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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / Over being judged & misunderstood

Topic: Over being judged & misunderstood

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. TBella
    TBella avatar
    196 posts
    2 May 2017

    Well I emailed my sister last night to share a breakthrough I had re: not feeling like I have fight against grief or fight for happiness- I just accept both will come.

    My sister emails me back giving me long lecture on happiness is a choice, we make our own happiness. I emailed her back to explain that it's not as simple as a choice to be happy when you have mental illness. I explained my experience in the last 5 years with PTSD, in order to help her understand. She sends me an angry email back saying she doesn't believe in all that stuff- mental illness, PTSD are just labels so you don't have to take responsibility for your life & can play the victim coz safe being a victim & she hopes her email makes me angry, angry enough to stop being a victim.

    Ouch!!! It really hurts, I made myself so vulnerable & she shut me down! I'm fed up being told how I should feel or not feel!

    And now I'm worried for her kids, as two of them have shared with me their own struggles with mental illness & how they tried to talk to their mum but she shuts them down because she refuses to accept mental illness is real- according to her mental illness is a choice! Yeah we choose to have PTSD coz it's safe! Pfft! Ask anyone with PTSD & they will tell you they don't feel safe. The most concerning thing about all this is she is a nurse! Clearly classically text book trained.

    It makes me feel sad &I isolated - like no one gets me or understands! It makes me want to never open up & share how I'm really feeling coz I'm sick of dealing with ignorance, arrogance & people intolerance to accept people with mental illness. And I'm over Being judged by people especially family who don't even take the time to see how I am or what's going on in my life.

    Im feeling pretty raw tonight & like hiding for the rest of my life!

  2. Peace Seeker
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Peace Seeker avatar
    63 posts
    2 May 2017 in reply to TBella

    Tbella... ouch indeed!

    Its so crushing that your sister thinks that way and treats you like that. 😣

    Im glad you posted here though. I've heard rubbish like that before. I know it hurts but it's also big load of crap. I don't understand how someone who works in medicine doesn't believe in mental illness 🤔

    We love our family and more than anything want them to understand and be empathic or supportive of us overcoming our challenges and illness. Unfortunately we can't make them understand and the reality not many people ever will. But that's why you us and beyond blue.

    Youll always get understanding here.

    i do hope your sister comes around one day.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. TBella
    TBella avatar
    196 posts
    2 May 2017 in reply to Peace Seeker

    Thank you Peace Seeker 😊

    its very true that you can't make people understand- just sad when it comes from family. But today I realised that I need to accept I'm never going to have a relationship with my sister! It's her issue not mine.

    Makes it tricky as she is coming over here & staying with me- her eldest daughter lives with me. So for the sake of her daughter I will keep my mouth shut & be courtesy but once she goes back home, I won't be bothering with my sister, sadly for my own health & wellbeing I have to let my sister go!

    Anyway thank you for your kind words, understanding & support, it helps a lot 😊

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Lonelydan
    Lonelydan  avatar
    325 posts
    2 May 2017 in reply to TBella
    Hi tbella, sounds like your sister is not one to count on for support. Maybe there's a denial on her metal health as she doesn't acknowledge your own. I'm feeling your services as a aunt are going to be desperately needed in the near future I'm glad you're thinking of her children. I believe you and hope you don't stop opening up and sharing. Danny...
  5. TBella
    TBella avatar
    196 posts
    2 May 2017 in reply to Lonelydan

    Thank you Danny

    i think your spot on that she is in denial about her own issues! My family are experts at denial, sticking head in sand & pretending it's ok!

    I on the other had have always been real & honest & maybe that's too raw & confronting for my family! I come from proud military clan so feelings are seen as weakness! But I am not ashamed to say I have a mental illness- ironically from my families dis function but hey that's life!

    Ive learned boundaries are very important!

    Thanks again Danny, appreciate it!

  6. Peace Seeker
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Peace Seeker avatar
    63 posts
    2 May 2017 in reply to TBella

    TBella

    yes when it's family it hurts the most doesn't it ? 😔

    Sometimes just keeping the peace is the best way to go. Pick your battles.

    And take care of yourself. ✌️💕

    Its only speculation but maybe lonelydan is right. Perhaps your sisters rejection of your illness is merely reflecting her own inability to deal with her own demons.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. TBella
    TBella avatar
    196 posts
    3 May 2017 in reply to Peace Seeker
    Yes Peace Seeker, you are exactly right ✌️❤😊

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