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Topic: Advice needed

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Debbie2021
    Debbie2021 avatar
    1 posts
    19 May 2021

    Hi all

    I am over 50 and divorced 5 years ago. Not interested in dating until recently.. super happy and love my life. ... very very positive person snd happy in my own space. I have been dating a man for 3 months. Very deep person (unlike me) and have such a connection and fallen in love feeling lucky but cautious.
    tonight I find out by accident (long story) that he is on medication for anxiety and depression. He hadn’t shared that. Such a deep connection that I want to

    pursue... but looking for our advice Please share your experiences.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15314 posts
    19 May 2021 in reply to Debbie2021

    Hello Debbie, and a warm welcome t the forums.

    Sometimes it may take a while for someone who has been in a marriage or relationship to decide that now they want to be with someone else, so I'm very happy for you, but he may not have wanted to disclose this to you, in fear of not accepting his condition, but if you love him and vice-versa then this is an avenue to get to know him more.

    He may be slightly frightened to mention this to you, solely because others may have given him a difficult time, that's why he may be apprehensive, so you could just mention that you've noticed the medication and understand how he could be feeling, but you're there to help him and would like to know what he's suffering from and if there is anything you could do to assist him.

    It's just about approaching this with the knowledge it could be something he's wanted to shield from as many people as possible and maybe scared of any reaction, but if you love him as you say you do, then you can ask him, one point is it's not good for someone who may have Depression of any kind to be asked question after question, that's what I always didn't like, cause I didn't have any answers, but when he wants to talk about it then let him have the floor.

    You could possibly ask him if he's still having treatment, that's a fair question for you to know, because this might open up another door that he's closed to everyone else.

    We'd really be interested to hear back from you whenever you're availale.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

  3. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    jtjt_4862 avatar
    310 posts
    19 May 2021 in reply to Debbie2021

    Hi Debbie,

    To add on to the fantastic advise by Geoff, it takes great courage for someone to speak about something that they're not comfortable with. Especially when they want to share it with someone whom they love, in fear that they might face rejection because of it. Recognizing that effort, and showing empathy and compassion about what he's going through, will help make him feel comfortable to open up more to you. Also it will help build your relationship with him.

    I wish you all the best Debbie, and also interested to hear back from you on how you went.

    Jt

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