having a really wonderful day, I am so pleased for you that things are really starting to come together for you, it is so wonderful and you have worked so hard.

    It is sad to hear about your brother and I am wondering one day if he will decide to reach out and get some help for himself. It is so sad when you see that there is help available and that some just don't want it. You really cannot make anyone get the help that we think they need, some just feel that they don't need it, so what can we do about that?

    I have to say though that in the past few days since my mother has passed my brother has become a totally different person, I only wish he could have done this when she was alive and so many things may have been different. Ahhh hindsight!

    Hugs to you Aaron

    Sarah xx

    1 person found this helpful
  9. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    3 August 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I am so sorry for the slow reply!

    I don't even know what to say- I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Plus your brother's anniversary - that's too much to cope with. I think most people would find that too much. I lost two grandparents within months of each-other, it's not the same as what happened to you, but it was so hard saying goodbye when we were still grieving from before.

    The house is still going well - gardening is definitely not my forte - I don't like gardening at all! On the bright side, wallabies etc. are keeping the lawn short so I don't have to mow it. Brilliant!

    Gigs are still happening although we are all pretty cautious at the moment... I am pretty sure Tassie will get a second wave eventually so enjoying everything while it lasts. Unfortunately my old Merc has developed some sort of misfire so no cruising until I fix that. Otherwise have been unpacking things in the house - doing lots of running too. I did a 20 km run with a 63 year old work friend on Saturday. He's much fitter than me, but it was really fun. Pretty tired still from it though!

    I agree re my brother. If he doesn't want to get help or doesn't think he needs it, there's little I can do. I think I'm going to save myself a lot of stress by stepping away from all of that. We all make our own choices, he'll just have to live with his.

    That's interesting with your brother, I'm glad he's changed his ways. I suspect it'll take something huge to get my brother to change. It's always a shame though that it took so long to happen.

    I've been reading all the news re. Victoria - I hope you're okay over there. It sounds so scary! Are you able to still work from home? I feel sorry for all those people in nursing homes, it must be so scary for them.

    Aaron

    xx

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    17 August 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Thank you for your support, it really has been a hard 12 months and I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be saying good bye to my brother and my mother within the same 12 months...however, i am learning what good things have come from my brother's death and I try to be grateful for the time that I did have. Same with my mother, while she struggled so badly with anxiety and depression, she is free now and while I would love to have her back and with me, I am so happy she is not suffering these demons anymore. It still does feel so surreal in that I think "oh I will just call mum"...and then I realize I cannot.

    It is so great to hear that you are settling in to your house and that you are making a home for you, that is so exciting and I am so pleased for you. I am no gardener either so the idea of some wallabies to eat the lawn is perfect! I can kill a plastic plant and that is not even exaggerating...I am hopeless..however I am growing these veggies so there is hope for me yet!

    That is awesome that you are still out and still able to get out, to do gigs and to have a beer and to socialize and to play your music..I am very jealous! Although I am sure that this all has to come to an end soon enough and this virus will be maintained and we can get on with life, just trying to do one day at a time and remain positive and not focus on the cant's but on the good things isolation brings...

    OH NO..the Merc is not well! I hope you have had it seen to as I know how much joy that car brings you, hopefully it is something easy and cheap!

    Well done on your run, that is so wonderful. I wanted to ask you how you are feeling V's when we first started chatting and maybe some of the things that you have learnt about yourself, that you have developed and that you have grown into?

    I really cannot believe the change in my brother since my mum is no longer there, I feel like he is ..well free. I know that sounds really mean but he did do every thing for my mother and I can see how sometimes she would say things about him that I find out now are not true, it was like she liked the feud between us??? I think it may have been her way of keeping people away to be honest.

    I hope in time your brother can turn his life around too, I wonder if my brother is regretting the years that have passed that he did not engage with? I think he can see a whole new world and wouldn't it be great for your brother too..

    Hugs as always Aaron

    Sarah xx

    1 person found this helpful
  11. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    31 August 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I can only imagine how you're feeling. That is so much loss to deal with in such a short period of time. I can relate to that feeling where you want to call the person but suddenly realise you can't. There were so many times, particularly on weekends where I'd think to myself "I'm going to go and visit Opi (my grandfather)" and then suddenly realise that I can't. For quite a while it was like I would have to feel all that grief all over again. It's hard to see the positives in these situations. So sorry to hear your Mum was battling with depression and anxiety. There is relief knowing they don't have to suffer any more. Alzheimers was starting to grip my grandfather, I'm glad I didn't have to see him fade from that.

    Still zero gardening done... it's definitely not one of my talents. We've had a lot of rain in Hobart of late, my backyard was all muddy and sludgy. If I walk on it, I'll sink into the mud! Not fun at all.

    I played at a jazz festival yesterday, had four gigs in one day. Super busy but the money comes in handy. We still have restrictions on how many people can come to a venue and people still can't dance. It was strange playing to seated audiences. In a strange way I found the isolation period we had here was good for me - I spent a lot more time with family and focused on things that were near and dear... less pre-occupied with unimportant distractions. I also did a lot more exercise oddly enough.

    The way I feel now vs. the start of us chatting is like night and day. I still have bad days where my depression kick in but generally I am doing really well. I'm making an effort to spend time with friends and family as well as enjoy my own hobbies and interests. I'm so grateful for all you support and patients to listen to my rambling. It's helped me to no end!

    Re. siblings - I too hope my brother can turn things around. I worry he's on a downhill spiral. My mum seems to be denial about the whole situation.

    Sending you big hugs Sarah

    Aaron

    xx

  12. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    14 September 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    I am so happy to hear that I have a partner in the "no thanks to gardening" club..lol..I am so shocked my veggies are actually growing and have things that look like veggies on them....I am NO gardener that is for sure! I am thinking that idea of full concrete at your place might be a really great one for me too..lol

    That is so wonderful you are playing at Jazz festivals, or that you are even having them and can go to them! I would love that more than anything right now, to be able to sit outside in a park with some wine and listen to some Jazz...ok I guess I could sit in a park with some wine...but only before cerfew!

    I cannot tell you how happy I was to read that you are feeling like night and day compared to when we first started chatting, that is so awesome to hear. I hope you can really see now the growth and the courage and the strength that you showed in those times and can celebrate how far you have come and the hard work you did to get here....to happiness. Depression is a mean old beast and I am just glad that you can see when it is lurking and you can acknowledge and can manage it, and know it does not last and that it will go.

    It has been my absolute pleasure to be on this journey with you Aaron and you have helped me so much too, I think that is the joy and the beauty of these forums, it is just real and humble and people reaching out and caring for others. I am so happy you can spend time with your family and with your friends, I really can't wait til I can do that too, you see how important it is when it is taken away from you.

    I have been doing some fun stuff that I never would have done I suppose so I thank the time at home for that..I made some Kumquat and Cointreau marmalade from the fruit that is hanging over my fence..it is surprisingly amazing and sooo yum! Also my paintings and just hanging out with the kids...so I have to take those wins too.

    With the weather starting to improve that makes for happy feelings too so I am grateful to breath in the spring air...

    Hugs to you Aaron and I am so happy to hear that you are doing well.

    Sarah xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  13. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    29 September 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Congratulations on your veggies! that's fantastic. I really would like to grow vegetables but I have wallabies and possums that will eat everything! Even planting normal things is near impossible because they eat everything. On the bright side, they're incredibly cute and mean I never have to mow the grass.

    Unfortunately over the last week my depression/anxiety has taken a rather sharp turn for the worst. It was started when I bumped into my first girlfriend last week - we broke up 5 years ago or so now. We were together since we were only 18 or so. She was keen on getting married/kids etc. I wasn't ready for that... I was only 22/23 at the time.

    She's just got married. She showed me the wedding photos etc. on her phone. She looked so beautiful. I'm so happy things worked out for her so well but it made me feel so empty and sad with how my own situation is. The sad thing is that if I knew what I know now, I would have definitely stayed with her. Marriage/kids isn't something I'm scared of any more. It was like seeing an alternate reality that I could've enjoyed had I not left her. It was tremendously painful, but I still felt happy for her. I still love her very much even though we're not together, that never changed.

    I think it was a very rude wake-up call, I realised how very lonely I am. I do so many things to distract myself from it but after that conversation I felt completely dead and empty inside. In fact I still am feeling very much that way now. At the same time, I'm terrified of initiating anything with anyone... not that there's really anyone that initiate anything with! With all the trauma from before I'm too... damaged? to start over just yet.

    Last night I spent some time with my best friend, he's real clown with a hilarious sense of humour. That helped me lots. Been talking on the phone to my Mum lots too.. she's been really helpful too.

    It's scary when I notice the depression get worse though, it's very insidious in that you feel a bit 'off' but before you know it you've entered a very dark/scary place. It happens very slowly yet quickly at the same time. :(

    Hope you are going well Sarah

    Sorry for the slightly depressing tone at the moment, hoping things get better soon

    Aaron

    xxx

  14. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    28 October 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    I hope that you are still on the forum and get to read this ever so tardy reply to you.

    I also hope that your depression has improved and that you are feeling better than when you wrote last month? It is hard to see our past presented to us in a way that we have doubts, question ourselves, have regrets. What we do have to remember is what the situation was at that time and not what the situation is at this time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, so is time and as you say, you were not ready for marriage and a family at the time she was. It was the right thing to do at that time, to let her go and for her to move on with her life, and you yours. It is hard when she is doing what now you are ready for and what you are seeking, but you have been through a massive growth time and you have learnt so many things, that given you stayed with her, you may not have been able to learn, and grow and experience. Sure, some of them are so hard to learn and were very painful and put you into a very deep dark place and had you focusing on your metal health......however...that is never a bad thing..

    It is a wonderful thing that you do know that marriage and kids is not something you are afraid of anymore and something that you are ready for, in time. We all have some scars I think from previous relationships Aaron and I just hope for you that you can see them as growth marks and not see them as damage, or that you are too damaged. From what I have been privileged to know about you is how caring you are, how genuine you are and how kind and thoughtful you are.

    Times are not the usual now and yes, it is a little tricky to meet someone new in times of isolation and when we are not going out as much, even though things in Tassie are somewhat relaxed I think we are still not going out as we did before.

    I just hope this message find you well and happy, as you deserve that some much.

    I am pretty good, I have been doing some intense therapy myself and have found it to be just what I have needed. I have some of my wounds healing which is a great place to be.

    Also happy that today is day one for the easing of restrictions for us in Victoria so that is something to smile about too.

    How are things going with your home? Those little wallabies sound adorable, and yay for not mowing..I can't stand that job....lol

    Huge hugs to you as always and look forward to hearing from you.

    Sarah xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  15. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah!

    I'm still here!

    I'm doing better now. Part of what made things spiral out of control so badly was that I tapered my dose of my AD medication a little too fast. It cause my depression to really spiral out of control. Hindsight is a blessing and a cure for sure. As unpleasant that couple weeks of feeling horrible was, it was certainly a wake up call. I have a terrible habit of burying myself in the past, I realise now I have to stop doing that. I'll never be able to move forwards if I'm constantly wanting to go backwards.

    I'm trying hard top stay positive now and try and keep myself occupied. I realise at some stage I'll want to meet someone new but I'm in no way ready yet. I'm very lonely, but with all the problems I had before I'm a little scared off from relationships in general. It's going to take quite a bit of time (and the right person) for that to change.

    I'm so glad to hear your wounds are healing. That must be such a good feeling. You've been through so much. It's so good to hear you are doing okay.I haven't seen my counsellor for a long time now but I think I'll tee up an appointment in the next couple of weeks.

    The house is going well - I've done a bit of gardening (I know, shock horror!) and planted some lavender plants. Unfortunately the cute wallabies saw fit to snack on one of the plants so it's looking a bit dishevelled now! I also had to mow the lawns... the wallabies have been a bit slack! We've had lots of rain and sunshine so everything is growing out of control.

    Hooray for the restrictions being lifted! We've just opened our borders here in Tas. It'll be nice to start seeing things get back to normal. Fingers crossed we won't cop a second wave but only time will tell .

    Aaron

    xxx

  16. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Great to hear from you and even better to hear that you are able to pin point what the issues where that caused you to go into that mental health decline...what a relief that you are able to adjust the medication accordingly to get a better outcome.

    It is really hard not to look back, to compare and to have regrets. I think as humans that is really how we base the future on what experiences have taken place in the past, and this as we know is not true and does not have to be true. We can make different choices and learn from the past, use the experience as a lesson, but try to look forward, to create wonder and to consider a different path or a different choice and therefore a different outcome.

    The therapy I have been doing has really reminded me of what I do know already and to have to rehear some of those things, but also to confront some really big issues that have surfaced from my childhood and make peace with them also. It has not been easy, some sessions have been very emotional to the point my tshirt was wet from crying!! However I feel so much lighter, I feel a real sense of healing and a real sense of peace. One thing also I want to say to you is that it is great that you are going to get some time with your counsellor, we should not wait for things to hit rock bottom before we have a chat and take an appointment to get things right. That is so great to hear you are going to make some time to get things in order for you.

    Look at you getting into the garden, that is awesome and lavender is one of my all time favorite fragrences..it is so calming and the flowers are so pretty and sweet...you just have to figure out how you keep those pesky wallabies away! My veggies have all finished now and I have to think about what the next lot is I will do, I can't manage too many at a time..lol

    The sun is out today, the shops are open, people are out so we are feeling somewhat back to some kind of normal here in Melbourne...I went to the supermarket last night and it is right next door to Kmart...it was flat out...people are just craving the experience of shopping I think!

    It is Melbourne Cup weekend here this weekend, usually a weekend for people to get away or do something..not this time so that is a bit of a shame, but I am catching up with some friends for coffee and a walk so that will be awesome.

    So happy to hear you are in a better place Aaron, ahh mental health....what a journey hey!

    Look forward to chatting some more.

    Sarah xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  17. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    3 November 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    A huge relief - it's crazy how much better I felt but upping my dose by just the tiniest amount. I was a bit over-confident with my tapering, I reduced the dose but just that little bit too much.

    That is so true re. looking back at the past. The other thing is I think I see it through rose coloured glasses... I seem to only remember the happy times and not much else. I forget that there were reasons why I made certain choices.

    Sounds like that therapy really helped. It's good to get all that emotion out every once in a while. I find I tend to keep things inside for too long, if I just let whatever it is out, it would be so much better! I'm doing pretty well right now. I've banned myself from social media and I feel so much better for it. I think the information overload from all that stuff can really be bad for mental health. I'm pretending it's 2005 again... no smartphone... no youtube etc.!

    I'm so glad things are better in Melbourne now! That would have been such a hard time. We had a very short lockdown period here in Hobart, but it wasn't anywhere near as severe as what Melbourne went through. It's amazing how much we appreciate little things like going to shops, having a meal at a cafe etc.

    I've put some garden stakes and plastic bag things around my plants to prevent further wallaby destruction! Once you get started gardening it seems it never ends... always something to do. I am enjoying making the house look nicer though. It looked a bit sad before, it's starting to look happier.

    Another fun thing that happened recently is I 'rescued' another old Mercedes. It needs loads of work but it'll be a fun project. The plan is it'll eventually be my every day car. I think having a project like that will be really good for my mental health (not so good for the wallet maybe) - it'll keep me looking ahead (not behind).

    I hope you're having a good day today. Melbourne Cup day today. I didn't place any bets.. I feel too bad for the horses... and I never win anyway. It's nearly 30 degrees here today... a bit warm for me but it's so nice to see people out and about enjoying themselves.

    Aaron

    xxx

  18. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    21 December 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Hope that this message finds you well and that you are fully prepared for Christmas on Friday...can you actually believe it??? I am sort of ready with a few gifts left to buy, but it is really hard to buy for a 16 year old boy I am finding..sigh. I have lunch at my grandmothers and my dad is supposed to be coming over from Cooma but with the borders in question who knows if he will make it or not. I am also supposed to be taking the kids camping to the Snowy River but who knows if I will be able to go do that...which will be very disappointing as I could really use the time away to just camp and have some quiet time in nature.

    Hope you have some plans for Christmas or are at least taking a small break.

    If I dont speak to you before hand, have a very Merry Christmas Aaron and a wonderful New Year, next year is going to be wonderful and full of new opportunities and new goals and memories.

    Hugs as always

    Sarah xxxx

    I am so happy to read that you are feeling better and that managing your dose really has made a huge difference for you, I hope that you are still doing really well now and that you have all that under control.

    The hypnotherapy helped so much and I really cannot explain how much better I feel, I have been able to deal with old stuff, new stuff and stuff I did not even recognize was effecting me. I feel like a whole refreshed person with a new set of eyes, it is such a blessing.

    Social media has it's place but there is also the overload of it too, when you feel like you need to pick up the phone and check Facebook or Instagram, like you are missing something or you are getting left out or left behind, it is not good. I hate that this is the way we communicate now and really miss the old days of a letter and the phone at home just ringing when someone wanted something. Also just knowing your friends where meeting you at 12pm at the shops and if they were not there something happened or they were late but there was nothing more to it.

    That is great that you "rescued" another merc, I love that you have used the term "rescued"...reduces the guilt of "buying" another car..lol. How is that one going and have you started the big project of getting it all up and making her look beautiful again?

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up