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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / How do I stop fighting with my mum?

Topic: How do I stop fighting with my mum?

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. yutajp
    yutajp avatar
    1 posts
    22 November 2020
    So recently my mum, sister and I moved to get away from our emotionally abusive father. I'm not going to go into detail what he did but he is generally very controlling, manipulative and can't admit whenever he does or says something wrong.
    My mum and I have always been pretty close and never argued much but recently we've been disgreeing on a lot more things. For example, recently we went on a holiday and I was worried about leaving my cats at home (partly because we had just moved and partly because I've developed some sort of paranoia about something happening to them after multiple of them dying and also my father's threats to hurt them). Anyway, I was probably in a bit of a bad mood because of it but for some reason my mum took it the wrong way. On the way back we had an argument I don't remember exactly how it went but my mum said that I had been sad the whole trip and said something like "I'm still not allowed to do anything!"referring to how my father would try to stop us going places. So basically comparing me to my narcissistic father.
    I also recently deleted my instagram account because I wanted to separate my art account and my personal account (I can't explain why exactly, I just didn't like having them combined) but my mum saw this as a personal attack on her as if I didn't want her to see my art, which isn't the case at all.
    And when my sister and I try to explain things to her that she doesn't understand she gets offended and says things like "Ok, I'm sorry! I'm such a terrible mother, you just hate me.." I know it probably stems from trauma but I don't like how she seems to take it out on me. I don't think I'm saying or doing anything terriblr but I'm also scared to turn out like my father so maybe I'm doing it unaware. I just don't know why this is happening it just feels stupid that we're arguing after the situation we came out of but I don't know how to stop it.
  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    8221 posts
    22 November 2020 in reply to yutajp

    Hello yutaip and welcome to the forum.

    Thanks for reaching out.

    It must be hard for your mother and sister to have lived with your father and now trying to adjust to life with out him.

    I can see how you are all still hurting from how you have been treated. Your mum may feel guilty because of what you endured and her self esteem would be suffering after living with the abuse.

    You are all very sensitive and it will take time.

    Would your mother consider counselling for herself or for all of you?

    There are helplines for young people which you may like to call.

    Headspace. . They have clinics that are free as well as free online support. While their services are for those aged 12-25, friends and family can also jump in and get some help - perfect for worried parents so your mum could gets some support too.

    Kids Helpline, anyone under the age of 25, have a free 1:1 webchat  and a 24/7 number 1800 55 1800

    You sound very caring and understanding. I think you all need time to adjust and it is good you are aware of how the move has affected your mother.

    Just moving alone is stressful not to mention the life you lived before.

    Feel free to post as much as you like. You are not alone and there is support here.

    1 person found this helpful

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