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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Boyfriend is too busy for me

Topic: Boyfriend is too busy for me

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. blink--
    blink-- avatar
    16 posts
    27 July 2016
    So for quite a few months me and my boyfriend have been having arguments because I never see him. He says he's just too busy with work and today he actually admitted that he's too busy for a relationship and he basically said that if I can handle it the way it is then to just keep going but otherwise it might be better for me to leave because I'm always crying and lonely. I feel so guilty leaving but I can't keep having the same argument and getting disappointed when he says I can't see him. I love him so much we've been together on and off for 6.5 years but I can't handle never seeing him. I'd rather be alone than be crying and lonely all the time but I feel so guilty :( I really don't know what to do
  2. Scotty girl
    Scotty girl avatar
    1 posts
    27 July 2016 in reply to blink--

    I feel for you, I know this situation well as I have experienced the same. It is such a horrible feeling to be lonely in a relationship, it does not seem as if your partner is being very sympathetic. Many relationships can work even though you have limited time together-it is how you spend your time together when you have that free time. If it is spent arguing then it is not fun for either of you.

    Could you perhaps book a little holiday together to try and take the focus off work and spend some quality time together?

    1 person found this helpful
  3. james1
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    27 July 2016 in reply to blink--

    Hi blink--

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's a little scary for me to post this because I was in the same position 2 months ago, but I was in the shoes of your boyfriend.

    Scotty girl got it spot on: it is absolutely how you spend your limited time together. If your boyfriend is serious about the relationship, your time together will be something you two can treasure, and that will keep you going.

    My ex and I unfortunately didn't get there in the end, largely because there were issues that were simmering from my past which I didn't recognise until after. But I'd absolutely second the idea of going on a short holiday. My ex and I hadn't been on a holiday for a while, and that made it even harder to see past the daily grind. I really wish I'd just dragged her along on a holiday one weekend, instead of letting her work get in the way. And ditto for my own work and ego as well.

    So, from someone who 2 months ago was standing where your boyfriend is currently standing, tell him how you feel and be firm about what you expect from him. 6.5 years is a long time and we can forget what we love about our partner but sometimes, it just takes a little spark to get things going again. If he's not willing to contribute to the relationship, then it's not worth being lonely and waiting for him to realise what he's missing out on.

    The only other thing I would add is, and you're probably already doing this, don't forget to ask him if there's something bothering him which is making him pull away. I don't know what he's like, but I need a little bit of prompting to open up.

    I hope that helps and let us know how you feel. This sounds very hard for you, especially since you still love him and are trying to make it work.

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    27 July 2016 in reply to blink--

    Hey Blink

    Just to clarify - your BF wants to end the relationship because he's too busy? So rather than admit that he doesn't love you any more he's going to use the "I'm too busy for you" angle? Im sorry but that's cowardly and lame. Also, why would you feel guilty leaving?? I'm not sure I understand this.

    Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like he's almost indirectly implying an open relationship - but just not saying it outright. Regardless I'd be doing almost a 180 - concentrating entirely on yourself (exercise, time with friends, etc) with little regard to whatever he's doing while you consider your options. I'd also be suspecting the potentially that he's already seeing himself.

    Please don't take my post the wrong way - I tend to look at the worst case scenarios but have been through some crappy situations myself and want you to look after and protect your own best interests. Feel free to completely ignore everything I've said of course....

    im sorry you're in pain. You're certianly not alone

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    27 July 2016 in reply to Apollo Black
    It sucks you can't edit posts. What I meant was - I'd be suspicious he was seeing someone else considering his recent behavior
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  6. blink--
    blink-- avatar
    16 posts
    27 July 2016 in reply to Apollo Black
    I've had that suspicion before but I know him too well he'd tell me. He's literally just too busy :(
    1 person found this helpful
  7. blink--
    blink-- avatar
    16 posts
    27 July 2016 in reply to james1
    I know for sure past hurts are effecting him badly and he said that sometimes it hurts to be around me so he pulls away. As for when we rarely spend time together we literally just sit in the car it's like everything we once had is gone. I just hate it because I can't imagine being with anyone else. Even if I were to book a holiday or something he couldn't promise that he'd come because work comes first. In his defence it is partly his business but it's like the shop first then me. In a way I understand but he even said he can tell me what I want to hear and that it's going to change but it won't. There's other little factors that make me worry as well like we both refuse to move from our areas once we move out of home and I said half way but he said no. He cannot stand animals in the house and I'm a massive animal lover and I refuse to leave them out or move without them. I know it's all very trivial but it just makes me think because we're so different now and we're both incredibly stubborn (Italians) for now I'm thinking I might just let it go and focus on myself. My whole life I've been a huge romantic and wanted to be in love and all that mushy stuff so it's going to be hard to not think about it but you guys have really helped :)
  8. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    27 July 2016 in reply to blink--

    Hi blink--

    Well done on making the decision to focus on yourself! That's a really brave but right decision to make.

    Like you said, it's concerning that he's not willing to compromise on all these little things, but put them together and it looks like a pretty glaring issue to me. So I completely agree that you need to give yourself the space to figure out what you want, because it sounds like he's not ready to be in a relationship with anyone but himself and his business (and I don't mean that in a nasty way! just priorities!).

    I'm also the biggest romantic and, if you're anything like me, it's going to be pretty rough getting through this next period. So please feel free to come and post whenever you feel like you need to air your thoughts. It's been 2 months since my break up and every now and then, I just need to vent to a friend. We're absolutely here to support you!

    From a fellow romantic with a (temporarily) broken heart, here's a great big hug for you! :)
    James

  9. blink--
    blink-- avatar
    16 posts
    27 July 2016 in reply to james1
    Thanks so much it really means a lot :) I've had my heartbroken by him many times before and it kind of gets easier but at the same time heartbreak is heartbreak whether you're used to it or not. I like that you said temporarily broken heart, I always try to remember that pain is just temporary. Hope you get better soon as well :)
    1 person found this helpful

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