Hi there A.Culeds - thanks so much for reaching out to the forum with great clarity on an emotional subject.
I feel for you and have been in a similar situation but not to the same extent I suspect.
As my wife grew closer to menopause, her desire for intimacy trailed off which is fairly natural. Our relationship became less physical and she was a bit moody from time to time.
We discussed it a lot and tried all the things you have done. What proved to be a success was going away on a series of 'surprise' weekends to pretty romantic destinations. Not expensive, but just a bit special. I took things easy and didn't force myself on her at all. Then towards the end of our second weekend she opened up, said how much she appreciated the attention, and we became very intimate.
We have continued these weekends but less often, and rotate whose turn it is.
Our relationship has become much better but I don't think it will return to where is was when we were younger.
I guess the big question is - are you getting what you want out the relationship? Of course intimacy is very important but she has made it clear she is not interested and doesn't want intimacy counselling.
So she hasn't told you that she doesn't love you, but you believe from her actions this is the case. I guess it is really difficult to know the truth without counselling with an objective and empathetic trained person. Maybe you could ask her in a very non judgemental manner if she does love you and does she want to stay with you, and what kind of relationship does she want. This will be pretty tricky as it will be very easy for one of you to take the 'blame' so to speak and get defensive. Make it clear what your needs are but also ensure she understands that you love and respect her.
I agree you really need to make it clear that sex is really important to you but you respect her rights as a woman and don't want to force anything on her that she is not fully supportive of. To have her agree to intimacy simply to please you is probably not a good idea either.
I feel with any relationship that laughter, shared experiences, respect, and missing each other when apart is so important. It always takes effort from both parties but it sounds like that may not exist with your situation.
I hope these comments help you a little bit - your situation is not an easy one.
All the very best in sorting it out.
Happy to discuss further. Regards, The Bro