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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Surviving: Being in a better place

Topic: Surviving: Being in a better place

  1. demonblaster
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    23 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    Status:

    Not too far off fully catching up but more sleep needed.

    Feel emotional today, could cry easily but not really wanting to around family but might if I do a walk later.

    Actually might go outside & shed a few, jeesh can't even decide that for...lol
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  2. startingnew
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    23 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    its understandbale youd be abit emotional my special lady, you more than enititled to shed a few tears if you would like to

    sending hugs xoxo

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  3. Ggrand
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    23 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    Awe honey, cry all you want to, as you say to me it's a release, the walk sounds good but not for crying, when you walk take in nature, look around you,, feel the gentle breeze, smell the sweet scented flowers,hear the beautiful songs of the birds, mindfulness while walking.

    One day I will get the corouge up to take a walk.

    Kindness only.

    { L&a C }. 🤗🤗🤗

    GG.

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  4. demonblaster
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    23 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand
    Thanks Starts hugs back honey xx

    Grandy I love nature, trees, dead one's, some here are half black from fires, flowers are beautiful and OH yeah hearing the birdies sing, best music.

    Stars are out tonight, how good is it seeing them, not only the beauty but what's it all about fascinates me

    Walking's good Grandy, how bout don't think about it, just go, it's liberating & sounds lovely where you are.
    Sun's good too, exercise in sun's very good for pysch, a brain reaction with something from the sun (endorphines too but this is another ) & the light's a must for mental health too

    Could help you sleep & give your mind a rest, if you see someone you don't have to chat if you don't want to, smile, acknowledgements nice too
    Maybe you could walk with the dogs

    Taking another two way big hug. Thanks G you're first compassionate two words, you're so lovely

    Kindness only to you too Thoughts lady & strength
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  5. demonblaster
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    24 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Grandy I was there for you last night but post hasn't gone through, feel bad cause you opened up and don't want you to think you weren't being heard and replied to

    Daghhh just can't get enough sleep, moods still not great, it's hovering, going to walk, taking mammoth oomph to get moving and keep thinking about what you said to enjoy nature which I love but need to have a good gut wrenching cry which I think will happen but want to do it in private and where I'll be walking will or should be so can let it flow and look normal when I get back, don't want to pull others down. Feel bit bad that I haven' t got many happy beans at the mo but also can't help atm how things are but slowly putting a dent in it all.

    Usually am happy between these times and try really hard not to pull others down, but hard when you haven't got it happening inside.

    Anyway going

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  6. Ggrand
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    24 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello DB,

    Isnt it so hard to sleep, I'm giving up trying to now.

    I don't know your surrounding much or how much nature you have around you. Maybe go for a really nice slow walk taking in the sounds, sights, feels of nature, find a fallen tree or log somewhere private sit down then let those tears fall, it will be a good release for you.

    Hoping that a good cry will get the beasty to leave you alone a bit, so you pick up, feeling for you hun, really am. It's just so unfair. My tears are full on again now 2 days, So wish I could hold your hand for real and go on that walk with you, then we both can have a good heartfelt soul cleansing cry.

    Im here if you want to talk, I'm not really up to doing anything today,

    Be kind to yourself, love you special lady.

    GG

    I used to walk a lot before, it was my me time, just can't get myself out there.

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  7. Ggrand
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    24 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi again DB,

    I forgot to let you know that, I know you are always here for me, I never think otherwise, as I am always here for you,

    Kindness only.

    GG

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  8. demonblaster
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    24 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand
    thanks Grandy I feel for you cause at least I'm at the point I"m not needing sleepers and sleeping well mostly but it's been weeks trying but sometimes bed too later to but hate this shit

    Had a little few drops came out, yeah picked somewhere I could sit then was so busy trying to get up the hills and down without going arse over lol, had one tinsy slide, did 4 good hills. This isn't where I live, it's dirt tracks but not everywhere, love walking the rugged stuff but gotta be careful too so helped a lot, not far off coming good again but ..... AND giving up durries AGAIN, I do fine have about 5/6 times this year not too bad then mania comes on and it's all over, like 2yrs cravings hit every few seconds, too much stress to deal with let alone that nag, have to cause of impending probable surgery

    How are you today, I'm here to chat to as well in and out, kinda losing interest in everything, not everyone though.

    Thanks Grandy love you too xx
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  9. demonblaster
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    24 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    I know none of us do Grandy, just don't want this shit anymore

    Had few more drops come out.

    Going to your place, hey yeah btw I usually say no when people want to walk together, kinda like that alone time but have and will gladly with you. Never never let go of my hand, you're precious

    I was looking at stars last night and was gunna tell you to look at a certain formation and I would too so we were looking at the same time

    Sorry forget & lose track on what I'm blabbing about
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  10. Ggrand
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    24 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB.

    You never bab,I love listening to you, I often look at the stars at night and as you look at the big picture, the universe it's awesome, Where I live there are no street lights oh except on the corners, lol only 4 streets in town, anyway without street lights the stars are brilliant...oh btw I'm still squeezing tightly, I hope you still got feeling in your hand.

    GG

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  11. demonblaster
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    24 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand
    haha ...pwetty purple pinky, yeah fingers aren't quite broken yet how bout yours I'm giving them a bit of a thrashing :)

    Got about hr & half sleep, do you through the day. Helped, thinking need to get back to normal before next cycle hits. Had another walk with brother & their gorgeous dog, feeling bit better, when I woke was thinking about depression damn Grandy thoughts start running start geting answers or good thought goin on then it fades off, friggen concentration never been great but can
    Still bits is ok as long as it's happening I guess

    Been heaps of thoughts since I lost him about going back to GC & Uni hospital where he had chemo, hard times but good parts too. In your face but when you have to deal you have to aye

    I didn't ever think I was strong Grandy, until so many said & why, when I thought about it.... yeah ...

    Healing it's I don't know how to say G, comes from in us thinking about it. Helps good

    Want to talk more but it's so hard getting thoughts out clearly esp when we're blaghh but most of the time bloody anything takes an age you've said same & heard some from others too

    Same I hope to get you girls doing, if someone says something good about you, is it right. One of the hards is being completely honest with ourselves both ways about our goods & what can be changed too. Gotta like ourselves Grandy, all our times with our own head

    Sooo much magic in you, you're nurturing compassion ,gentleness, care, ooozes out .
    I'm so glad we've met we're helping eachother Grandy lady xx

    Been coming & going into this taken ages but not just trying to focus only that drives ya nuts aye. Any sense there lol


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  12. demonblaster
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    24 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand
    glad you're interested in depth too Grandy, I wanna know why

    Love connecting with people

    Sounds like you wouldn't meet many if you walk and be good to have bit of company in short bouts, I know you get nervous, even a nod & smiles good.

    Wow your stars sound awesome, yeah light interferes, bet they're magic. I get some at home but have to lean over balcony to see em all but can go somewhere to get REALLY good view but night time, nah, have but...
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  13. Ggrand
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    24 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    I leased the little general store here in town it was a take away/ post office/groceries, I was stupid to do this but I did, my life's decisions are really crappy, anyway due to me getting sick with MH, and the residents not using it, I had to close, I lost heaps, I had to sell my home and downsize, ok, this is what happened when I closed it, The residents in town got angry with me, they never used the shop but no mail service here ment they had to pick their mail up at my post office which was inside the shop.

    They got angry because now they had to travel into the next town 35 kilometres away. I had a lot of them coming to my home, yelling at me, calling me all sorts of things, day and night, this went on for months,

    The town is it's hard to explain two sections, the main road splits it. Where I am the village the smaller section, the people here were ok not happy but not to bad, over the road well that's where most came from that was yelling at me.

    the shops been shut nearly 3 years now, still no shop in town, people have settled down, we have a mail service twice a week, but the hurt and guilt is still sitting in me,

    I am not good at any life decisions I make, it doesn't matter what I do I ALWAYS make a mess of things.

    Thats another reason why I don't like to go for walks outside. People are mean and cruel I don't want to mix with people anymore. Here on BB I have found kind people, in the real world there are none.

    sorry about the rant, but I thought I will let you know..

    (L&C).

    GG.

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  14. demonblaster
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    24 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand
    Never be sorry for talking Grandy, love that you're opening up

    There are good people in rl (real life) we're real people, I know you care for us, it's mutts like them, where do they get off the.. Urghhh

    I read about this on another thread today, one day I"d like to read yours too & couple of others here too, takes so long reading in threads to catch up & some of the posts as we know can take an age to do.
    Oh & thanks that you've read mine, been meaning to say for ages.

    Would you want to move or ok there. What about the lady opposite or close by she seemed nice I think you said before.

    The people aren't too bad where you are G, maybe you could just doing little walks to start or what about driving somewhere nice and doing a wee one to start with.
    I'll be with you holding your hand virtually

    IF I wake which I could at 5 bloody 30 am cause you're going to watch sun rise tomoz, I'll do it with you but no promises, been thinking though so that counts aye.

    Feel the peace absorb into you pushing out the stress & pain

    Should be here but in case I hope your days good Grandy and that you get some needed rest

    Grandy you're so lovely xx





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  15. randomx
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    24 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Gday db and grand.

    Hope it's alrighttt me dropping into whaateverr thread thi s is l forget but damn grand that's one shit of a story. Very unfair on you .

    Remoc,inds me of where my little cabin is , same deal main street two sides they had mail troubles too. So unfair on you though hgrands. They'll be settled down now thoigh and probably all feeling bad for being such jerks at you. limagine it must be hard but l agree with db , and you might get a nice surprise out walking about.

    l satyed over my cabin for 12mths after my divorce, l was sure whole town hated me an all talked about me.l'd never stayed there before. But l started walking , went in the dark, it was bloody beautiful and to hell with them. An then l progressed to a few day time ones and low and behold people even talked to me . And yaknow in the end l miss that town now and those walks.

    So , ya never do know grands.

    Well ho ho ho to everyone , and you two ladies be good and if ya can't be good then be good at it eh. 00

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  16. Ggrand
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    25 December 2017 in reply to randomx

    Hi DB, Randomx,

    Yeah Randomx it was scarey , but I know everyone's not mean and cruel, just got upset writing that out. I think I wrote it out before on another thread, "how to say no". Thing is these people that were going off at at me owe me so much money, I used to let them put it on a tab, They still haven't payed up, they won't,

    No I can't sell up, country house don't sell for much, I had to sell my house property 8 acres, "that was where we lived when hubby was alive". to try to keep the shop open, used that money to keep shop running for a while, lost to much so I shut it down bought this house and paid all the bills off, and that was all the money gone.

    This is going to be hard for me to say then do. I will try and go for a walk, but not tomorrow, let's say before Friday, if that's okay. You haven't led me wrong yet, so I will try DB.

    I have 2 side neighbours only, out front is hundreds of acres grazing land, out back 2 holiday homes, never had anyone in them. One of my neighbours is ok, I don't talk but we wave she's yougaslav no English,

    Been awake all night again, 4.25am now, so ill definitely see the sunrise,

    Merry Christmas DB, Randomx, everyone else as well,

    (L & C).. DB,

    Have a peaceful day ,

    GG.

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  17. demonblaster
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    25 December 2017 in reply to randomx
    :D always enjoy your company Randomx, great to see you thanks for dropping in. Yeah hope they do feel like pratts, there I have got a lady like bone in there somewhere, don't like it though lol easier to swear :D :D :D
    Good idea starting walking in dark & Grandy how cool is the ending to Randoms walking & doesn't sound like many around so very proud of you before fridays a good idea. & I think & hope you'll benefit from it. Love that you're open to trying things.

    WOW didn't think I'd hear from him again and understand he wasn't ready but got a call last night, this is the bloke I went in hard for hurt like a mother for a few days was Sooooo happy so we're gunna see how it goes. We talked easily again for nearly 2 & half hrs Wooooooooooooooooooooo, not my way but think I better keep that part of my heart closed but then I say live for now ... shit life's too short he also has serious heart probs like beautiful late did too. They can't do anything for him. Scared what late said might happen, have to go through this twice. So to contradict I say live for now & if it hurts again deal with it then & enjoy now. SO when I get back. YEAH

    Was just yesterday starting to pull up now I'm buzzing.



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  18. randomx
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    25 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand

    Merry Christmas one and all.

    Sounds like a rough unfair sitch gg, damn. Town reminds me so much of where my little cabin is too, could easily end up in the same type of sitch with something like that in this place too. l knew they were all talking about me too but at least some talked to me in the end. l know it was a different sitch and without all your shop dramas but yaknow , just sayin. l never knew how to handle it and l was alone going through divorce and very depressed , missing my daughter and little family. The home we'd finally just bought 2yrs before, all gone to shyt, broke.

    l felt like that whole town knew but really they couldn't have.

    If it's any consolation many a people put all they had into a business venture turned bad gg, have myself .Don't be so hard on yourself about that , best brains around have done the same thing. Even my dad was wealthy all his life but passed away broke losing everything in something he git stuck in. Business is hard takes a lotta guts , should be proud of your effort most wouldn't have the nerve to try. lt wans't your fault , someone else could open up the damn po then , yaknow

    Wish l could offer some wisdom with the locals there. My cabins on an ac neighbour behind and side both hated me, l put up a little shed blocked them out haha.

    But l'm really not much good at getting by in the tiny town locals thing so hopefully some others here can offer some wisdom

    Only plan l could come up with in my sitch and l know it was very different to yours but still , for some reason it was all going on behind my back l knew that much , was to do what l wanted and to hell with it. So bit by bit l started doing it . with the few that did talk to me l tried to hit it off a bit with them and maybe l get a few in my corner in the end haha.

    Hope everyones getting through today.

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  19. Ggrand
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    25 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB,

    Im so very happy for you,,

    I think just imo, to talk and be friends, sometimes friendship can develop quickly and progress into something bigger I really don't want to see you hurt again, it took so much out of you, love you and care for you, you fell hard last time.

    I think you said he doesn't live far from you, so that's a bonus. Ohhh I'm just as excited as you are.. don't close all your heart of, you have a huge loving heart DB. He must be interested or he wouldn't have rang you, be gentle and protect your heart.. slow and steady win the race,

    When will you see him again?

    I can feel the buzz in your words, it sounds really good to me.

    Enjoy your drinks tonight, and the company.

    (L & C). always. {{{hugs}}}.

    GG

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  20. demonblaster
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    25 December 2017 in reply to randomx
    Hey :)

    Reply not through, did it earlier
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  21. Ggrand
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    25 December 2017 in reply to randomx

    Hello Randomx,

    Little towns can go two ways, for or against a person, this little town was developed when they decided to build a dam here for cotton farmers, The part over the highway were the Bosses home, not big but not government housing, down my end all government housing, Still this way today, rich the other side us poor folk this side, The town is divided, The other side of the highway have a bad disposition and don't mix with the village residents,oh both sides talk to each other but that's about it. To walk the entire town completely around it one hour, to do the village 10 minutes,

    To tell you the truth I'm completely over everything, I live in my home 6 days a week, I only go out 1 day sometimes not even. When I had the shop everyone was friendly and told me their business, I have so much information about people in town, I think that's why they yelled and carried on at me, before the shop was closed I lived in the next town, so there secrets were safe. I have never nor never will repeat anything that was said to me..

    I don't know, I try and keep trying to get myself better but there is always something stopping me, why everything goes wrong with me I will never know. I really feel like giving up trying.

    If I wasn't here on the forums, if I didn't meet the people helping me I definitely wouldn't be trying, but the care and time people have put into me, I owe them to try.

    I will try and take that walk this week, I can't promise I will but I will promise I will try, if I can't get myself out there to go for a simple walk, well...

    Merry Christmas Randomx .

    GG

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  22. YK
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    25 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB

    MC🎄. I'm in a new relationship with a guy, early 40s and I think he has Undiagnosed BP.

    I know he takes meds for depression, but he also has anger issues, anxiety, paranoia, lacks sleep and pretty much can change his mind like the dawning of a new day.

    He's very defensive or me broaching seeing a GP about a MH plan. I feel like you he tries and often succeeds to keep the darkness out.

    But in my eyes the dark times are more than the light and I fear the long term effects all of the stress and anxiety he is experiencing now (due to a personal issue he is dealing with and will be part of his life forever.. Without disclosing)

    Why did you wait to seek diagnosis?

    what changed your mind?

    How do the meds Improve your well-being?

    What are the side effects?

    If this is too personal it's cool. I just really don't know how else to help this guy I care so much about. I feel his pain and the anger in him is deeply hurtful.

    peace and thanks

    keep reaching for the light 😊

    YK

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  23. randomx
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    25 December 2017 in reply to YK

    Haha , hi ya db , that is great news , good for you eh.

    l'm talking to someone to atm. but she ain't just anyone, love so much about her , she's my thing head to toe butttt, very early days so trying not to get hopes up eh ,

    Althoogh gf and l officially only split a few mths now, we were onand off all year and being long distance haven't been able to get together all year so it's sort of really a lot longer than jus a few mths.

    But some days talking to this new one, gf is still in my mind and heart and later l feelsad in all that but so happy about N too, go figure eh. It's a bit scary and l know how you must be feeling. Graet advice from gg , gonna take suma that myself too.

    Sorry Grands , what a , well l better not go swearing round here eh.

    Just between us though , l was chuckling about all those secrets . Always wondered why people tell shop owners anything as if they're old trusted friends yet really don't know them at all, pretty funny l always thought. You van rub your mits together with a little devil grin and have a chuckle eh.

    But eh , don't think everything goes wrong for you. You had a lotta guts and you went out on a limb and tried something big most people would never have the guts to do.

    It's hard having or opening a business don't worry , l've worked for myself 25yrs and been near under plenty of times it ain't easy stuff grands but you did it , you gave it a go.

    Maybe walkings not for you l can;t remember but l think l read somewhere you loved walking but if not something else. It'd really help.

    l didn't expeot to like it but l wound uup loving it because the town was so beautiful at night and l couldn't affird to do much else. but as l went on it became in my head a way of saying to the locals, wanna give some shyt well , here l am.

    Just my warped way of dealing with their crap haha.

    Anyway if you do give it a go find a little torch to take with ya, great for looking in the trees or where ever at any wildlife.

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  24. demonblaster
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    26 December 2017 in reply to YK
    MC🎄back atcha YK welcome thanks for coming

    Does he have times (mania) not everyone with BP has it poor buggas just the downs, when he's really pumped full of ideas, projects, energy, (Boundless) chattier than normal, happy beyond, confident, cruisy as, loving life, sleep as you mentioned frig all if any.
    Depression before it comes on, and can be too after (for me both, deeper after) it's VERY deep.

    YK said: " Why did you wait to seek diagnosis?"

    Didn't (soz caps lock) wait, when I was 15 ish Mum/Dad offered for me to see Psych but at that age it's "NO I"M NOT CRAZY". I knew something wasn't right since I was old enough to be self aware & at 46yrs or bit before a chook at supermarket who I could relate to seeing her highs and lows said one day she was BP so from there I thought more and approached them

    "How do the meds Improve your well-being?"

    Psych didn't think they'd work being such a late diagnosis & not for that reason I don' t think they did anything, I couldn't have been higher (not hallucinations/grand deur or dellusional luckily) or possibly go any lower with depression, god it goes deep.
    I've worked/wokring on mind control, emotional control.Got the highs down from type 1 to type 2 or a bit higher.

    "What changed your mind?"

    I strongly believed I could do this alone, was totally against meds
    HATE being a cow letting out shit on others and did hurt a couple of people in anger & thought NAH this isn't how I want to be or to hurt people. Never want to do that.

    "What are the side effects?"

    I haven't noticed any but not to say there aren't a few for others.
    Have reduced dose over the yrs with Doc supervision and aim one day to be in complete control and off all.

    I understand his reluctance to get help but it's too much to do alone, he's got a loving supportive partner in you who seems to want to understand & help, he could risk losing this if he doesn't get help and it's seriously to savage without some guidance, release.

    When he's calmer are you able to broach him about his anger & that it hurts, it would.

    Thankyou for asking and for "keep reaching for the light" Gold :)

    I'm open to any questions, it's great someone wanting to know as opposed to me just babbling on for education

    Very best let me know how you go if you like



     

     

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  25. demonblaster
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    26 December 2017 in reply to YK
    Heyaz

    YK I replied earlier but they're probs flat out so post not through yet :)

    Random Yeah it was very rough on you with the break with X wasn't it if I remember right, and seems you still have feelings for her, but stoked for ya having new chooky that you're so into. Wooo hooo go go :D
    Early days for new & lot of history for old aye, how long were you together, I do know but can't remember, think it was a decent stretch. Do they know about eachother, not telling you what to do I reckon the best way even if it's going to hurt someone that we don't wanna do is being honest, imo it's showing the ultimate in respect to someone.

    Happy for you but hear your undecidedness (yeah red squiggly line saying not a real word but hey this is the rebel in me lol)

     
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  26. demonblaster
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    26 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand
    Hey GRANDOM ...:D :D :D ...yeah... I'm on demand. That's Grandy & Random nifty huh

    Yeah/Nah it's good thinkfing about stuff. Grandy you said friendship first thinking a lot about that. You've got a very strong nurturing spirit you speak to people with heart & .. what's the bloody word...you're on point with such depth & ......arghhhh... I like thinking , part of is how to bloody explain things it's so hard at times (a lot) get there eventually usually laugh in the process . I like most people
    Makes me feel cared for & warm too Grandy your compassion runs deep lady. Read a few of your posts.When I can put across how you are you'll like yourself too. Work on it Grandy. Is it beasty talking shit or stuff to work through. End result peace.

    Your beautiful comment "enjoy today with next door," G, saw the bloke from before that I made pretty obvious I'm in if he wants, think interest but in net relationship. Rejections rejection even if a good reason. Quite like him but pffttt didn' t happen there either, got a beaut hug tho.
    Yeah not too closed heart aye Grandy, lifetime of wearing heart on sleeve, hurts like shit arrows straight in. When I fully like myself getting there it won't hurt cause I'll have confidence, have a fair bit but nowhere near enough with self worth.

    We like someone cause they make us feel good, pleasure, meet needs.The excellent people you've got on your side Grandy, one day I'll make you realise how amazing you are. You're easy to love trust me

    so thinking about this fella, I'm finally starting to respect myself. Want someone to like/love me first, it'll mean something. Been used way to much. See what happens. We do time easily, chat laugh talk good being around people you can talk about anything with. Like him a lot said keeping that bit of heart closed I did come down hard on that one Grandy thankyou for saying & everything you say & you said I haven't led you wrong wow that really means...
    we're cards on the table easier that way. Can't be bothered with bs

    Can't quite find my happy beans they're coming back slowly in bits. Man ya come down here,it's part of recovery it's peaceful around here, don't walk everyday did 5 hills yesterday one a whopper & down first at about a centimetre every couple secs lol
    Loven these dirt track hikes your bodies going all over the shop a good workout. The others were enough to get a good puff happening


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  27. YK
    YK avatar
    6 posts
    26 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello DB

    thanks v much for replying.

    yes he has the highs as you described and in these times it feels like he actually likes me and himself.. life in general. This can be from week to week up and down and also larger cycles like literally a completely different, calm, confident person and a sad, stresses, angry, selfish guy.

    He has made comments and possible "wishes" that I now wonder is he in control of.. Or when in a mania is he too delusional. Does this happen with you?

    I guess all peeps are on different levels but I now struggle to know the truth of what or how he feels (about me or otherwise) .. As for instance a text message can be obscene and insinuate the expiry of our relationship and another will say he loves me... 😩😲

    the paranoia has hurt me the most and has to do with him not trusting me and thinking I'll abandon him. But it also extends to believing others are trying to go against him... So I don't take it personal but it's kinda frustrating.

    Do you experience this?

    I have spoken to him - on many occasions about his language and anger, changing his mind last minute and neglecting my feelings. But he doesn't stop and blames me.

    Yet on the flip side he is very caring, kind and good fun when his mood is right.

    Atm I'm not close to him as he's said and I agree he needs space and time to deal with his own life.. But he hasn't however told me that includes looking inside and outside to sort out his MH.

    I don't want to push him but fear him going it alone... And he literally won't respond or accept me saying I will support him. Pride?

    He has mentioned in the past of being not strong enough as he had no support. But he hates me pushing and pressuring him to seek help, acknowledge his behaviour etc.

    I mean, this forum for eg. Looks like an awesome start.. But now I'm on here aaah I feel I've sold him out!!

    Have you experience with AOD? As he also went sober for 3 months and has turned back to drinking and pot which he has no control to stop and I can see it does not affect him in a good way.

    Why is he doing this 😔

    I also heard being misdiagnosed (with depression) can be really bad for your MH.. For ex if you have BP. Any experience?

    do you find it difficult to talk to people you are close to about real life stuff?

    Sometimes my guy just literally says "I can't talk now". That's how somber his mood is. 😔

    Ok my tutor!!

    Thanks for helping me.

    Enjoy your evening and focus on what you enjoy!

    Appreciate your important insight

    YK

    2 people found this helpful
  28. demonblaster
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    26 December 2017 in reply to YK
    Thankyou YK. Nah you're not selling him out, you're trying to understand to help & this is good for you to be able to talk. You're anonymous and there's respect here. Just your head trying to pull you down.

    Mania's the ultimate in happiness, you feel complete peace with yourself & EVERYTHING, confident, you just buzz. Bliss. Total opposite on downs, they take ya sooo deep to places so dark so much pain deep dislike in yourself & yeah anger's huge with stress & exhuastion which you reach everytime when the body loosens up. High stress makes your body tense, I felt it so tight moreso in type 1. Higher.
    Trying to control this is like trying to stop a tsunami with your hands. It's MEGA powerful but amazing to go through the mania
    The downs last longer for me 2-4 wks recovery sleep & depression about a wk's average for mania

    No he's not wise to try this alone. Yes I think Pride. Stubbornness too but helps getting through which let's hope he tackles
    You clearly care for good reasons but that's too hard for you being the brunt if he's not going to try or get help. Pulling you down. You're a good person not wanting him to go it alone but you also need to look after your own MH. Does he have anyone that he'll listen to to back you up

    I don't have much paranoia now but use to, asked Psych if it's part of & can be, crap scenarios of having arguments with people, didn' t know them necessarily but just shit, the mind makes up crap. Could be anxiety only recently realise that runs hard in cycles. Maybe a stress release, it finds ways out, needs to. It's really hard work, the stress goes into overdrive up/down. Easier to go with it but we need control over our emotions

    What sort of comments & wishes? Don't say if you don't want :) I'm not usually delusional as such though I get stronger belief in things that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can be strong in BP though. I'm mostly rational luckily. Start heaps of stuff & don't finish. Consistent with ADHD, if anything maybe ADD.

    AOD Alcohol OD? Yeah & pot seems consistent with MI for many, I think it's escaping pain. They're downers but it's the wild side comes out. Beasty pulling us down I like grog but usually can't afford so drink more socially & ok without but hit it hard & pretty wild when younger

    coming back


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  29. demonblaster
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    26 December 2017 in reply to YK
    ? been abandoned in past
    Yeah probs my biggest fear's people dying that I love, was 18 when Dad died damn it & living in other city. So final
    Insecurities big with depression, low self esteem, always someone around to knock us aye but beautiful ones too

    Yip misdiagnosis is dangerous cause if meds involved the wrong one's could be making it worse & not treating the symptoms.

    I talk broadly about BP to a lot of people for understanding & knowledge, we should be talking openly about anything that pulls people down but can't put on people the deeps, they'd walk away depressed but I make it as clear as I can how deep you go if sense in that
    I've got a life line atm first time in life, off shoot of MH someone amazing to talk it through with & we get on really well, great listener very good at his job, speaks with respect & knowledge, really good fella.

    Haha your tutor, very happy to help hope it is. Ask anything & I often forget to answer stuff if so just poke me

    Enjoy your night too YK. Feel free to say more about how you're feeling too, this is for you as well :)

    IMO for your sake a step back x
    1 person found this helpful
  30. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    10022 posts
    27 December 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello DB,

    Sorry I didn't reply earlier then this I'm having trouble with something I seen...Thank you kindly for the nice words you spoke to me...

    Imo, if you and this fellow can sit down and talk for hours you know joking, laughing, talking about yourselves, life in general, enjoying each other's company, I think that's the start of a beautiful friendship. Getting to know someone, their likes, dislikes, hobbies, food they like, their beliefs, just getting to know their personality is necessary to develop further then friendship.

    DB, If you respect yourself and the fellow sees this well he also will respect you, then you will respect him, goes around in circle. You have a huge, gentle, warm heart DB, I know this from talking to you, Let this fellow see this, he can not help but like/love you. I do. Let him talk, you listen and help him heal, just being their for him is you showing your respect for him..

    Please DB, you only need a few happy beans to get it started into full blown happiness, the few you got well nurture them feed on them, think about them, only happy thoughts, they will grow..

    I haven't really tried to get out for a walk yet, sorry for that, but I will try tonight, or tomorrow night, It's so hard to do this..I can't take my dogs, as soon as I put their collars on they both drop their heads to the floor, poor little darling, they don't like them and I won't force them..

    (L&C)..always DB.

    kind and peaceful thoughts,

    GG.

    Im talking gibberish atm, my minds not concentrating well.

    1 person found this helpful

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