OK welcome here HarryS, if I knew your traditional greeting I'd use it so you might know you belong here. Mine would be diwrnod da from Wales, where I had best of my upbringing
You hurt, and I guess the are two ways to talk. The first is the logical, that with time, therapy and very competent specialist care - plus love if you are lucky and receive and give it - you will come to see there is a life you can tolerate and later enjoy
I know it's true, I've been there, though for different reasons. Even down to making up scenarios like you, only mine were so I had 'another chance' at things, though it never seemed to work.
All very logical, and at the time I would not have listened, my disbelief too strong, the news too improbable.
Actually I ended up asking for help, spelled out my thoughts of killing myself again, and ended up in hospital.
A bit of a mixed bag. The Staff were so-so, and the other patients made me sad. Ones staff nurse was kind, gave me books to escape into. Actually went to his home specially, got them and gave them to me. They were fantasies.
Basically adolescent's books, but they gave me a retreat, a way to get away from the world into another, where heroes and heroines lived happily ever after and villains got their just deserts.
I still read fantasy, always with happy endings. Movies too.
Before you were injured by the family 'freind' I wonder. In may own case there is a place I retreat to in my mind when getting overwhelmed, or simply need to break out of my thoughts. I could use a program called Smiling Mind, which does help, and if you practice drives memories -and nightmares- away for a little while.
The only problem I find is that the calm does not last as it is not taking you anywhere, not like the books.
So I have a mental place in my mind I call up. It is from the happy part of my childhood and is a scene standing on a cliff, looking at grey windy seas, with squalls of rain. It blows me till I stagger and rain washes my face and I feel the largeness of the world, all the possibilities - plus apart from my face I'm snug, dressed warmly.
There is more to life that you have been shown. Crying -me too -is no big thing,
Think on this, your father figure, who took his life. Being a father figure works two ways, It is more than possible your presence kept him alive a lot longer than he had originally intended, you may have given him a few years of contentment, or at least made life bearable.
Talk some more