Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, i am glad you are talking about this.
It is completely understandable that you are hurt and confused right now, it is an elaborate relationship you have been in and it really does sound like it's a bit broken. I think you would benefit a lot right now if you could spend some time with a counsellor, you can separate these issues you are faced with and come up with some ways to treat them, small steps towards feeling better. You say you are codependent, I have been there, maybe you feel (subconsciously) like you want to reconnect with her because of codependence rather than what is in your best interest.
Imagine, with the help of a counsellor you will be able to turn down the volume on the codependence, turn up the self awareness, remember who you are outside of a relationship, what do you care about, what are you passionate about? These are things that no one can take from you...nurture them.
I hope you can take some daily breaks from the emotion, go for a walk in nature, exercise, music etc. And hang in there mate, I know you can do things to feel better, talk any time.