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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Surviving: Being in a better place

Topic: Surviving: Being in a better place

  1. demonblaster
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    25 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey peeps :)

    Status: Live in fear of bad back out fortunately this is medium to 3/4 which is kinda improving but worse too. Yeah contradictive, still rough, scared whoopless of getting hooked to the heavies pain relief but gotta keep walking to keep/improve core strength that's def stopped it being worse but still needing the suckers, at least the pinched nerve's in neck settling so did one of the stengthening excercises but couldn't do the really hard one (Ahhhh what a shame lol) aggravated back so will see if it stirs up again. Need to build muscle their too. This also was about 3/4's approx very painful but not unbearable like first one recently.
    Back every step hurt like ... so no choice had med.Massive cry in street with pain/BP low/exhaustion but an outlet. Walked down hills like a snail & did the whole lot probs double time to usual stayed slow after meds kicked in hoping to not aggravate it more. Did one of the whopper hills amongst others too to make up for not yesterday. Happy did it all, quick words/laughs/smiles with people good for ups & stress release.

    Survival:Going to go back to good Mindfulness thread, learning how to not be all day here, love it but won't get other list stuff happening. Excited about starting it, hope it's not just the mania saying yeah I'll do it then don't, still midway in cycle probs so first will need badly to just recover (coma sleep :) & will take a while to organise. Have got a few things on it that I wanna do daily or couple times in wk. Think this is one of the rare times tho in mania that I make up my mind. Short lived sometimes but better than nothing. GOTTA push through the wall. Cement but breakable with will.

    Mood, thanks to Starwolf (always excellent reading) re: mindfulness to "keep bad thoughts at heel" allowing them then looking around at things WORKED as it does for her.
    Also trying to learn not to allow self pity, deadly dangerous it avalanches from there but then sometimes is ok to maybe release a good cry for outlet.

    There done, and still some characters left. There's always hope lol

    Thx listening. Hope your days are good or at least better

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  2. startingnew
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    25 September 2017

    Hey db

    Will get to here just about to walk into trauma therapy

    Breathe in breathe out walk in

    Hugs and hugs until i can get back here

    XXoxox

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  3. demonblaster
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    25 September 2017 in reply to startingnew
    Good on you, yip keep the breathing happening.

    Hope it goes ok hun

    xx
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  4. startingnew
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    25 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    Hey DB
    sorry its taken me so long to get here. Im sure you understand


    I agree, trying to respond to long posts on phones are really annoying, thats why I generally wait until im on my computer to respond unless they are short posts.


    Nah you havent commmented in mind, but theres no pressure at all just a suggestion :)


    depression is a cow! It always comes to get us when we least expect it. Thats why its called a shadow


    just keep doing the things you like, good at and want to try to increase your self confidence.


    Physical pain isnt fun and many suffer, some more than others and it seems youve copped a lot of it. Itll be a good discovery if they can find a cure for degeneration and other internal things too.
    Take you time doing things and only if your up for it. Buiding muscles take a lot of time too so dont expect results onver night.


    Good for you for wanting to start other things on your list. I love being here too but there has to be a balance between being here and being in reality.
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  5. demonblaster
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    25 September 2017 in reply to startingnew

    Thanks hun

    truth being here and in RL (real life)

    No probs at all, no pressure, just when & if you want

    btw was it this thread that you had a trigger? Understand not peeved (( ))

    Posted earlier in yours probs be afk soon, wrecked.

    Thanks for support and compassion, Yeah had a VERY hard time intermittently over several yrs with the back and now the neck carrying on. Pain Specialist early Nov, not being negative but realistic, it's not gunna be good news but have to take it as it comes, not much I'll be able to do about it.

    Go easy darl xx

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  6. startingnew
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    25 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    was that the post where you said you would be back later (bbl)?

    it was this thread and another thread. the other thread was worse but dogs are a trigger for me so they both clashed at the same time. if it hadnt of read the thread before hand i wouldve been abit better here but im sure your aware once triggered everything goes out the window for a bit.

    im honestly freaking out about tomorrow! but ill leave that to my thread

    hope you get some rest and sleep well

    sending some sweet dreams and comforting hugs your way

    xoxoxox

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  7. demonblaster
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    26 September 2017 in reply to startingnew
    Starting I believe you speak from your heart. For example if you read your last post here above how lovely you are, not only are you a good communicator which is a great thing, look at your sincere wishing me well when you've got sooo much on. Because you've been over the yrs and present drowned with depression that buries self confidence it's very hard but doable and needs repetition constantly & belief that you have the goods hun. It's a massive do and start to gaining self esteem which confidence grows with which gives us a shield.

    Tomorrow's getting closer so time not stopping, you'll soon be there and getting closer to results.
    Ok I'll check out laters, off to Doc in tic


    Thx big sleep & needing untold more.

    Survival: Started to come down here and there, BP's very up & down depending on how much stimulation's going on and there's a lot of people & activity so not pulling out of cycle yet, opposite woke up & had the pump for a while which is mmm mmmm I think this was more adrenalin mixed with yeah feeling good which is ok for now, getting extremely tired which is norm but thing is I HAVE to stay UP while being around people, HATE letting rot out on others or being a sad sack around them it's a downer for them and feel bad if I vent in anger which really try not too unless someone's being a pratt then let's go. They deserve it then but still not wanting to lose control anymore.

    Been thinking going by every single past cycle and by God there's been untold that this down is gunna be a doozy but SURVIVAL's saying nah wrong attitude, I've gotta convince myself & esp that now I have a new system to work on (list) that this is the beginning of winning over the tragics.
    That'll take practice but must put it into practice, teaching the thought patterns, cause we follow our thoughts I guess.

    So time will tell but for now that's what I'll work on and keep as busy as I can for distraction to get through the hell side & exhaustion. Busy atm so that's ok but need to get sleep as often as po,that I can't so much through day & holding atm but phooo wearing down.

    Thx
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  8. Just Sara
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    26 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Good morning DB;

    Chooky Sez start the day with a smile. :-)

    Birds are chirping, sun's shining and my heart's full. What more could a girl want? Sending all these things your way to inspire your day. Ha! It rhymes!

    Lots of Lurve...

    Sez Chooky xoxo

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  9. demonblaster
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    26 September 2017 in reply to Just Sara
    right back at ya Chooky :D

    & how good is it hearing the birdies twirping, haha puts me in a very peaceful happy place, not the sqwarkers (no time to think how to spell that one)

    Mwah thx sweet thing

    Keep this great happy up :)
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  10. startingnew
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    26 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Dear DB
    ive been told that quite a lot, though I dont really know it means persay. I see a lot of people write the way I do so its nothing special. Self confidence is one of the hardest things to build. It takes a lot of time but as you said its doable.
    No use commenting on 'tomorrow' as its already today and its already done. Its on my thread todays events.

    how are you today? how did your doc appointment go?


    Sending lots of hugs to you
    xoxoxo

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  11. demonblaster
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    26 September 2017 in reply to startingnew

    Yeah other people too are lovely if they're being supportive and caring for others as well as their personality in posts as yours.
    Self confidence is massive to build yeah depression buries our goods but it's an absolute must, one of our biggest strengths we can have to fight the good fight.
    We need to push through the black, take a torch, find. Our goods are there, find em, grab em, hold em every day keep reminding yourself. It'll come, you start to feel better within yourself. truth

    My self esteem was rock bottom as a teen, had lot of happies too but it was always beneath. Taken yrs to build this far & I'm going all the way. I don't act as some people do, I have a chunk of confidence, several people say I'm so confident, but still lot underlying. Getting there.
    You will too, & so far that's how I've learnt, also what was a huge boost having partner that unconditionally loved me, friends/family lot of that like/love that made me realise must have goods. I think most of us do.

    Thx asking yeah good, always great to see him ticks every box lovely friend too not socially shame. Mainly sussing what I have to watch for not getting hooked to heavies for pain which good news back still not good but lot better, FINALLY with luck gunna keep improving and scripts, physio stuff to do for neck/Back stengthening

    Lot of social activity saw several friends/acqaintances. Missed bus Doc running late, no probs some need longer & couple emergencies so went club played bit of keno was talking to a beautiful 93 yo man, walk without a stick all facalties, a lady he knows & I were pretend fighting over him, then he was talking about other ladies so we arched up lol. Also a 91 yo man on bus I like a lot, great knowledge & convo. Even better condition, amazing. Nursed a 104 yo lady, walked talked, what an honor, left so dunno how long she lived. (Sydney) Reversed Psychology on her once, she'd kick up for a bath & at that age whatever I reckon so I gave a shot at righto, spoke a little like she did at those times with tone & said that's alright I've gone to the trouble of running it now it's gunna be wasted or something, few mins later, "where's the bath then" :D (Y)

    V.tired but ok atm

    Sleep well or as best you can. Been in your thread read all posts from my last. You're doing fine darl, keep it up, you're on the right track, can only improve from here & time has a knack of pulling us out into different scenes. It won't all be bad (( ))

    Ditto hugs

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  12. Poppy Clitheroe
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    26 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    I have Complex PTSD and probable BPD #2. I have been treated for my mental health conditions since adolescence but not with the right diagnosis until 10-odd years ago... I am nearly 44. I found your story very inspiring. I believe in these areas individual narratives are very significant - my psych and mental-health visitor always talk first about treating me, not a dignosis. I have felt for the last few years that it is like learning to ride waves - up and down - I find roller-coaster metaphors a bit too extreme...and dis-empowering. I believe with not just my heart but with all the rational power at my disposal that this learning and adapting is possible - it might not solve, but you can manage. I lost my mother (my greatest support) to cancer last year and I do understand the profound impact of grief. Thankyou for your sharing and insight. I apologize I have not read the rest of this thread - am brand-new to this kind of connection. Regards PC
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  13. startingnew
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    27 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    Good morning DB


    how were you able to build up your self esteem? You said that you have it and you go all the way but still have things hidden esp due to depression etc but how were you able to hmmm.... bring it out from beneath it all. Kinda like dusting it off and using it again...
    it seems to have been and still is a really good assett to have in recovery and being able to move forward. Is it really just about being happy?


    It sounds like youve got a good gp who really has your best interest at heart. Have you already got a physio to help with your strengthening?


    It sounds like youve been having a good time, as life should be. I thnk its great that your being activly social and gettng out there. Good on you


    hope you were able to get some good sleep in last night


    xoxoxoxox
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  14. demonblaster
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    27 September 2017 in reply to Poppy Clitheroe
    Poppy or do you prefer PC, Hi & welcome to this amazing site, and thankyou so much for your appreciation and great post.

    Very sorry about losing your dear Mum, what I learnt from so much support from friends/family/ &here initially is a constant that helped no end is allow yourself as long as you need for grieving. I found distraction worked & needed it but it was exactly that, the mind still had to go through it which is ok cause we have to get to the other side which I THINK I have. Always hurts but severity decreases in time and the great memories are replaced.

    Yes I'm more type 2 these days but from research & type 1 & 2 diagnosis from 2 separate Psychs which just realised when I approached them I was in type 1 at that time WOW though lol, wow now too for type 2 as well (mania anyway) luckily no hallucinations, Grand deur. Poor buggas.
    Type 2 we have more & deeper depression I've read on different articles, Joy :) kinda ying & yang also the whole BP deal aye.

    Glad to hear you're of the same thinking too.

    Understand how you feel being new and massive site, so much to learn, bounce around & wow I'm learning stuff galore that I'm stoked about cause it's helping.
    No probs not reading whole thread,takes time I wanna read back on a lot but have to work out how not to spend hrs here which I'm really enjoying tho, cause also for learning more but helping hopefully others too.
    Starwolf here my absolute ROCK has continually supported me and she does as these amazing Community Champions also help so many others, IF you have time & honestly not hassling you may like to read her posts here, cause I've learnt untold from her esp the distraction recent post to avoid those nagging constant plagueing neg thoughts in the downs could help you too. No pressure tho :)
    She's come through major beyong stuff. Blows me away, soooo strong, such a survivor.

    Re the roller coaster I don't mind that metaphor cause it's so accurate, but fair enough if you look at it in a waves form which is a good view too. Seems more gentle aye. I get your point.

    Feel free anytime to talk about how you're doing here & also don't know if you've seen it but there's a section for loss up to you if you want to do a thread, if so give us a yell & I'll jump in.

    Thanks again.

    Take good care, hope to see you around :)
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  15. demonblaster
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    27 September 2017 in reply to startingnew
    Hey darl thx dropping in and for your support darl :)

    This won't work for everyone jeez I feel for people that don't have friends or like/love in their lives, I have a lot BUT at times some very lonelies.

    SURVIVAL: So from loss of my darling actually was a huge learn on many platforms sooo much support and love from many which we knew we had a lot of good friends but I didn't realise just how much so I told that to a few & one said "that's cause of what you put out" Kaboomb. So I thought if people like me and are saying good things, same as here for you is it true? So we're swamped with the BLACK DOG's masterful putting us down in EVERY way including hugely our self esteem. So when someone says something think if it's true, or maybe it's true but you haven't realised it. Unless someone's bad & trying to con us, good people that tell us our goods are probs saying cause it's true. Yeah some may say to lift but lot of people don't throw the goods out for the hell of it.
    Also by I guess maybe I"m subconciously using mindfulness to go through the dark parts & think what are my goods. Most have em in abundance

    It has which can be daunting taken yrs but because I didn't know I had BP until 46, same as Poppy above at 44yrs so when I knew was the time I said RIGHT, time to fight the beast & GOD there's a LOT to work on but also same over the yrs people mostly like me so that helped.

    Long way to go darl but every little win gives us more strength to build our rod to stand again.

    Not physio, walking hills building core strength so this back out was less severe but still lot of pain and grief & have same from Doc some more strengthening excercises for neck, doing some already. The immense out of this world pain from neck recently (first time) & bad back outs I'll pretty much do anything to avoid again.

    Thx darl yeah slept like baby SOOoo tired, needing days/wks more. Starting to hit exhaustion but feel I should go table tennis tonight, not to play, but I organise it so best to make a show every now and then. Been a while.

    ((( )))
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  16. startingnew
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    27 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB
    I thought id responded here, musnt have


    I dont have friends, they all turned on me and my family well you know about those.


    It sounds like your really self aware, its pretty amazing. Of course theres a long way to go but recovery is never easy or short. Theres always sosme sort of obstacle in the way isnt there but the more we overcome the better we get. The more resilient we become.


    At leas you dont have the added expense of physio, but if things dont work properly through gp id recommend getting one as they specialise in these things too. I think once we expericne those sorts of pain we try the best we can to get better and to never have to experince it again.


    Hope you have a good time at table tennis if youve been. I played abit of that through school, not competively but just for abit of fun.


    How did you go today? How are you feeling tonight?

    hugs and hugs

    xoxoxo

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  17. Peppermintbach
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    27 September 2017 in reply to startingnew

    Hi DB,

    I thought that I would pop in to say hi and see how you're doing.

    Admittedly, I've only read a few of your more recent posts so I'm not very familiar with your story and experiences.

    But from the snippets that I've read, you strike me as someone who has been through a lot. Seen a lot. Heard a lot. And no doubt, hurt a lot too. Maybe it's my imagination but there's a sense of peace in your posts. A lot of pain too but peace as well.

    Butterfly- I left a message on your thread. I don't think it's up yet...hopefully soon...

    Aw, it saddened me to read about your friends desserting you. It must have stung. I know we can't replace offline friends but please know that that you're a friend to so many here (as we are also your friend). Love you loads.

    Kind thoughts to all,

    Pepper xoxo

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  18. demonblaster
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    27 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hi Peps lovely to see you, thanks for popping in and the warm supportive comments you dear biatch lol I reckon well hoping you take that as the warped humor I have :D Yeah smiled when I saw as you said somewhere recently the playing with words

    Thx really is a lovely post and yes there definately are the great times in my life too, yeah lot of hurt but walk in the park to what some of yous here have/do go through, blows my mind the cruelty of people that sadly doesn't surprise me, I talk to so many in Rl (real life) too that their stories are abominable like last night with spontaneous drink and chat with lovely neighbours. Unbelievable what some people think is ok how to treat their kids and adults.

    My general way is happy it's the BP (bipolar) that's done it's job and continues to slam moreso than many with it as I'm more than a rapid cycler that has 4 or more episodes, cycles a year. I have 8-10, exhausting but positive is I'm slowly and gunna get there getting stronger. BUt howw lonnnnng does it have to take aye.

    Yes thanks for that observation, love which luckily I have a lot of gives some peace although there are lonely times I realized recently it was the loss of my beloved & thought I was through the worst but of course the mind had to give another big dose but that's to be expected and we have to go through the hards to get out the other side, so now I"m hoping at least the worst's over. Would have been so much easier without BP but still wickedly hard, BP took me back to considering suicide but I may this last cycle before this one now be not considering that anymore as I realised it's in the downs that is the times you want out badly.

    Believe me when I say you're very appreciated. Thankyou Peps as I've said before very happy to have met you. Hope I can support you too

    Hope your day's been as good as can be, if you ever wanna chat you're very welcome here.

    Take good care darl xx
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  19. demonblaster
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    27 September 2017 in reply to startingnew
    Hey sweet

    Thanks for coming in always lovely to have visitors, jeez and I didn't even offer a choccy, that'd be cause I've eaten them all but can offer water lol

    Yes I remember you saying friends & family don't have care for you. From what I know of you seriously their loss. As Peps said it's sad but absolutely look at how many you have here & as you said to someone at least you know they're real people on the other end.

    Thx gunna start tt (table tennis) at another venue close by, didn't play, can't with this crap going on with back/neck but both better back not quite, did BA today but happy it's on the improve, just a couple of OMG's. Standing up straighter today. Bonus. Same as you at school this is social, I don't want comp but a couple do so later I'll work at it, gets too serious. I'm a pretty good player, long way to go &if they don't throw spin at me I can slam a few beauties, but as with everything learning.
    Pretty hacked off, one of the special needs darlings, some come to this night play with a support worker apparently sat on the table where the robot is which sent it to the floor, I wasn't there but what sh's me is the workers should've been there watching. ARgghhh but looks ok & he certainly meant no harm. Poor darling would have copped a verbal, not from me but he DOESN'T MEAN TO grrrr.
    I go separate days volunteer with them, love them. Got a little hug from one tonight that doesn't usually so that was touching.
    Any sports you like? Do you get to do much of your art? Definately therapeutic isn't it.
    From my list probs work on it more when fully recover from this episode & maybe afk (away from keyboard) soon stayin with MIL & see family on late partners side but mine as well through defacto, beautiful bunch might not go for 3 nights, so badly need to catch up on sleep & big 3 wks coming up too, away at brother & sil for house/dog sitting soon

    Thx hun for caring & asking, yeah apart from wrecked doing well so far, have lovely chooky coming tomoz for hr, off shoot of mental health, they do whatever you want I usually just wanna talk.

    I'll jump over to you before I go into sleep coma soonish.

    Warm beautiful hugs to you too sweet, hope you're feeling a bit better I had to choof earlier but saw you poor thing you were stressed
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  20. Peppermintbach
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    28 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Morning DB,

    Good on you for volunteering. Your affection for the people you volunteer with shows. They must know you're a caring person (especially as even the non-huggers are flocking to you for hugs).

    All the best with getting back into tt. It sounds like something that you enjoy. I even picked up a lift in your writing tone when you mentioned tt :)

    Kind thoughts,

    Pepper xoxo

  21. demonblaster
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    28 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Thx Peps, Yeah I do care about people & get pleasure out of helping, reasons I loved nursing (EN 1yr training then, much better now think it's 2ish +).

    If I could physically work again (Bodies wrecked through it (Back) it'd be with special needs but at least this way I can do for these beautiful loving simple (saying with utmost respect, people that have it so hard yet rarely complain. So much we can learn from these guys,rarely malice & any down actions have reason out of their control.

    To see someone happy, get pleasure, & explore the minds to bring out skills then others encourage & kudos them is the ultimate.

    This is also one of things I like where life's heading is not hiding but integrating special needs into society.
    Acceptance comes with knowledge & being aware what others have to endure.

    Yeah tt (T.tennis) is about the only thing I really enjoy sport wise from early age, Mum tried to encourage me to do things & once mentioned tt, inside I glowed but also from there too much hurting & said NO, I"M FAT & UGLY, so didn't join up. SHould've would have got more friends, one was great in many ways but also adding to stress & down feelings.

    Many thx darl for you ongoing lovely support.

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  22. demonblaster
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    28 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    Status/Survival: Wrecked but still hacking mentally/physically, not fully exhausted yet but close. Over yrs lately got that down to nearly hitting the wall but still 2/3 wks sleep & deep depression recovery.

    Realised at recent Dr visit that this cycle for the first time in how long only needed sleep meds kinda once or twice, huge step but could be result of pain/meds/excercise on top of mania sleep deprivation etc but good anyway.

    Rearranged time stay at MIL's from 3 to 2 days to allow more sleep recoop. Big few wks coming up. At least we get out of it, really feel for people that suffer constantly. (Soz repeats but is for anyone that reads last couple or more posts)

    Excited/optimistic for new leaf in book with the list, I need to work more on but not pressuring to do it, to do daily things that entire life haven't been able to push through & do, planning not to let this be mania giving inspiration then peetering out. Gotta change habits, I wonder if its the brain needing the break the boundless energy & activity goes on even in type 2 (milder, slightly elevated mood in mania but ohhh sooo good still) It's pure & utter happiness, it's what we ALL want so if it happens, there's hope we can get there somehow. Could be wrong but worth a go, somehow figure how to get it milder, not so hectic & full on.
    Thought maybe by using the list of things to do, might give equillibrium mentally it's like Ying & Yang in cycles the biggly ups/downs then between, (for me anyway, dunno if others have that with BP) tho still walking. Goals are important aren't they. Bitsies happen but not getting things done that I believe I can succeed with like the art. TT (table tennis) happening slowly but ONLY in mania when all the goods for success romp through. IT's bloody magic

    thx for time & listening
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  23. Starwolf
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    28 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    It sure sounds like you have been giving this a lot of thought. Good on you for coming up with a plan. A lot is a matter of trial and error, isn't it ?

    Good to know that bitsies are happening. Eventually, they do build up into biggies. I agree that goals are important, as long as they're realistic. If not, "failure" to deliver will lead to feeling disheartened.

    Problems with NBN today, flickering on/off. A pain in the proverbial so keeping posts short.

    Wishing you a more even path.

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  24. demonblaster
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    28 September 2017 in reply to Starwolf
    Thx as always dear RockStar (don't even wanna abbrev that cause you're both)

    You had probs before with NBN i remember, bumma.

    Friend said a professor in that area of stuff was saying NBN's not as good as they're saying with few reasons that I don't remember but time will tell and new things take time to work out glitches, such massive data being used daily doesn't surprise me, they'll eventually sort it. Hope yours gets fixed sooner than later

    Beautiful "a more even path" thx at least my probs come and go mostly as opposed to so many that have ongoing chronic health 24/7 & MH daily.

    hope you're days are going well Star :)
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  25. demonblaster
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    28 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    SURVIVAL: This may not be for everyone but I think one of the keys is to understand depression to get on top.

    Certainly know how it makes us feel & learning more. One sure thing is it's VERY POWERFUL but no one would want it so why the hell do we have it. Starting to realise from it we can become stronger, learning how to slay it. Emotional control. Major hard but as the saying goes, no such word as can't. It's a biggly.

    What I don't get & hope to one day figure out why we have it. Could back up my belief that we're here to learn & mainly about ourselves, getting stronger, and God forbid, actually get on as a race Pfffftttt, we have to learn to move forward, to survive. Damn site easier if we work together in harmony.

    I think we're born with strength which creates our strong sense of survival.

    Believing it can be done helps

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  26. startingnew
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    28 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB

    Im not really sure what to write. My heads not really in a great space but i wanted to send you lots of hugs ❤❤❤💌💌💌

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  27. startingnew
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    28 September 2017
    Ps the envelope with love heart means sending love
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  28. demonblaster
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    28 September 2017 in reply to startingnew

    Thanks darlin, Love hugs and affection, right back at you & just sent you some in your thread just posted :)

    Good sleep tonight hun should make things a bit brighter

    Care xx

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  29. Peppermintbach
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    29 September 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    I just saw your earlier post. Lol. I appreciate that you have a sense of humour ;) Yep, my username is a cheeky pun that is, in part, based on a common mispronounciation of "bach."

    I read about your BP. I don't have BP personally but it does seem to have been a very rocky ride living with it. The cycling between mania and depression must really throw you; it sounds so exhausting and draining. Hugs...

    I am sorry for losing your beloved. That's always very painful and there are no words that can truly ease the pain. I hear your sense of loss...

    But I also admire your resilience and how you're trying to make the most of difficult experiences. You have this fire within to survive and make it.

    Keep survivin'

    Pepper xoxo

  30. demonblaster
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    29 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Some survival & Status: Thanks Peps (( ))

    What a lovely person you are supporting others when you're having a rough time yourself thanks sweet

    Yeah it is extremely exhausting tho I've got that down a little to not going past hitting the wall & pulling up before slamming it, but still hitting it I guess cause takes so long to catch up.

    Now that the valuable SOOOO needed sleep, the hard parts are coming on, but I'm determined to not let this one take me down & thx to Star saying she uses distraction when the bad thoughts come she doesn't engage in them, Looks around observes then to next thing ...seeing but not thinking It worked when a down plummet jumped in. Bloody hide of it, crashed my Yehaaa party, I smashed it (happy dance)
    Also I know it'll pass, It's the exhaustion that's getting a squeeze, sleeps the biggy gunna spend as much as po today & tomoz morn getting more. Ideally for quicker recovery need to do big day sleeps every day for week + otherwise it's up to 2/3 wks full recovery usually for me even when the manias shorter (usually about a wk for most people, can be extended even to mths)

    Appreciate seriously you taking an interest thankyou Peps, Ditto I'm wanting to learn about other peoples issues and esp people I care about here

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