Hi, I am 38, turning 39, female and a bit over three weeks now I left my house and my former partner and faced the virus head on rather then deal with said former partner. So you could say I was a bit desperate. I found myself a safe place to stay at a backpacker hostel and was in such poor metal and emotional state that I shut down for a few days, which lead to me been reported missing. Once I reassured the Police I was actually ok, it still took me a few days to recover enough to get in back in touch with my sister who has been a massive help. She kept me going even when said former partner started emailing me, trying to get me to come back. The actions he took while I have been gone, from what I've been told, has led to him been arrested. I have been assured that is safe for me now to return home. While I am a little apprehensive, I am hoping that I can reset my life and move forward from here.

Hi Mar8ie,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. We are so sorry to hear about what you have gone through with your former partner. We think you are such a strong person to have come through so much and have such a positive and proactive perspective on moving forward in your life. We are really grateful that you were brave enough to reach out to the forums this evening as we know this can be difficult to do for the first time.

It's great to hear that your sister has been such an amazing support for you. If you feel that it would be beneficial to you to talk through your feelings and experiences with a counsellor, please, contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.

Hopefully a few of our welcoming community members will pop by to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help you get through this time of adjustment. Our community would love to help you in your journey of pressing that reset button.

Dear Mar8ie~
I’ll join Sophie_M in welcoming you here. It is great to read of someone who has had the self-confidence, determination and ability to leave their home.

I realize your relationship with your husband was intolerable. Do you mind if I ask what was it that made you decide to leave? Of course, you do not have to say anything unless you want, it’s simply knowing more of the circumstances allows for more specific and less general advice - something you deserve.

I’m glad you found the hostel, and it gave you time to regroup your thoughts and enter a calmer state. Desperation really does leave its mark and takes time to recover from.

Having a sister who is there for you can make all the difference, so many people have been deliberately isolated so have no one at all. It helps so much, not only in practical terms, but also so you realize your thoughts and actions are normal and justified.

It’s only natural to be apprehensive to return home, when you left things were intolerable and the idea that your former partner may harass you will be in your mind. Hopefully being arrested will make him realize he needs to keep out of your life.

May I suggest that now is the time you need support, preferably from those for whom your situation is one they deal with every day.

Sophie_M has already mentioned our 24/7 Support Service and I’d like to add in cases of mental or physical abuse 1800 Respect - 1800 737 732 can give you advice, tell you what to expect and generally support you or point you to those that can.

I’m sure it will be a stressful time at least for a while, please feel you can come here anytime and discuss anything you’d like, major or minor, you will be welcome

Croix

Hi Mar8ie

What a whirlwind you've been through and what an awesome set of achievements you made to get to where you are now. You are amazing!

It's so nice that your sister is supportive and caring. You seem to have a lovely relationship with her. Yay.

I echo calling numbers for help and found the 1800RESPECT line incredible in the midst of leaving a domestic violence relationship. There is also a DV helpline which is fantastic too. You may or may not need legal advice and there is a free Women's Legal Service which were awesome for me. They supported me for years and were WELL on top of the legal issues I had separating from a DV marriage. Victim's Services were faultless in their handling of our situation, so I understand that if you have had police involvement, then you have verifiable reasons for getting their support too. Victims Services may be able to install CCTV at your home to help you feel safer. I have lots of other support groups too if you need them. Please get every ounce of support you can.

Please let me suggest securing all your accounts with new passwords asap. It is very important that no one else can access these. With control being the centre of an abusers world, it can be difficult to 'cut the ties' with all your accounts. Mine were a shocking mess and I had no idea the extent to which the abuser from here had accessed every single thing in my name. I found the Australian owned companies to be best in handling things once I mentioned DV, even though he had accessed my Superannuation illegally. With others I ended up closing accounts and opening new ones eg my Internet provider.
Some companies and all Govt sectors can put in ultra high security eg voice recognition and secret passwords. A new email account is very helpful too.

Sorry if this seems to much! I just wish someone had told me all this back then lol.

You've got this!
I Pray your journey from now on is a lot smoother.

xxxxEM

Hey Mar8ie,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your honest post. My heart goes out for you, having to flee during this time into the unknown - but being so brave knowing that ultimately it's worth it to be away from your partner. Sometimes life is like that - we get to a point where we have taken so much abuse or suffering and something just clicks - no more.

I hope you have a safe home to settle into soon and i'm so impressed with the resources the other two users have offered here.

I hope you are okay and safe today