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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Topic: Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

  1. Mil
    Mil avatar
    37 posts
    7 November 2019 in reply to randomx

    Hey RX,

    I'm sorry to hear about the new info this other lawyer gave your girlfriend, however it is really best to know or be prepared for this sort of things. The waiting-without-knowing can really make you nuts, I know about that first hand. The more you know, the better you can prepare.

    I'm repeating myself but you are absolutely right to protect yourself. As everybody said, it would be unwise at this stage to get involved financially. That's nothing to feel guilty about and if she cares about you, she will understand! Let yourself time to see how the relationship and your feelings evolve. It sounds to me like you're already supporting her emotionally and helping her through the complexity of administrative requirements, which is no doubt a relief for her as well as a testimony of how you care. It's already plenty.

    You still have time before February is at the door (if she even gets an answer by then, processing times are only getting longer). Are the lawyers she is consulting also giving her advice on what to do if the application is rejected? It sounds to me like applying to another partner visa might not be the best option anyway, considering the relationship is still young and you live apart.

    Sending positive thoughts your way!

    Mil

  2. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1052 posts
    9 November 2019 in reply to Mil

    Hiya mil , and thanks for that . Repeat away too btw no worries at all l need it haha.

    l'm sorry too btw that your going through the weight and stress but l think you'll be ok try to chill on it all a bit eh.

    l think l'm right protecting myself too but mind you, at other times l just think wth has random gone, all this caution and bs , would've just gone for it heart permitting few years ago and sometimes l wonder if l should just drop it all and bloody relax, enjoy and hope for the best or cross bridges if l have too later, l dunno. l hate it when natural feelings and instants get blended with caution because l just can't get a clear read on myself and when that happens there's too much of all this rubbish .

    l forget now why she thinks it'll be feb' . hope your right actually but yeah it does sound too soon and just and unlikely time and all doesn't it, never know might get luck with more time. She's still up in sydney, few more weeks yet gotta see the lawyer again but by then l'll be finished the last job with work and we just try to have a damn good no thinking no stressing holiday l reckon.

    Actually good idea for you too mil .

    rx

  3. Juliet_84
    Juliet_84 avatar
    285 posts
    9 November 2019 in reply to randomx

    Hi RandomX,

    I have seen some of your posts for the last while but have not commented as it is a difficult situation for sure.

    However, I think that we all get preoccupied with protecting ourselves at all costs (myself included), due to fear of what may happen, what if someone rips us off etc but in actual fact we can end up hurting someone who is decent because of our behavior.

    Judging from your initial post, you have now known this woman for 15 months, which I think is a reasonable time to make a reasonable judgement on a person and their intentions. I think if you think about her and ask yourself if you think she is trustworthy, you would say yes. I understand that this is a large commitment but I think that you need to decide one way or the other and commit to your decision, otherwise you could go on indefinitely half-in/half-out, which isn’t a way to live. Those are just my thoughts and another perspective so feel free to ignore 😊 perhaps you could set yourself a deadline, if this is not resolved by X I will do X? I have started doing this for myself and find it helpful for overcoming analysis paralysis.

  4. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1052 posts
    9 November 2019 in reply to Juliet_84

    Hiya Juliet how are ya.

    Thanks for the thoughts yeah pretty well agree l know what you mean. l've gotten myself into this stupid wait wait wait mind and just going in circles lately exactly, half in half out, it's really messing me up. l'm normally fairly go forit'ish yea or neigh'ish but l dunno, admittedly this is a seriously tricky one though especially at this stage after everything else. l'm fighting myself tbh. lt's both yaknow, maybe having to fork out 1000s if l did have to when we're just too new, or we were, and trying, and unsuccessfully anyway , to protect heart and myself, or something like that.

    But yep must be 14 15mths and l know she's 100% legit and she's only going through all this only for us and me at this stage , and it's been a lot.

    Anyway , she'll probably be down again soon so we can see where we're at between then and when it hits the fan if it does, hopefully l guess.

    Thanks for that muchly appreciated . rx

  5. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    12662 posts
    10 November 2019 in reply to randomx

    Hi RX, I still read your comments plus what other people have also said and you know I support you in every way possible, but can I just say that this situation is pulling you up and then down, so I worry about your own health.

    Please look after your best interests because what's going to happen in 5 to 10 years time.

    We care about you RX.

    Geoff.

  6. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1052 posts
    10 November 2019 in reply to geoff

    Gday Geoff.

    Thanks very much for the thoughts , always appreciated .

    Your not wrong it is, whatever happened to simple no brainers l ask haha. But ahh, l don't pace up and down worried sick 24 7 or anything like that don't worry, and work and other things going on take me away mentally too so there's plenty of distraction. lt's always hovering around in the background though for sure.

    Take care mate. rx

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Mil
    Mil avatar
    37 posts
    11 November 2019 in reply to randomx

    Hi there,

    Just dropping in to walk the line again - I do think it's necessary to protect yourself financially, but that's different from shielding yourself from your feelings. From what you write, it sounds like the relationship is doing you good if you don't consider the visa issue. It also sounds like you're already smitten, so if she is trustworthy, I'd say better live it through than putting an end to it too soon and end up with regrets. You never know how it might evolve. When I met my lady in Germany and she told me (about 6 months in, I think) that she'd like to go back to Australia in the future, at first I thought "oh that's a shame" because I had never contemplated moving there and could not imagine it at the time. And yet 6 months later this idea was already not as foreign, another six and it was in the planning. But that's just my own experience, and everyone's different! We also had time to live together first, and we could start with a visa that didn't require such a heavy commitment.

    There might be other solutions available than another partner/parent visa that would buy you time? Have you gotten professional legal advice on that? Even tourist visas can sometimes be extended (especially if her son is a resident/citizen), but then she wouldn't be able to work...

    Take care RX

    Mil

    PS: we did get a little holiday recently, it was lovely and did us a lot of good :) I hope you can do that too!

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