Welcome to the multicultural experiences forum. This is a safe, respectful forum which aims to share experiences and provide support from people who are experiencing similar challenges and issues. I’m so glad you’ve reached out in the midst of your difficult situation.
You’re a new Mum. Your partner is not able or willing to share the huge responsibility of raising a child and seems may need support to accept the life changes a child brings. Escaping in his addictions and friends and pretending everything is as it was is probably his way of dealing (or not dealing) with the inevitable stress parenting brings.
It’s understandable that you can’t be a social butterfly, as you clearly stated, and wanting to settle down and spend quality time, nurturing your family relationships and focusing on your beautiful child which gives you so much love and purpose and inspiration.
This is an amazing time in your life as a couple and one of the most challenging as dynamics are changing and so do priorities. Most couples face this dilemma when first becoming parents -keeping the relationship going but also facing the enormous changes a newborn brings . Often, no one prepares us for such a tremendous life change.
Wondering if you are able to access supports like parent groups, playgroups, family counseling and various resources like parentzone, Parentline, lifeline and the confidential chat lines BeyondBlue offers in this page.
It is not unusual for mothers to experience post-natal depression as the hormones in the body go heywire after giving birth. Also, conflict with the partner is common as they are trying to deal with all these changes in their own way. Especially if addictions are at play, as you mentioned, things can be very blurry and complicated.Often the addict has a relationship with their addiction and if you stop enable them and divert your attention to something else, in this case your baby, then they’ll become distant or aggressive towards you as their primary needs are not getting met. So, it’s of outmost importance to look after your self as a priority and then your baby. Your partner is a big boy and he’ll cope.
Unfortunately, unless your partner recognizes his issues and addictions and is willing to do something about it to improve things for his own and your sake and your baby’s sake, there’s nothing you can do apart from looking after your own health, your rest and peace of mind so you can be in a position to provide for your baby.