Hi Centaured
Thank you for coming back to talk. It is a great relief to know that you have continued to make it through.
As a general rule, the more we can share with our carers and mental health practitioners the better. They can only help if they know what's wrong. Good on you for finding the courage and strength to talk to your case manager. I hope the discussion was helpful to you.
You've asked a good question, "Why did they hurt me if it wasn't my fault?" In my view, the actions of your abusers were depraved, evil, selfish, hurtful and unconscionable. They own their actions in their entirety. There is no logical way that you can be held accountable for their criminal actions.
I suspect that they hurt you because they could. They knew you had no one to protect you with dad incapacitated and mum gone and they knew that you were vulnerable. They also knew you were younger, smaller and that this imbalance of size, strength and power gave them a hideous advantage.
You are not to blame. Not now, not ever. You are a miracle.
You have survived and you are fighting for your best life. You have my support, my friend.
Kind thoughts to you