I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and its been something that I've been struggling with for a while. Back in November 2019, i was sexually assaulted which really rocked me. I was 17 at a party with my friends, i had a few drinks and got isolated with a guy who would't stop. This has left me questioning myself as a person, and to be honest, hate myself. I blame myself for what happened even though i know i shouldn't.
Currently, i'm struggling with dealing mechanisms. Self harm is something that i struggle with and I am now 18, and with that comes many responsibilities. I now have easy access to drugs and alcohol. A privilege which i am abusing and i'm struggling to stop. Not only have i been using that as a coping mechanism, i feel the need to validate myself, and i suppose i feel that I'm not worth anything much apart from a piece of meat for boys. This has lead to me doing things i wish i didnt which has further made me hate myself.
If im honest its getting to the stage where i dont know what to do anymore. I've tried so many things to stop. Please if you're reading this, dont ever do what i have done. It turns into a painful cycle. You're worth so much more.
I thought that possibly telling my story and opening up about where i am, someone else could feel less alone. Please just know that even though i cant see it right now, i know it has to get better. It has to. Please reach out for help because you're never alone, and if you're reading this i suppose that you're on the right track. You're worth it so keep fighting.