First of all, I just want to say how much I admire your bravery in posting here. It sounds like it would have been really really hard for you to do so, and I hope at one point you can acknowledge the incredible step you've made in reaching out and asking for help. I know how hard it can be to do something like this.
I'm so sorry for your experiences, it sounds like there's been a lot of hardships in your life and you've done really well to try and help yourself this entire time. I can imagine how endlessly tiring and frustrating it must be to get through these things in the day-to-day and to have people tell you they can't help you.
I know that you might not be up to going back to therapy right now, but I'm wondering - have you tried therapies other than CBT? I know of a lot of therapies that are far more effective for trauma, depression, and all of that than CBT specific things (e.g., narrative therapy, schema therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy) that can be insanely helpful.
I might make one more suggestion as well for you if that's okay - just trying to do one nice thing for yourself every day. It can be really small or really big, for me it might be something like drawing, or having my favourite dessert, or going for a walk, or dancing, or staying in and watching TV and not doing anything.
I hope you're doing okay and thinking of you, I'm here if you want to keep chatting.