I work in make dominated profession (as a woman) so I do believe boundaries are an important skill to learn. Coworkers can be very exciting, attractive people, but at some point you have to learn the skill of having some boundaries with them, if you hope to have a family and quality marriage with anyone at all.
I think you did pretty well putting some space between you your coworker and yourself, and I do agree with you that its right approach in this situation, even if you feel very torn about it sometimes. You just may need to give it more time, and try focus on your marriage and the woman you really know. Like Nat mentioned, you have most likely detached from your wife in various ways, and this will have impacted your relationship. There's some repair work to do there if you want that relationship to improve.
I know you're thinking along the lines of `should is stay or go', so here are some pros and cons to consider:
Pros: Exciting buzzy feeling of new love (it will fade after courtship, it always does)
Cons: Buzzy feeling is over and you are left with:
-A very hurt ex wife who invested 8 years of her life, love, energy into You. She will not be your friend.
-You will probably lose a lot of things you worked hard to earn over the years after divorce.
-There are many unknowns regarding the coworker, as she has not invested anything into you except to interfere with your marriage. As guilty as you feel, she has not behaved appropriately either. She knows you are married. Her role in your friendship, if she were a truly good woman, would have been supportive of your marriage, not divisive or coercive.
-She and her family are religious and cultural very different to you. You may not experience the deep level of acceptance from her that your wife gives you.
-You would have to start a relationship from scratch that may not work out. All the things you and your wife already figured out to make each feel happy, accepted, secure, and loved, are unknown with someone new.
-You will continue to work with attractive women at various times in your life. Unless you want the agony of multiple divorces and to put children through divorce and loss of their Dad, you will have to learn to have boundaries with attractive coworkers. Why not choose to learn your lesson now? Its a valuable, necessary lesson, and you have wisely made the first moves already. All you need to do is give it more space and time, and focus on your marriage.