Dear Flower Earth Angel~
I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you back here to the Forum. I've read of your troubles over the last couple of years and know life has not been fair. I'm very sorry to read your about your ear damage, and pain, did you end up getting the matter of your tooth sorted out? I do hope so.
Wanting to meet someone, have kids and life a life with support and love is something many of us realy want. Also of course the chance to support that other person ourselves too -a very special feeling. 35 is a good age in a lot of ways, life experience lends wisdom and children are still very much a possibility.
I know you have had difficulties with medical professionals, and perhaps the idea of keeping on seeking the right one can be pretty daunting, especially repeating everything you have said before all over again. From my own experience I can say it is worth the effort, no matter how hopeless it can seem. I went from a real mess to someone who has a pretty good life with family, accomplishment and enjoyment.
To stop endless repetition perhaps writing everything down first and sharing the paper might help?
Medications were not right to start with and it took time and perseverance to find the right ones. Help is sometimes completely necessary, not only for your illnesses but also with the gambling. Trying on your own is discouraging and not always successful.
Can I suggest you give our 24/7 Help Line a ring on 1300 22 4636 and discuss what is available in your area.
With mindfulness I use a program on my smartphone. It is called Smiling Mind and is free. It took me a little practice but I have ended up relying upon it to take my mind way from harmful thoughts and also to relieve stress. Even the short 2 minute introductory session can make a big difference. I've used it tons of times.
You said before you were living with your parents, may I ask how you get on with them?