I used to self haram from the ages of 13 to 15 and I’m now 20. I’ve been clean for 5 years but every time I get really low I start to think about self harming. I feel as though I can’t talk to anyone about it, I feel lonely at times because of my religious background and i know there’s no one who would understand.

I have a lot of family pressure and I’m not doing good in university, and having trouble saving money because I have to pay for bills. My mum is often hard on me and I’m struggling a lot with my mental health. Although I act and look like a normal happy young adult. I don’t want to talk to my mum about how I’m feeling because when she found out I was self harming when I was 15 she looked down on me and I feel a great deal of shame.

I’m honestly so lost! I don’t know what to do with my life. I’m scared that I’m going to be feeling the same years down the road. If suicide was an option I would 100% take it, but religiously we believe that “people who commit suicide go to hell”.

im just wanting some advice and want to know what I can do to stop me from having these thoughts!!!

Hi Ann

Welcome to the forums and well down for navigating your way here.
It takes a lot of courage to talk about self harm and suicide, I commend you for taking this step to seek support. You will always find support here, there are many people here on the forums that will read your thoughts and answer you.

I am so sorry that it has been a difficult time for you in your early teenage years and this caused you to self harm. It can be very stressful and an anxious time to feel lost and worried about the future but have you tried to think of what positive things you would like to have or do to move forward?

You say that for the last five years you haven't self harmed, it sounds like things were going well for you and you may have had some good, positive experiences.
Do you have any stories of things that were going well with you in this time? If so, how did you feel?

Ann, I think it would be good for you to see your GP who may be able to help you with your anxiety and stopping the thoughts. Would you like to talk to someone at Beyondblue? You can call anytime on 1300 224636.

It could help to talk to your mum, regardless of how hard you think she is, mum's still love their children unconditionally and I am sure that she would want to know if you were struggling so that she can help you.

Please keep talking to us here so that we can keep supporting you.

Hayfa

Hi Ann,

I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time right now. Welcome to the BB site, it took a lot of courage for you to reach out and I hope you will let us know how you are going in the future.

My daughter used to self harm when she was a teenager. The last time she did it we had to take her to emergency. I held her in the tightest hug and wouldn't let go. I told her that as her mum it was my duty to protect her from harm, but how could i do that when she's the one hurting herself.

This was 14 years ago and she covered the scars with a beautiful tattoo of a rose. Today she's studying to be a nurse and really enjoying herself with lots of friends.

I hope you can talk to your mum, I'm sure she wants to help but doesn't know how. Or maybe you could try your school councillor or GP. You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed, you just need ask for help. You're not alone.

Sending you love and strength.

Jen

Hi Ann, I recall feeling lost and alone at your age. I'd dropped out of uni at the time and my mum was so dissapointed in me. I started working and struggled with friendships. After a year of work I returned to Uni to study another course. I was able to focus better as I had made the decision this time to study. The second time around I was better able to maintain friendships I think because I was a little older and working for a year helped as well. I hope by the time you read this things have improved for you.