Hi everyone

I really need to air out my thoughts. I'm seeing a psychologist on Friday but am going mad in the meantime.

Im married but am close friends with my ex and also in love with him. He feels the same way but we have agreed to do the right thing and not act on our feelings and commit to our marriages. There has however always been a little "window" left open for us to be together down the track.

yesterday he gave me the news that he and his wife are expecting their first child. I felt like my whole world came crashing down and that the window is now tightly shut. I want to be happy for him but I'm just so upset and feel like a bad person for feeling this way.

He has broken my heart before, and I his, I'm starting to wonder if that's all we will ever to do each other. 

I don't know what to do - whether to continue the friendship despite the pain or to cut things off and live without him in my life. 

I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about this because I feel so guilty about the relationship in the first place.

Hi Lookingforpeace,

Thanks for reaching out, and I'm sorry that you are going through this.  I feel for you as it's such a tricky situation.  I'm also really glad that you reached out to a psychologist too and I hope that he/she is able to help.

I can't tell you whether you should break things off or continue a friendship as that's really only a decision that you can make.

I know from experience that breaking things off is certainly a lot more difficult in the short-term but can be more rewarding as trying to negotiate a 'friendship' which can be really awkward and uncomfortable especially with a baby on the way.  I would suggest to you to consider taking time away from them both as obviously you are feeling pretty brokenhearted at the moment and so you need time to heal and feel better about yourself.  I wonder if you can invest more of your own time into things that you enjoy either alone or with your husband?  

Try to remember that it's okay to feel this way; just because you feel guilty about the relationship doesn't mean that you're not allowed to be hurt.  Let yourself be hurt.  It does sound cliche but it is the only way things will start to get better.

Take care, and good luck with the appointment on Friday. :)