Hi Peppapig and welcome 😊
These forums are a safe and nonjudgmental place for you to talk and vent as you need so thanks for joining us and I hope you stick around and keep talking.
First of all... you're not alone. I felt very similar to you dealing with my own children (2 and 3 years old at the time). The guilt is overwhelming! I think that's why noone talks. Because it takes a hell of a lot of guts to say to a GP or psych or family member or friend... I don't feel anything for my kids and I feel like they'd be better off without me. But that's the depression talking.
Small kids drive even healthy people up the wall on a daily basis but for us with depression it is bloody hard work! Being annoyed and tired and frustrated is a constant so it is easy for the depression to sneak in and make you feel numb and useless and guilty.
And it's also easy for the doctors to keep saying be patient but in reality you know your own mind best. If you feel crap don't let them convince you this is "normal" because it may not be normal for you. Keep asking for help.
Please go back to your doctor and tell them what's going on with you. Ask for help. If they don't pay attention get a second opinion. I would have thought by 5 weeks you'd have felt a change... Maybe call your doc and ask about this too.
You mentioned meds... so do you just see a GP or a psychiatrist or psychologist or combination? Have they given you a diagnosis? Do you have therapy in place or just medication? Sorry lots of questions but it helps if you feel able to tell more. If you don't feel comfortable that is fine too.
Also... What supports have you got around you? Friends? Family? Spouse? Is there anyone regularly giving you time for yourself? This is important too.
Please take care and try not to be so hard on yourself. Yes we all want to be superparent but realistically we can only just do our best and ask for help. You're not alone Peppapig... I'm not winning mum of the year either but that's absolutely ok too 😊.
Hope to talk to you more.