Hi,

I am posting here as I have no idea what to do.

Heres a brief account of what happened to me. Late 2017 I was involved in an incident while at work where I mistakenly put myself in between a violent male and a woman and her child. In doing so I ended up being physically attacked.

Everything seemed fine in the following weeks.

Approximately 4 or 5 weeks after something switched in my head. Severe anxiety, depression, stress manifested out of nowhere. This affected me severely. I have approached GP's, attended psychologist and they all have diagnosed me with PTSD but have done nothing to help me address the problem. I feel that these people only prolong the agony to make as much profit from it.

Since then everything has gone from bad to worse, I have gone from working where I did make quite a good living to being homeless, living out of a tent, constant anxiety, heart feels like its ready to jump out of my chest most of the time. I don't eat, I haven't had a full nights sleep in 2 years. This is not living, what is the point.

Hi NateMcNate

I am so very sorry to hear that you are suffering and that your whole life has been impacted as a result of ultimately trying to do the right thing.

PTSD is a very serious and very frightening disorder as you are experiencing, the feelings and thoughts are as a result of you going through trauma and putting your body and mind through an event that is foreign to you, it is a very common response to a very abnormal or terrifying experience. You have done nothing wrong and it is so very common for people who have gone through a traumatic event to have some impact from it. I am just so sad that it has caused you to be homeless and that it has impacted your ability to work and eat and sleep, I can hear how overwhelmed you are and so very exhausted.

I kind of feel like after having experienced grief and loss that it is kind of the same as going through trauma, and what has helped me so very much is talking, being here in this space and sharing my thoughts and feelings and hearing how others are coping and welcoming their support and comfort.

If you feel that you are not satisfied with the conversation and outcome that you got from the doctor it would be worthwhile perhaps seeing if you can make an appointment with a different one and hopefully they will be able to give you some solid advice how to move through this time and deal with these symptoms.

I am not sure if I have been helpful to you but if you would like to chat some more and even talk some more we are here for you.

Hugs

AS

Hi NateMcNate

Welcome to bb and thank you for trusting us with your story.

I am so sorry that you didn't receive the right help in your initial time of need. The consequences of this "system" failure for you have been significant and again I am sorry. You deserved so much more.

I really feel it important to address your homelessness as a matter of priority. Do you feel strong enough to attemp this?

If so, please visit your local Salvos and talk through your situation with a representative. They should be able to offer housing assistance and they also have legal services.

I mention this because your injury occured at work, which means you can make a Work Cover claim. You may not be ready to deal with this at present but just keep it mind for when you are ready, as I'm sure any financial assistance would be welcomed. Equally you may be entitled to victims of crime compensation but you will need legal advice to make this determination.

If talking to the Salvos seems daunting, please call the bb support line on 1300 22 4636 and they will be able to help you take the next steps with regard to accessing social services and your mental health.

Life can get better but you need to approach this one step at a time. How do feel about first working to get a place to stay? Do you have any family or friends that could help you?

Kind thoughts to you

Hi,

Thanks for your reply’s.

I have reached out to people and organisations with no luck, it seems my situation falls in a grey area which doesn’t qualify for help.

I have applied for social housing in all the east coast states which we all know takes years and due to being forced out if my job after they found out about my condition I was unable to pay rent at my last place which has now left a black mark against my tenant record. This makes it near impossible to get a place, never mind the perfect tenancy record I had previously.

I did post some stuff on social media relating to my problems hoping someone would reach out, instead all I got was people thinking it was a joke, people making stupid comments. Heaven forbid that I can have any serious problems.

I have no close family or friends to reach out to, well as I said earlier I attempted to reach out and nobody took it seriously.

I attempted to access my super early but being homeless, suffering from a mental disorder doesn’t qualify.

I spoke to lifeline, the lady on the phone was not interested and couldn’t wait to hang up, I assume they are on some kind of call time limit.

Im just sick of rejection, I’m sick of being told I’m not good enough or don’t meet the criteria.

Regarding GPs, I’ve been to multiple. Was on a Medicare mental health plan, the 2 psychologists I did see did not help, I felt worse every time I left that office. Was prescribed 2 different medications which only had negative effects so I stopped.

I have no options left, no where to go, no where to be, no one to turn to.

It’s a losing battle.

also touching on the workcover and victims of crime issue. Workcover denied psychological treatment hence why I had to go on the medicate mental health care plan.
I have been dealing with victims of crime for over 2 years now with no result. All victims of crime do is prolong the misery. I do not recommend applying for Victims of crime no matter how good they make it sound. the victims of crime compensation would of helped if it was there but am still waiting.

there is also a claim against workcover ongoing with my victims of crime lawyer but again that will take years and is best just forgotten about.

I have visited every avenue I know of with zero result.

Hello NateMcNate

I understand the pain you are experiencing after this horrible incident. I went through the same when I was in the middle of an altercation with a violent female and her partner....It can make our life very difficult for sure

You mentioned that you have severe anxiety and Depression. That is a dark place to be in Nate...not good at all

Just as per my own personal experience you would qualify for early superannuation release with your circumstances they way they are Nate. There is ton of paperwork yet its worth it

I understand everyone has varying levels of anxiety and depression. Can I ask if your symptoms have a detrimental effect on your day to day well being and your ability to function as you used to?

I hear you about Workcover.....Thats a minefield to be a part of...Ugh!

This is my 23rd year seeing my GP every 4-6 weeks for a 'fine tune' Recovery from these awful symptoms can take a long time to recover from....not to mention the patience and determination thats required as well...

please take care

Paul

Hi NateMcNate

I read your post with deep saddness. You are in a dark place and really doing it tough and I can understand why you feel hopeless.

I am angry that the mental health system let you down so badly. Unfortunately this experience is common and I understand the frustration first hand.

I care for my daughter who has anxiety and OCD and we went through it all too--a GP who didn't get it, meds that made her more unwell and a psychiatrist whose "treatment" made things worse. It took time and effort but we persevered and eventually found the right people and treatment to help. Today she is in recovery. As hard as it is, I encourage you to keep trying. It can get better.

It was the people from the beyondblue support line that helped me. I called many times and always received kindness and good advice. I understand you are tired of not being helped and feeling rejected but hand-on-heart I'm confident this service will care. The number is 1300 22 4636.

It's good that you are on the lists for public housing but I fear the wait will be too long and that this will further impact your mental health. I'm wondering if this "grey area" you say you fall into is open to interpretation and if maybe it would be worth trying again?

I'm just thinking it might be possible that you haven't yet met the right person to help you. Have you tried the Salvos or Anglicare?

I'm glad you have sought assistance through WC and victims of crime because you deserve it. Once again I understand the systems are arduous but persevere because a postive outcome or outcomes could change your life.

I want you to know that you are not alone. You have been heard and people care.

Kind thoughts to you

Hi Paul,

Thank you for your reply.

i find it very hard to open up about this, I tried to be honest with my last employer regarding my condition and they forced me out for my troubles, this had a severe effect on what I was already dealing with.

Before the incident I was a completely different person. I was very social, alway positive, always happy, successful in my job, was in a great relationship. The years after I found that most people completely dismiss you when you reach out for help, don’t take you seriously. I now avoid people completely, I don’t answer the phone, I shop as late at night as possible when I can build enough confidence in myself to get out, this was before I became homeless. Just thinking of this sends the anxiety through the roof.

Becoming homeless took away the last sliver of security I had, the roof over my head.

Panic attacks are a common occurrence now, I am able to breathe my way out of them mostly, other times it takes physical pain to stop it.

unfortunately for me I don’t have family of friends to turn to, I thought I did but turns out I don’t. Apparently I’m just having a whinge according to them.

very hard to describe it exactly, constantly feel sick in the stomach. There are moments where I become focused but that is quickly erased with uncertainty, with doubt.

I’m just not sure I can be helped.

Hi Summer Rose,

thanks for the reply.

i am unable to speak with people on the phone, I tend to go into a panic and unfortunately I have no support person to do this on my behalf.

The workcover and Vic of Crimes has only made things worse prolonging everything related to the incident.

i just have to accept the fact that the choices I made put me in this position and accept the consequences whatever they may be.

Oh Nate I hear you 100%!

having been in a somewhat similar situation, it feels so demeaning and leaves you feeling totally worthless and helpless when the ‘support systems’ everyone is recommending do nothing to help, or you have to wait so long that instead of things getting better they end up getting a lot worse! It can seem like a horribly cruel world ... but as long as you can find love then there is still a speck of light in the darkness. Find something that you love to power you to keep going. For me it has been my pets who keep me going.

like Summer Rose said - you just haven’t met the right person or thing to help you yet.

i can hear you are exhausted, but give yourself the love and time to be able to take baby steps forward. Don’t give up seeking out help because you deserve it!

metaphorically I have clawed myself out of some very deep dark places with very little help from anyone. The hardest part is hanging in there when you know it’s going to be a long, rough road ahead.
if I can do it, so can you :) we are all here to support you and we believe in you!! hang in there <3

Hi NateMcNate

The choice you made in 2017 was brave and honourable. Your instincts were to protect and help, and it took courage, strength and integrity to act. I think you are an amazing human being.

The consequences for you are not right. This world can be a crazy, mixed up place at times and we all know it's not fair. But I truly believe that as people we can make it easier for others to survive and thrive by being kind.

I really would like to help you. I understand that you can't make phone calls. It is very hard to advocate for yourself when you're unwell. I really can't even imagine how hard this is for you without friends or family to help.

If you want, I can make some calls for you to get some general information about what supports are available in your local area. You would still have to call yourself at some point, but maybe it would be easier???

Of course, you would have to be comfortable disclosing where you live and having a very public conversation about it. Think about it.

If nothing else, I am here to encourage you and remind you that you matter.

Hugs to you x

Hi Nate McNate

Don't know if you're still around but I wanted to wish youva happt New Year. My hope foe you is that 2020 is a year of hope.

You've been on my mind with all the fires and extreme heat around the country. I hope you are safe.

Kind thoughts to you

Hi Summer Rose,

Thank you and I hope you had a good new year.

Not a good start to 2020 unfortunately but I didn't expect it to be any better than the previous year.

I was at my worst a couple of weeks ago, ended up receiving a welfare call from the Police.

I wasn't able to see my son or get any Christmas presents for him due to this whole homeless situation I'm in which is very hard to deal with.

I have approached many places for help over the past month or so but I am always turned away, I seem to always fall just outside the criteria for help, forever living in this grey area, forever invisible.

Regarding my Victims of Crime application, I am required to attend a hearing at the start of Feb to once again relive the whole incident and everything that followed in the past 2 years. This will yet be another situation where I am told I don't fall within the criteria. Stress and anxiety have hit the roof just knowing I have to travel back to that place to attend.

I just don't see anything getting better in the foreseeable future, I have stopped looking for any help as I cant handle another rejection.

 

 

my only suggestion is to find a trauma specialist. You can find one near you via victims services in NSW, but I am sure there is something similar in your state. I found a very good psychologist through them and she is no end of help. She helped me apply for an additional 22 free sessions paid for by victims services on top of the mental health care plan. She has additional training to deal with trauma ... I dont know where I would be without her.

Also there are advocacy services who should be able to support you though the victims processes from a legal standpoint.

I hope there are more positives in this year than previous. You deserves a better outcome than what you have been put through

Hi Nate

Life isn't fair or easy at times and it sure takes us through some unexpected twists and turns. I can really empathise with how hard it is for you to cope with all that has happened and all that you have lost.

When I was 17, living a full life and about to embark on university study, I was hit by a drunk driver. The car accident left me with a broken back, head trauma, neck injuries and more. I was angry at the world. I felt I had lost everything.

I didn't want to face recovery, as I was afraid. What would happen if the therapy didn't work? Then I realised the alternative to trying was a life in a wheelchair.

I came to understand that while life was tough, it was also good, and my best life was worth the fight. Eventually I did learn to walk again, got to uni and got on with living.

It's okay to rest--we all do at times-- and I will sit with you in friendship while you do. But when you are ready I will also help you try again. Because no matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes, sometimes we just have to plough on.

A place to start might be finding you a way out of the "grey area". Finding a way to share your truth in a way that breaks through this barrier. I would really like to brainstorm this with you and would be interested in your thoughts.

Sending nothing but kindness to you

Hi all,

It's been a while since posting here, maybe 6 months or so. I was stuck in a little country town in mid-west NSW while the lockdown was happening.

At the time I thought the isolation would be beneficial to helping me figure out why I had fallen so far into this black hole. It did help calm the social anxiety that I suffer due to the lack of people around and helped realise that I have been suffering mental illness been a lot longer than I first thought, I also identified some triggers and what I did wrong in the past. A positive is that I am no longer homeless. At the time I thought being homeless was a major contributor to my mental health issues but have found it wasn't at all.

I have noticed one of my major triggers is when I think back to the people I have pushed away in my life, the relationships I have ruined, the choices I made. Regret really puts a deep hole in my stomach, my head becomes cloudy, I get a headache, and panic sets in. I decided to reach out to some of the people I pushed away hoping to explain why I was so distant, why I had walls up, why I pushed them away. Unfortunately, that did not go down well as I was met with anger, blame and name-calling amongst other things. Of everything that was said the one comment that hurt the most was that I was "selfish", not because it was insulting but because of the way I dealt with mental illness which I did not realise I had at the time made this comment completely true. I had become so withdrawn that it seemed to them that I didn't care about anyone but myself. I was always negative and a lot of the time I would zone out and wasn't listening at all. Of course, this was not intentional, going into a dazed state was just a random thing that happened, I still can't explain why it happened.

I am now wondering if a lot this is due to distancing myself from people. I don't have a social circle, I don't have any hobbies, It's impossible to hold any interest in anything, I am mostly alone which I know is not a good thing. My issue is I find it extremely hard to meet and greet with new people as I am afraid of being judged, I am afraid that I am not good enough to be included, I am afraid that I will push them away like I have everyone else.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, baby steps.

I have one person I consider close but don't want to burden her with my issues.

I am now seeing a psychologist but has only been a couple of sessions.

Thank you for listening, it does help.

Hi NateMcNate :)

Just wanted to start with saying that your reaction at the time when or after your trauma happened was expressed though negative thoughts and emotions, or a negative frame of mind, you were not yourself, this was something that happened to you and therefor you do not have to apologise for it and you do not have to explain yourself.

It is terrible to be in a position where others judge you for something you didn't even do wrong and was out of your control, I remember I was in that position myself, where others just didn't "get it". I got so tired of trying to explain things to people, so I instead let it all go, I allowed the people who were not helping be as they were and I moved on. It was a huge relief, there was no resentment or hatred, just simply letting go and stop trying to explain something that which happened in the past that I couldn't then and still can't in the present moment change. Things are as they are and always will be. Accepting that was uplifting for me. I hope perhaps you can find some way of letting go and moving as well.

It sounds like your are already on the path to recovery, even though it may not feel like it, you mention you now have awareness of your thoughts (past and present), emotions and triggers, in other words you are beginning to awaken and your mind is no longer controlling you.

It is a very strange feeling to be able to look back on yourself as though you are looking at someone else in the past that no longer exists. Which in a sense is kind of true, you are not the person you were before, you are the person you are now, that of which is a very wise and beautiful person to be.

Also, don't be concerned with other people at this stage, just focus on yourself, in time you will connect with people again, but not because you want to or because you need to, it will just happen when it is the right time to do so.

Hope this helps somewhat. :)

Hi NateMcNate

It is so nice to hear from you again! Learning of your progress really touched my heart and I feel really happy for you. You have come a long way, my friend. You should be so proud of yourself.

Dealing with regret is really hard. It's a universal battle for us humans to learn to let things go, even when we know we must to be able to move forward. But something tells me you can do this. Please, be kind to yourself.

You are good enough, Nate. In fact, you're better than good enough, you're an inspiration. You have a home again. You are receiving treatment. You have a close friend. You have incredible insight and courage. There is so much to celebrate.

You just keep moving forward with your head held high because on any measure that matters you are a star.

I'm glad this forum helps you. Thank you for letting me be a small part of your struggle and success because that, in turn, helps me too.

Kind thoughts to you