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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Surviving: Being in a better place

Topic: Surviving: Being in a better place

  1. demonblaster
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    28 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    6th day no contact Rock.

    Not to hassle you just observation and extreme concern.

    Really like what Peps said about omnipresence (she explained and I just looked it up too) yeah it's comforting knowing and feeling you around keeping an eye on us.

    I so wish I could do something apart from being here for you Rocks, you said you're at peace.
    It's not good is it.

    Same I'm seeing helpful thumbs up, think it could be you.

    Love & missing you. So hope you're not suffering
    You'll NEVER be alone
    ((( Whopping soul hugs ))) . Holding hands
    soooo many thoughts. Sad Rock. Tears



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  2. startingnew
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    28 October 2017
    My post i wrote earlier today is up now DB ❤
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  3. demonblaster
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    28 October 2017 in reply to startingnew

    That was a real heart post thankyou Starts and the butterfly yeah loven it thx hun, do see them a bit here, back home soonish.

    A lot of emotion's come out here, so peaceful, hard cries for lot of reasons, RockStar, being alone, needing love, rejection, being around love and more good people, lucky have a lot of like/love but the beast pulls ya away at times aye. Unravelling more, good it's coming out. Crying's a good thing, God knows done enough in this life but untold happies too

    Change is happening, coming to terms with it. It's stimulating, don't know what's ahead but it's goin on. Maybe moving yet love where I am, lot of friends family close by & around but you don't see them all time. Feel like I'm moving on further, not great cause feel like I'm leaving my beautiful behind, like I've left him where he left but it really is that way though, as he said just gotta keep going. Bloody hard but it's still adjusting. Ok though, over the worst but it hits at times really hard. It's a process grieving.

    Feels like this trip a lot of the past 4ish yrs have come out which is good, been a rocky road but hacked well overall and some really frightening places the head goes which is so usual with BP but when there's other shit going on that's heavy as we know how it goes but time takes us through everything. Good times, many amongst, lot of learning.

    Just feeling today, not great, not overly blaghhh and will be ok.



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  4. chrissy1
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    28 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi db

    wow you are incredible with ur work situation. It's so good u can do all those things and also have mental Illness. I hope u don't take too much on board.

    i was wondering do they sometimes not publish ur thread? One I posted never got published.

    hopefully all is going well with u.

    chrissy1 Lol

    l

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  5. demonblaster
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    28 October 2017 in reply to chrissy1
    Hey sweet you might be thinking of Starts (startingnew) with work, I'm not working :) all good hun.

    Working through it all though

    If you check your emails if we've gone against rules they let us know why it hasn't gone through could be the case

    Yeah goin ok thx how bout you
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  6. startingnew
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    28 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Well my butterflies will always be looking out for you but ive sent a special one so I can keep an eye on you too at a more personal level. Theres only 3 members who have my butterflies and will extend them to Starwolf too when I see her around again as im not sure if shes reading here or not.


    I can hear you have a lot of emotions swirling around. Do you want to address them indivdually to help you get hrough them or would you rather not? Its totally up to you though.


    Dont feel pressured into moving either, you can decide whats best for you but sometimes a change is good but dont isolate yourself from those who you love and who love you which I can tell you have those people in your life.
    Grief is an untimely process DB, each phase of your life you will feel like your leaving him behind. Dont deny those feelings though otherwise youll shove them down and then get that dreadful guilty feeling. Let yourself process it as hard as it is.


    If it help you can talk about him here, tell all the funny, embarrassing, romatic and anything else you would like to talk about. Sometimes its too hard to do that though so I understand if you dont want to.


    Life is full of learning, I dont think we ever stop learning and I know for me I cant help myself, Ive completed 6 courses in the past 2 yrs. I always sign up in a good headspace but I wont be doing anymore after this one (says me the past 3 times ive said that) but ive realsied its just too much atm and I need to focus on my mh first. Im afraid the thing that gives and thats me because I had plans come into my head earlier today. Often an indicator I need hospital but I cant go there. Enough about me.. back to you. What about telling me about your career? Im sure it was you who said nursing yeah? Want to tell me what it was like? Some stories that are allowed?

    soul hugs DB xoxoxoxo

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  7. Mathy
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    28 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB,

    Thought I’d give you a personal sparrow update .......

    Nada, nothing, she’s taking him for a ride with the food 😡

    Mind you, he’s not crying as much, so maybe this is how sparrow courtship goes? After all, it’s a lifetime commitment, gotta be careful. Or, what would I know, could be multiple females, can’t tell them apart 😂

    Sending good thoughts in your direction, cheers M :)

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  8. demonblaster
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    28 October 2017 in reply to Mathy
    lol can' t tell ya how much I love your sparrow story :D (Y) :D (Y)

    Told ya, she's after his money, GOLD DIGGER!!!! ...ummmmm scuse me...... any chocolate there

    Bit honored having a personal sparrow saga catch up there hun, there's a big cheers mwah

    Goin back home soon, head's in change mode, needed this time biggly, few things but manageable just need thinking and rational thought about.
    Head's trying to pull me down but hacking, it's different, changes are happening, I'm gettin there, gettin through depression Maths, how are you going?
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  9. demonblaster
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    28 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    There's empty places here RockStar

    Really really missing you

    I really hope you're getting help that you so deserve

    I've told you before, when I see a post from you and that so classy dog (wolf?) pic I'm so happy to see what you've said.

    Some lovely people are coming here which is really nice.
    I sooo hope you get back Rock
    Love xx
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  10. startingnew
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    29 October 2017
    My post is up from yesterday DB
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  11. demonblaster
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    29 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    Here Rocks, thinking often xx
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  12. demonblaster
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    29 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    You're a very sweet loving caring person Starts thanks honey (( xx ))

    Yeah there's a bloke here that I'd met before and liked a couple of things, put myself out there but not interested, although rejections hard I realised I just soo want someone to love and love me as we all do, my late darling, we had a very strong good love. Got a REALLY good hug from this guy but not interested.

    Seems a lot of the past 4 ish yrs has oozed out at times here, pain, crying, moods, not shitty just down at times but then I have changed the pattern lately of BP downs so could be that going for me.
    Had a couple of moments today and do anyway, memories of my darling, yeah grieving continues and is easier but this head change stuff is really making me feel like I'm leaving him and hating that.

    Going back home tomoz, had such a good time here, dog/house sat and lot of time with bro/sil they've really as they do looked out for me and we've had good times. Alone time again, have to make more effort seeing friends although do at times.

    Yeah that'll do hun, pretty all over shop atm & lately but getting through it all which is the biggy.

    Still holding some hope for fella but probs not although some interest I think but reasons

    Thanks so much darlin, very caring and appreciated.

    Rock I hope you're still listening, I know you said before you were.
    In my thoughts so often. xxxxx

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  13. Mathy
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    29 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB,

    Not sure where we relate as far as age goes lol. It’s taken me a while, but I’m finally in a place where I’m happy as a single. I’ve kind of always thought that achieveing this place, was the best place to start to contemplate being a part of a couple again - I’m not 100% sure that this makes sense :) Gotta love yourself before you love others, I reckon.

    Sparrow Update

    Well, my lad had a gay day today, he’s hung around with a boy sparrow most of the day that I’ve been home. I’m thinking “whatever”, I’m gay, no probs with that. Then, towards dusk, the lady flies in. I’m totally confuzzled about the behaviour, one thing I do know - if they all keep eating away at the “superior food”, there all going to become very fat and slow - fortunately, there are no cats.

    Here’s to a great start to the week, hugs M :)

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  14. Peppermintbach
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    30 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    Your love and light oozes from your writing, such a passionate and compassionate soul :)

    I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to lose the love of your love. You really had something very special together.

    It really is quite a turbulent time for you...so many emotions swirling. I’m sad to hear that this other guy isn’t interested. Romantic relationships or otherwise, your need to give and receive love and companionship comes across...

    So I’m particularly glad that spending time with your brother/sil helped lift your spirits a little. Hopefully you get to see your friends more often...

    (((soul)))

    Pepper xoxo

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  15. demonblaster
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    30 October 2017 in reply to Mathy
    You two lovelies have totally made my day, got couple things to sort soon, back home today. Been lovely trip.

    Thankyou guys, Will be back mwah's both & ((( soul )))

    ROCK-STAR mwah's for you too
    You maybe in hospital.
    God I hope you're ok, as ok as you can be that is, something's very wrong aye
    So many thoughts
    ((( Soul )))
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  16. demonblaster
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    30 October 2017 in reply to Mathy
    Yeah I get where you're coming from Mathy and loving ourselves is very important for mental well being, we spend every milli sec with ourselves so easier to like/love ourselves we've got us to rely on company all the time.
    Good for you, I'm starting to like/love myself more, taken yrs and how people/friends/family were with the loss of my darling I realised more so just how much love I have in my/our lives and helps no end boost confidence in yourself aye

    I'm older but not old yet

    Haha read back what I was saying about the bloke, I think there was/is some interest but not if that makes sense. Dont' wanna say too much but know probs why. Fair enough, good reason.

    Ahaaa Gay sparrow aye lol, hey could be Bi, since they had that bit of a parteeeee the three of them.
    Massive smile and laugh reading that thanks Mathy just love it. Such a nice touch.

    Good to hear from you thanks for dropping by
    Hope you're doing ok?
    You have a great day & start to week too :)
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  17. demonblaster
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    30 October 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    I think you're very compassionate and passionate too hun

    Always happy to hear from you, thanks for your time and care

    Hoping you're battling the good fight hun and winning?
    I know things have been rough for you for a while now aye, you feeling any brighter?

    I do mean this, thankyou so much for your kindness and compassion, sometimes when I'm struggling I wanna find you and have a ((( soul ))) .

    Take good care darlin
    thankyou too xx

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  18. startingnew
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    30 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    Hey my special DB
    im sorry things arent working out with the other bloke, I hope someone does connect with you once again. You really deserve love and compassion and a good life.
    Its hard loosing your best friend isnt it, even though I didnt loose a partner I lost my nan and we were extremely close and when people come along in the family and others call them nan I cant because it feels like im replacing her too so I understand. Im sure your darling would want you to be happy though and wouldnt want you to lead a loveless life-as in relationship wise. And I say relationship as it might be a woman who comes along.




    Im glad you had a good time while you were away, might be a good motivator to keep that feeling running by seeing friends and maybe going to social outings in an interest group maybe..


    hopefully your emotios-as to be expected the way they are- soon settle once again and feeling alittle less bleh hey.


    Hugs and love and making sure my butterflies are still with you so I can keep an eye on you too
    and I do care, very much for you DB. Your family to me xoxo
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  19. Peppermintbach
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    30 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    Your warm post made me smile. Thank you...

    I guess cyber soul hugs are the next best thing so we will just have to make do. Thanks for the soul hugs and returning many your way :)

    You’re very caring to ask. I’m taking things day by day. In the offline realm, I’m saving my energy and words for when it really “counts.” That works best for me at the moment.

    I have been re-engaging with things that I find healing and comforting. The arts in all its guises is at the forefront.

    Sending kindness,

    Pepper xoxo

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  20. demonblaster
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    31 October 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Youre both beautiful thankyous for your care & support. Back at chaz

    Will bbl back home last night had bbq today was really good as was time away bro/sil looked after me well the darlings

    Starwolf god im missing you so much.I really hope youre being looked after

    Care so much bout you ( all )

    Be ok Rock (( soul )) please

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  21. startingnew
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    31 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    hugs DB xoxoxox

    im glad they took care of you and that your still out socialising. proud of you for keeping up your own physical and mental wellbeing xxoxoxo

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  22. Peppermintbach
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    1 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    Thank you :)

    I’m glad you had a good day yesterday. Your brother sounds like he is such wonderful support.

    Soul hugs from me to you especially as I know you’re very worried about Starwolf.

    Pepper xoxo

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  23. demonblaster
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    1 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Thx dear Starts yeah was good. Didnt go tt (t.tennis) tonight feel bit guilty inrun it havent been a lot since darling passed & lately but it stil goes on

    Thankyou Peps beautiful soul too yeah i really am so worried about her darlin stuff she said isnt sounding good

    Missing & thinking so often bout you Starwolf ROCK dear friend

    God i hope you're ok dear good lady

    Thanks for being so caring Peps & Starts soz not round much atm bit all over shop atm

    Do honestly care lot bout yaz all here 😘

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  24. startingnew
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    hugs and hugs DB xoxox
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  25. demonblaster
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    2 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    plenty people worse but bodies achy in parts not sure if necks gunna give grief again

    Been sleeping lot lately bit of ? Chest & aches time will tell

    Stawolf (RockStar) God wish i knew where youre at. So worried about you. Know you said dont be & you're at peace which is awesome but REALLY missing you. Tears. You matter good lady.

    Youve taught me stood by me supported sound advice enjoy your conversation & made such a difference to many.So much more

    Thankyou for everything. Thinking bout you so often. Crying

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  26. Peppermintbach
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    2 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Super hearted DB,

    Please don’t apologise. There’s no need to say sorry. We know you care and that you have a lot happening...

    A big, warm soul hug from me to you. I know you’re missing Starwolf immensely and that you’re extremely worried about her.

    I heard this new release song that instantly made me think of Starwolf (in a very comforting way). I don’t interpret the song too literally but some of the lines about running through jungles and crying with wolves reminded me of her wonderful work rehabilitating traumatised dogs in remote areas.

    Also...

    I've been down the darkest alleys
    Saw the dark side of the moon

    - “Wolves”, Selena Gomez & Marshmellow

    But the above lyrics even more so...you don’t need me to tell you that Starwolf is a wise soul who has seen a lot, and more importantly, learnt a lot. Personally, even though I’ve very rarely interacted with her on these forums, she is one of my most respected BB members/Champions.

    Anyway, I hope this song brings you some small comfort.

    Kind thoughts,

    Pepper xoxo

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  27. demonblaster
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    2 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    I'll say it again Peps you're soo compassionate understanding kind & supportive Im soo glad we've met. Thankyou so much for being here & completely agree & i have lot of respect for champions too, star well you said it shes so wise & i wanna learn to express how she & some others do so well.

    Peps its not knowing, she said back here she didnt expect to make it this far (tearing up again, thanks holding tight to soul hug)

    Peps i reckon im close to beating depression but god it fights. Ok just a bit lost atm.

    Dunno where im headed or what im meant to be doing.

    Crying but thats ok its an out

    R u ok?

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  28. demonblaster
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    2 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Soz hun yeah thats amazing loven those words too.

    So her aye

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  29. startingnew
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    2 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    Peps has pretty much perfectly worded it DB.
    Star means a lot to me too, she has been with me from the start just as she has for you so ive been one of the lucky ones to have been 'touched' by her words as well.
    I can tell your feeling distressed DB, take a few deep breathes for me.
    Count them ….1.......2........3........ keep going if you need. We arent going anywhere.
    What self care have you been doing for yourself?
    The champs here are yes very good and ive had the pleasure of 'meeting' a few.


    I hope you will beat depression DB, youve good the good there too hey. Yes you do.


    How about finding something you like to do and taking it up as an interest group in your area?
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  30. demonblaster
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    2 November 2017 in reply to startingnew

    Lovely post as well thx dear Starts, yous rock

    Yeah im ok darl thx do have moments & hurting bout Star anyone that knows her would feel same, shes highly respected here ive seen how many likes (helpfuls) when she posts. So wise & speaks so nicely. Damn it Rock whats happening hun xx

    I started up & organise tt (ttable tennis) where i live not that ive been there much for while & volunteer with special needs with tt too. Beautiful guys love em.

    Just part of the crap we've gotta work out darl

    Thanks sweety girls 😙

    Really grateful for support from everyone that drops by xx

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