Update: chooks, dogs, LDR, rooves, kids and other "fun" things.
I'm pushing the pressure, of so many things weighing on me, away as much as I can atm.
This poodle has a mean BARK on him!
Counselling on Tuesday... doing ok. Just feeling the pressure & not liking it much atm.
I'm worried about my friends who lost their children, about p.son, about our roof - about finances to FIX it blah blah blah. Tax returns, 30h so far... ugh.
It's not easy parenting this many children alone but it's WAY easier without a lunatic involved.
At least we HAVE money to eat now!
Feeling very frustrated with BF.
I don't want to talk to him. He doesn't "get" what's going on here & tbh I hate him lecturing me on things he has ZERO idea about ie my life.
I know he feels bad when we don't talk but right now?
I can't handle it.
It's too much & I can't manage the "stupid" place we go to when I'm not 100% present, just immeasurably distracted with REALLY pressing, urgent things like a leaking roof.
If I hear "In America we ALL ...." one more time, I'll scream lol.
LIKE ALL Americans?? Yeah right, no silent army fella.
That r/ship - too hard basket atm.
I want to GRAB the times my kids WANT to spend with me... it's so rare for parents of teens!
Today is for Yvette & me too, she asked me for it.
Tomorrow night is for Alexa - to be videoed for her assignment.
I'm also sick of spending hours on the phone with BF, missing my WHOLE day.
It's fine for him, it's night there when we talk.
He's HAD his day.
I'd like company in the evenings too, but it ain't there.
In fact that's probably not true!
I NEED my own time.
I may not even want a partner... like at all.
THAT thought is kinda new to me.
I had it 100% after D Day. I had other offers but YUCK NO! I ran for the hills.
Then met BF, an incredibly amazing man.
Poodle liked his beef leftovers for brekky lol. Now he's quiet.
IDK, I'm thinking a solitary life is nice. Peaceful, gentle, calm. Except for rooves caving in ofcourse lol. The usual palaver partner or not.
Maybe I've had too many ppl in my personal space for too many years?
I've definitely had it up to HERE with ppl telling me what to do! Not here btw lol... just IRL ppl talking to me like I'm a 3yo.
It feels GOOD knowing that, as my kids are growing up, my CHOICES are expanding.
IDK if I want another husband.
Gosh that sounds ungrateful!
But just because someone OFFERS, doesn't make it the RIGHT choice.