Hi all,

Wasn't really sure what forum to put this in but was wondering if anyone knows any resources (especially online, since the covid-restrictions) for, or has any experience of dealing with childhood-trauma but with memory loss?

I have a really good psychologist but would otherwise probably be looking for something like a support group also - if there are any?

So as to not be triggering (hopefully) - I was already aware there was an environment of abuse in my childhood but had only remembered two moments but I've just learnt more about it from a family member in the last 2 days - including the duration the abuser would've been in my life - and I'm finding it very hard to process her emails, partly because I don't remember it.

(I was of an age that you'd normally remember.)

As the family member wasn't present physically, we can only cover so much and the information I have is regarding things I would've either witnessed or been in the place when it happened, if that makes sense, it's not towards myself (so unsure if abuse resources covers that) and it's also I guess not a PTSD-issue (as I don't remember)?

If anyone wants to comment or has any tips that might be helpful, it would be much appreciated.

Hey delirium,

Welcome to our friendly online community. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you have reached out here tonight. We're so sorry to hear what you've been through, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this difficult time.

If you feel up to it, we'd recommend getting in touch with the Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer support and help point you in the right direction for help and groups in your area.

You can also find out more information on support groups available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

Please feel free to keep checking in here on your thread and let us know how you're going whenever you feel ready.

Hello delirium,

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry about what you have had to face in your childhood and hope you can get the support you need. Apart from the resources Sophie_M has suggested, you can also try contacting the Blue Knot Foundation at 1300 657 380. They specialise in childhood trauma. You can also check out their website: https://www.blueknot.org.au/

You can be traumatised by things you have seen, even if the abuse wasn't directed at you. From what you have shared, it sounds like you have been affected by the events of your childhood, and it's good that you're taking steps towards processing what has happened and healing.

I hope you get the help you need. Do check in with us whenever you feel comfortable enough to.

Take care,
M

Hi and my apologies for the late response,

Possibly this would be better as a separate thread - so feel free to let me know and I can make one - but other than the suggestions above (I have spoken to the Blue Knot foundation previously, although it was before I was made aware of more past details) - I was wondering if any member had personal advice on just day-to-day living?

I had a severe panic attack at work start of the year and following that had to be put on sick leave (and lost my job). Started seeing my psychologist around April (hadn't seen one before) and had a break-down/break-through moment in June - had been very loosely given a bipolar diagnosis ages ago but never talked to anyone about my history...have since become very apparent that what I'd experienced for that diagnosis didn't fit and that trauma seems to be the cause for my various symptoms/issues.

One thing in particular I find very hard is talking about trauma (as in with people who are not professionals) - not as in what's happened necessarily but explaining why and how it still effects me without it seeming like "clinging to the past"...

I've been exposed to sexual and physical violence second-hand (towards my mom and another woman) but also verbal/emotional/psychological/neglect before and after this period, by the same parent who suffered the abuse...

I have zero contact with my mom (it's not proven possible, since whatever childhood trauma she may have suffered to cause how she acts or possible mental diagnosis isn't something she's willing to talk about/seek help for), no dad and no siblings.

I would like to have a happy life, but in between "losing a parent" who's still alive, accepting that the one family member I saw myself as close to isn't actually a ray of sunshine but has been using that as a way to not deal with negativity (so I don't feel I can really talk to her) and dealing with things like disassociation, I find that I can act "well" to various extents but I never really FEEL well?

Sorry for the long post but if anyone has something they do daily that they've found helps (doesn't have to be daily), I do find because I disassociate quite frequently that things like meditation would actually make things worse..I have got some sensory toys to try to "ground myself" but practical tips would be much appreciated

Or just how you deal with "moving on" without just feeling fake I suppose