Sorry Sophie & Jojo,
It's just another night of sitting here wanting to cry.
Jojo, it was my mum doing the guilt trip and then my partner got home and was also upset with me as I was unwell again and frustrated I didn't feel up to cooking. I ended up cooking and everything, kept nearly fainting.
I'm so tired all the time, yet I'm not really sleeping because of the pain.
Jojo, I went to a specialist on Wednesday (3.5 hours away), and she is unwilling to confirm fibro - but she believes there is some there just need to rule out other issues. We don't know if it is gallbladder, she mentioned a whole lot of conditions it could be, but said my gastrologist should have been dealing with this. She was annoyed as both he and my psychiatrist, in her opinion, are being negligent. She plans to send them a very stern email, which scares me because what the hell is going to be the consequences of that? She simply stated that my care has not been good enough and I guess is trying to help, but it is going to cause issues.
there is just so much going on and I can't deal with any of it anymore. I tried to eat dinner before, the roast I cooked, and could barely eat any of the meat and then threw up what I did eat after feeling sick for ages. I'm just so over all this. I was in tears as I would have just liked to have sat down and simply been able to eat a meal.
I'm sorry. everything is just yeah. I probably don't even make any sense.
Ontop of all this crap my mood is simply not stable and I am frustrated as I know what needs to happen with my meds but nothing is happening because I can't till psychiatrist clears it, but he keeps cancelling appointments. It's just grrr....
I know I'm so suicidal again. Just no idea who to turn to again. CAT team are useless, everyone will just refer to them - honestly what is the point. The only reason I ended up in hospital last 2 times is because I tried to kill myself. I can't convey how annoyed I am that I failed. I know this is warped thinking as I should be grateful and have a new lease on life, but that just isn't so at the moment.