I’m 18 yrs old and i’m studying nursing... I have not been clinically diagnosed with PTSD but i think i have it. It started when I found out I had half sister(dad side) when I was 15yrs old and she was few days older than me. Me and my dad had always been very close to each other we have very great relationship, so it was very shocking to me I felt like the person who I trust most and the person I looked up to growing up and everything was just a lie to me. I had this massive trust issue. I felt betrayed by my family on my dad’s side. And my mom who ofc was hurt the most at that time just told me after 3 days to just forgive my dad and just be thankful that he chose to take care of us. I wasn’t happy about it but i felt terrible looking at my dad I saw how sorry he was and he told us he couldnt tell my mom coz he was sure back then that she’d leave her. Anyways time went by and I’ve forgiven him but the scar just stayed in there.

I have been dating this guy for 3yrs now and he knows bout my dad. But the beggining of our relationship was not very well (at some ways). He’s very lovely man, whenever we’re together he seems to treat me right and everything else. Everyone who knows us personally thinks we’re like the ‘couple goals’ but that’s not rlly it behind those between our 1st to 2nd yr together... he have this huge feeling on one of my friendd. I knew bout this before we even started dating... we became so toxic as he would tell me how he’s not over her yet then we would have a huge fight then we’ll get back together then 3-4 months latur he’ll admit that he tries to get over her but then She will always have a part in his heart. (They never dated, they were just close to each other but she never liked him) then this pattern went on for about 1 and half yr. (WE’RE OKAY NOT AS A COUPLE BUT MAYBE NOT ME) I know my problem is not as big as everyone else here but this really affected me big time to the point that my trust issue is really bad ANd i wasnt like this before. I’m always open. I just doubt everything (i try not to but because of the things thats going on in my head im like going crazy) but anyways recently i’ve been having nightmares about it. Im getting lots of flashbacks (broad daylight and night) whenever something inconvinient happens or something reminds me bout it. I start to cry and it just keeps hunting me. I want all of this to end. Also i noticed i tend to like forget things reacently but i couldn’t forget the feeling it caused me.

Hi and welcome Fritz;

I'm sorry to hear you've been hurt by this situation. Hearing about your Dad's other daughter would've been quite a shock. Talking about it on here is a really healthy way to nut out your deep feelings; it takes courage to reach out for help so well done. 👍

Fortunately for you, (in my opinion) you don't have PTSD, however unresolved issues still linger to torment you by the sounds of it.

Knowing there's someone else out there who's inside your dad's and bf's heads and can't be taken away, must make you feel pretty helpless. No matter what you do, say or think, you can't change things.

Both men in your life are carrying love for someone else and you don't know what to do about it yet. This double-header would be difficult to face at your young age, so I'm not surprised it's swirling around your mind like a tornado.

Talking with dad about your feelings of not being his (only) little girl anymore might help both of you understand where to go next. From my perspective this is probably the cause of your suffering.

Asking him to reassure you that he still loves you as he always did might help you feel better. After-all, he's known about her all this time and still loved you. There's nothing different now except he's disclosed this information; you're still his number one daughter.

With your bf, things are a bit more complicated. If your quarrels have been about this fantasy girl, then it's not going to go away anytime soon. You need to decide what's best for you and your future; stay or leave.

It's not that simple I know, but it must be playing on your mind, and as you're so young and inexperienced with this type of conflict, your confidence and trust in 'yourself' is probably what's causing issues.

You've never had to confront such adult concepts before; this is a learning opportunity and like all of us, growth can only be attained through trial and error. It's hard, but it's a fact of life.

You can approach these issues as a confused and wounded little girl, or treat each as an adult who has the rest of your life to learn so much more about problem solving and protecting yourself from emotional pain.

I'll check in each day to see if you've responded. I'd like to discuss trust next time if that's ok.

Warm thoughts;

Sez

Hi @Just Sara

I am really confused about your response. I agree with your opinion, it's not PTSD, but I have a question to ask, because quite frankly, everyone who is around me in real life thinks the same thing (and I'd hate to assume things, so I want to get this straight before I get offended).

What do you mean, "treat each as an adult who has the rest of your life to learn so much more about problem solving and protecting yourself from emotional pain"?

Do you think people who protect themselves from pain are weak? Do you think it's childish to suffer from PTSD?

Because I get faced with comments from people in-real-life:

• Get over it
• Move on, don't hold onto the past
• You're being childish
• Flashbacks are tantrums
• It's life just deal with it
• Kids are supposed to get physically punished when deemed necessary
• Not all men are bad (which this is 100% true, but I don't think people need to comment on that.

Just wondering, because I need to know if there are in fact, people on here that think the same as these people.

Thankyou for your important feedback; it's much appreciated.

Your dot points are absolutely on the button as far as 'observers' go. I've heard the very same things from my own family. However, that wasn't what I was saying in my post.

I just re-read my response and looked at that sentence with doubt before I even read your post, so I'm not surprised you took it that way. Unfortunately it doesn't express my sentiments clearly.

Deep feelings of disappointment are a fact of life. It's how 'we' deal with them that makes or breaks us. This ideally should be taught by parents/caregivers in childhood, but isn't routine in this day and age. Many young people don't know how to cope which is understandable.

The same cannot be said about sufferers of PTSD or Complex PTSD. (My diagnosis) These are caused by fear for one's life, either during one event or many horrible situations over a long period of time.

I'm very sorry you've been treated like that. The reason? Because people don't want to deal with the truth as it's too hard, and also feel helpless to support someone in so much emotional anguish.

Learning how to ask for what you want from others is a difficult task for many. I'm able to speak up now, but it took a long time through trial/error, forgiving myself at first when I was a bit clumsy, learning from my mistakes and focusing on recovery as my priority. In this respect, selfishness goes a long way.

Not all my family took that stance and some of the ones that did don't bother saying insensitive things anymore. My mum who never spoke to me for 18 months when I disclosed what happened, is now a staunch ally. We have to teach people how to be this way. It's not fair I know, but our future requires this approach to survive.

I understand it's hard enough surviving our past let alone teaching people to cope with us as well. Once these lessons are learned though, life becomes easier.

I'm open to anything you want to say to me. I'm here for you...

Kind thoughts;

Sez