Hi, new here. and here is my first two cents worth.

have suffered mild to servere depression all my life. Almost always forced upon me by others. I have come the the personal epifinay that it is often more a waste of time seeking help or getting it, than it is worth, and my owns self realisation of my situation to get myself out of my ruts, is to use my other traits/flaws/obsessions, to re focus my depression into the only thing I am half good at.

and for the lovely kind hearted peopl that try to help on this forum, I will give just a fractional insight.

e.g. 1. when the ambulance take you to hospital  with a knee puffed up like a balloon and the doctor tells you that I am "waisting he bloody Time" (and I watched they playing solitare onthe computer)... that is such a dissinsentice to complain. (grade4 arthritis both knees) I have to stop half way up a flight of stairs to let the pain go down. (the number of times I have been told of by Doctors could fill pages, and the unbelieveable treatmenst I have been given. (taken by ambualce when my pulse was 39, went down to 38, but shown the door when they got me up to 45.. 28 times in emergency ward, so far.

2. professionals like Psychatrists (ordered to attend by centrelink) talking down to you like i am the village idiot. That I may be, but I have changed federal legisation. Doctors in Hospital giving medicines you are allergic to, despit being given red armbands on admission. Doctors saying I am faking thins, despit failing to read earlied doctors notes in my medical history. (one doctor, said I had the worst hearing he had come across in his career. but I can still hear somepeople above the steam whistles & Cicadas (Tinnitus). and constanly being made fun of for it. cant watch TV with out subtitles. (Have woken up Stone deaf on 3 occasions)

3. being made fun of for my poor spelling and typing (despite fighting Dyslexia all my life, and having my right hand sewn back together after a powersaw accident. 6 hours of surgery) I have had 'officials' send back my letters annoted with corrections, and friend even pubished a 'chid' in national magazine about this.. ( how to make a person feel great, not)

4.5.6. etc. I could go on an on.. but will stop there..

S.

Dear Clackers, 

Welcome to our forums and I am so sorry to hear that things are so incredibly difficult for you right now. As painful as things are, I'm glad that you decided to reach out to us today, and please know that this is a space where you can talk to us about what's going on without any judgment or negativity.
 
You've mentioned that you are experiencing physical pain, and that must make the severe depression even harder.  If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 
 
I know that things feel awful at the moment, but please know that support is out there. I'll open this up to the rest of our community to offer support and please keep us all updated on what's going on.


 

Hi, re help/help lines... using phones is almost impossible with my hearing. Ireguraliny have to drive into brisbane to hold a conversation tha lasts a minute, more often than not. i have even had help lines hang up on me, whe i cant hear the, and ask them to "speak up"... (i am learning Auslan from u-tube)

depression in spades. but not for the reason you would suspect. started whne i was at school, being beaten up at school every week from age 8 (i was the shortest kid in the class till abeshouse joined) etc. went home to the total aduse by mum... etc. double whammy. collapsing at school sports event, because i had glandular fever when i was 9 (and again ar 23. that has ruined my heart. almost all my hospital emergency admissions were coronsry... ) but that is not the problem. the problem is all the aditional abuse/humiliation when such was publicised to the entire school.

I have a hide thicker than elephants.. having been putting up with physical sexual and mental abuse from all sides & family, since age 7. the thing that cause depression, is when "helpers" magnify my problems by publicising/broadcasting such to 'the world' humiliating me. which happens even to this day. (just last week I offered to resign from the last club i am in, after I pointed out that I had heard less than "a dozen words all night" at the lectures.. which everyone laughted at.. I can put up with the deafness, but not the ridicule, which hurts most. (Snails have more of a social life)

and the above such continued ALL my life. eg. during the 2011 Flood, the "helpers" that turned up, helped themselves, told later that many just carted my stuff the their cars.. even looted by Police officers. (took 2 years but eventualy they stood own the sargent, which made headlines inthe local paper, but endured years of harrasments. etc. (this is what I mean by So-called Kind hearted people turning my misfortune into their opportunity, rather that actualy helping. all my life I have been robbed. eg, the local kids know I cant hear them walking up my front steps, and so any parcel left on my front porch is whiffed. etc.)

I was in the suicide ward ward after the flood, dragged their by the police. not realising they were back in myhouse helping themselves.. and depression set in. could not eat, and the male nurse said "no sking of my nose if you die..".. etc.. having ashbergerswhere I can remember as far back as 4 years ld does not help.

S

 

Hi Clackers,

Thank you for sharing more of your story with us, it sounds like your journey has been a really difficult one and we are so sorry to hear what you've been through.

We just wanted to let you know that you can also reach out to our Support Service through Webchat (3pm-midnight AEST): https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support or also through the National Relay Service which is designed for those who have a hearing or speech impairment.

Our friends at Suicide Call Back Service also have 24/7 webchat available at: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/

You might also be interested in reaching out to our friends at the Blue Knot Foundation who are there to help support survivors of abuse and trauma. They are available 9am-5pm on 1300 657 380 or also through email here: helpline@blueknot.org.au

We hope that you can find some comfort here on the forums, and please do feel free to keep us updated on how you're going, whenever you feel ready.

Hi, while I see that you genuinly try and help people, my experience with "Help" has put me off ever asking for help, no matter how dark my depression gets..

I have no doubt that you offere are heartfelt an genuine., and your good people experts at what they do, I could never bring myself to ask, or get. the untimat embassing humiliation. I will contine to 'endure the un endurable', though my cancer has come back will be my end, not fellow desea..

but even at the catatonic level, when I jsut crawl into bed and sleep, slept for 6 months on a muddy floor under my house after the flood, i am not suicidal. there is a difference between such. Churchill wrote He could never get on a train platform with out the feelings to throw himself in front of a train. But never did.. I have had that same feeling, but never have... my self critique and realisation, hind sight, often comes to the fore, and embarrases me again. i often think to much and type to fast, to realise what I have said or done.

best wishes and regards, S.

Hi Clackers,

I've just read your posts here and was very moved by what you have shared. I've read that Sophie has offered you the opportunity to reach out and chat and that it's very difficult for you to trust that support, especially because there seems to be a lot of barriers between you and feeling the benefits of chatting about how you feel. I found using the forums here a really positive way of building my confidence to seek more help outside of them. I feel a little bit like we are not so different. I felt like I couldn't be understood and that the things that had happened in my life had been done by awful people who didn't care about me so it was very hard to trust that anyone might want to invest just in helping me feel better about my life. I knew the problems I had couldn't be fixed by anyone but I didn't know how it felt to just share them and for that to feel OK. It has taken a long time but I can feel the benefits of talking and writing now. I can feel like I have some power in a conversation and that what I have to say matters and is heard and accepted. More importantly, I think that what I have to say matters and there's nothing more comforting that knowing that what you have to say matters to you.

I hope you find some ease in your life, Clackers. I hope you find someone who will help you understand how much you matter to yourself and that that love is the most important thing in the entire world. The more we love ourselves (really love ourselves, warts and all) the more meaningful we are to one another.

I'd like you to know that I think you matter. I'm living in Melbourne at the moment and if you have some time over the next couple of days, I'd love for you to give yourself a moment to focus on the fact that there is someone in Melbourne who thinks you're important and wants your life to feel easier and more restful and less painful.

Take care of yourself, mate.

I have tons to say, but and tons of knowledge, realise it is all wasted. (read the official secrets act on 3 occsions) but when I tried to raise so many issues, once had a bullet hole though my front window.. and that Suicide Ward can be used by "official sources" for their own gains, other than what it should be for. one interview with the 'Psychiatrist" got me released next day. never been to any uni, but was appointed by Sydney uni to a federal gov position for my knowledge, an dseconded but 2 other highest sources.

as I now look to the end, I realise that my life never mattered, ever. to mum i was free slave labor. (she worked 7 days a week, even to the week before she died of cancer.) to the National Library, who sell copies of my 12 manuscripts on line, with out asking, I am just there to be pirated, because no one else want to put in the hard yards I do, etc...

again typing (very badly) my thoughts..(this done at 3am, as brainstom letters can give me increadible insomnia, and I cant type fast enough to get it all down.

but I can look at myself, and the black dog thatchases me, and relise when I have reached dthe depts, and turn to my obsessions and many many hobbies that lift me out.. I realise that I am my only cure, no one else can help.. sorry. (sadly feeling is that to many others in similar situations cant dig themselves out, and spiral beyond to point of no return.)

S.