Please feel welcomed here, it is a
good and gentle place where others can directly relate to your experiences. I’m
please you have already met Sophie_M who has given you the 1800 Respect number
and site. They are excellent, sympathetic and knowledgeable.
not give yourself a label, “fawn” or anything else. It is limiting and categorizes
you whereas in fact you are a unique human being, and one I think is much
stronger than you describe yourself.
had a horrible set of experiences, and you have found that there are people
who, unlike yourself, have no empathy for others, are pure out and out self-centered
and will use whatever way they can to get what they want. Truth is a stranger to them, lies are their
There is no
way without experience you can identify these people straight away, it is
something you discover over time.
they are a new sort of person. You are not taught about those personality types
in class, and I’m pretty sure you would not have become familiar with them in
your home as you were growing up.
So you were
in a strange land, where you do not see the full picture, did not know how to
react. Now living and re-living it all in your mind you start to blame
yourself, for ‘giving in’ or ‘avoiding trouble’ or possibly even finding some
things acceptable. Sadly self-blame seem
to be built into us, even though not deserved.
This all really
comes down to learning about yourself from experience, and as a result having better
ways to deal with toxic people.
is not straightforward -though it is often painted that way, but a learning
process, hopefully learned together with someone that cherishes you.
you were with a user, one that knew what buttons to press to make you behave as
You talk of
ignoring red flags, until you have been there you do to know they are red flags
at best just vague warnings. As for
being silly, you gave him the flick, exactly right and why I say you have
strength. Your final question, you can see
from the above it was far from right, it was predatory and cruel.
I would be delighted
if you felt you could continue to talk here with us