Thank you for your input and help. I appreciate it.
It's been a rough week or so.
I think in the darker moments I forget the real truths - that people care. They do. It just doesn't FEEL that way. When your perception is mucked up by depression and anxiety it has the ability to screw with your sense of reality. I've always known this, but then again it's different to know something and feel it.
It may sound trivial but the reality is that I need to continue living my life. I am doing this anyway, but it just feels like I'm on autopilot. The registrar nurse lady person (whatever they are) who spoke to me yesterday made the point that it's not all over yet. I'm only 23 and have so much more to live for and look forward to. This is true as day. It just doesn't FEEL like it. (Feelings again right?)
She suggested that I just go and do stuff, be involved and soak it all up. Tbh I kinda found that unhelpful because I want to do all that but I can't due to the nerves, angst, self hate, self esteem problems... But it's a process. A step by step process. I've never been able to swim in the deep end and when I've tried it's been met with failure.
But I think now I'm getting better I can start doing this. So, tomorrow I see my psych (Who will be informed about my hospital visit yesterday) and I want to talk to him about how I can set up my goals to ENSURE that I actually do them. I know for a fact that I'm on the right path atm but I just want to make sure I don't get lazy, unmotivated or overly anxious.
I have a skype interview today for a job i found on the uni website (teaching english as a second language to young korean students). I wrote up a letter and sent my resume (that's easy for me to do). I always need to remember how my interview skills are actually good. That I can master that stuff easily. This goes to what the lady said yesterday - that perceptions and thoughts are not going to be accurate when it comes to anxiety and depression. There will be bad days indeed.
I've also finalised the funrun stuff. Just need to post it on my facebook and hopefully people throw some money at it haha.
So while it may still FEEL bad, things are certainly improving. This is where patience plays a role.
Off to the gym later today with a friend. Then I might do the same tomorrow.I have some good friends around me too which I need to remember :)
Thanks for sticking by me though guys. It's really helpful.