From what you've posted I can see that although you love him, he isn't, from your viewpoint, fully committed as he has made contact with his ex a few months back.
The turmoil between you both has been from his past relationship, property matters and other things.
I'm sorry but when you add his concealment of his relationship with you and his emails to her that isn't a good look and it certainly not an indicator of full commitment portraying a happy partner. If happy, wouldn't he mention you with pride?
As far as how his parents treated him, yes there could be segments as to the effect on him, but imo you can get caught up in these deep psychological issues and leave the obvious and direct to be seen as less important. I leave psychological topics to psychologists.
Your main question surrounds trust in that you are not convinced he won't seek connections with his ex. Yet you say you love him. He doesn't ever say "I live you" which, frankly, is a common thing to say in a relationship.
I don't think you'll get the "equality" of which you seek. All relationships have a crossover section of compatibility e.g. close to the same values and treatment of others. Among those is consideration, commitment, trust and lesser one's like age difference, career and if you both like children. The more things you have in common the greater chance of success and stability. In your case, unfortunately, some basic inner circle qualities are not there.
Due to the above I would certainly reach out to a relationships counselor. If he doesn't want to attend then attend alone because the missing commitment and lack of trust won't mend itself.
I hope I've helped at least to clarify some of the standards we enjoy in a strong relationship.