Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Multicultural experiences / Racism among gay community

Topic: Racism among gay community

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. YouCanCallMeAl
    YouCanCallMeAl avatar
    2 posts
    2 May 2019

    I'm a professional in my 20's and have, for the past few years struggled with finding a group of gay men who don't, to some degree, hold racist values. I am a person of colour of Middle Eastern descent and have really struggled with this. The racism I experience is not so much overt, but subtle exclusions from weekend parties, ghosting, turned backs at clubs and being made to feel that, if you're in a room with these people, you may well have been invited to the event, but in reality they don't give a rat's arse about who you are, what you have to say or do, they're all fake interactions.

    I have virtually no gay friends and sometimes I find it hard to decide if it's something to do with pent up shame that I avoid the gay scene now, or whether I feel worn down by being let down by the gay scene.

    I spent so many years of my early teens looking forward to being welcomed into the community, being told that 'its okay to come out, theres a community waiting for you' and then having broken through cultural family barriers coming out, I find out that the gay community I desperately want to be welcomed into have their own racist barriers.

    When I have dated guys, albeit only for short amounts of time, I've noticed that they often have a 'thing' for Middle Eastern guys with a portfolio of carbon copy hook ups that precede and follow me. It's quite distressing to see that I am actually the subject of their fetish rather than just seeing me for me. Should I be annoyed by that? Any advice about just surviving in the white gay man world?

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    3 May 2019 in reply to YouCanCallMeAl

    Hello,

    I’m not sure if I’m necessarily the best person to respond, but I still wanted to try supporting you...I hope that’s okay with you. I do apologise if I’m perhaps not what you’re looking for by way of a responder, but I still wanted to try talking to you...

    I’m a heterosexual woman of mixed Asian heritage, and admittedly I don’t know too much about the gay community. I’m ignorant in many ways, so I do apologise...but I’m willing to listen and I want to try to understand...

    Personally, I have experienced both overt and covert stereotyping, etc because of my cultural background. So, to some extent, I get what you’re saying about some of the covert behaviours...and I understand how hurtful and truly damaging that can be...

    It must have been so disheartening to not feel welcomed in the community as you had expected and probably really needed. Especially as you had to break through those cultural barriers to show the world who you truly are...culture can be uplifting at times and a heavy load at other times...

    Sorry, I admittedly don’t really have any advice. I mostly wanted to write because I really felt for you and aspects of your post resonated. In my experience, the fetishisinng that you mentioned also happens in the heterosexual dating scene/relationships.

    As a heterosexual women, I do know that some men are lovely and genuinely kind in the dating world. But I’ve also had bad experiences in the past, as have various female members of my extended family, where we have had (and have) men try to make passes along the lines of “Asian women are (insert stereotype, fetish, etc)” at us.

    On the surface, at a very superficial level, it seems like we are being flattered. But it’s not flattery and it’s certainly not respect, but it’s seeing us through a narrow lens. Not seeing us as complete humans with nuance and complexity. I suppose what I’m trying to say is, perhaps in some small way, I understand aspects of your pain...

    If you want to write again, it would be lovely to talk to you. No pressure though...

    Kind and caring thoughts,

    Pepper

    1 person found this helpful
  3. YouCanCallMeAl
    YouCanCallMeAl avatar
    2 posts
    3 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Thanks so much Pepper! Really appreciate the support! :)
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    3 May 2019 in reply to YouCanCallMeAl

    Hi YouCanCallMeAl,

    It’s so good to hear from you again :)

    Is it okay for me to ask have you been since your opening post?

    That being said, there’s no rush or pressure to reply, but just know you’re most welcome to talk here any time. It’s great having you on board.

    Kind and caring thoughts,

    Pepper

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up