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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Everyone picks my twin over me

Topic: Everyone picks my twin over me

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. WhoUnderstandsEmotions?
    WhoUnderstandsEmotions? avatar
    1 posts
    19 September 2021

    I’m not really sure if i’m being unreasonable or if it’s valid to feel so upset about this but i don’t know what to do. I have a twin and I love her, we used to be best friends back when all i needed was her but sadly we’ve grown apart. We used to share everything - parties and friends and I used to be okay with that until i realised that they were her parties and her friends. When it comes down to it, even at my own birthdays, I am alone. I would invite friends over for sleepovers and never actually see them because they spent the entire time with my sister, didn’t even say goodbye. After highschool i finally made my own friends, I was in uni and I was happy for the first time in a while. She sort of knew a friend of one of my friends and they all ended up hanging out together clubbing which i’m not really into so i tapped out early and went to sleep. I’ve had no contact from any of my ‘friends’ since, they’ve created group chats without me but with my sister and my only other friend. I understand them not always texting me but they’ve been hanging out with my sister since then and just don’t invite me. I had talked to them about my insecurities with my sister being more fun and interesting than me and losing everything to her and so the fact that after they all said they’d never ditch me for her that they immediately did so hurts. I was going to move out of a bad family living situation with one of them next year and now the sight of them (always with my sister) causes me to have anxiety attacks. It’s almost as miserable being at home but i’ve stopped going to uni classes because i can’t bear to be there anymore now that my sister is constantly around. I feel like i’m just being unfair because my friends are allowed to have other friends and i’m not a big party person so i wouldn’t always take the offer to hang out anyway but it hurts more that it feels like they’re deliberately excluding me. I tried messaging them about it but they just said ‘thats totally valid’ and never messaged me again.

    i just don’t know what to do. My sister says she’s not doing it on purpose so its not her problem if people just like her better than me. I just want one person to choose me over her, I’ve lost all my friends and even my parents. I’ve been the best person i can be, i’ve even tried making myself useful and being the friend that always has cookies or gifts or advice but everyone still leaves.

  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    12306 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to WhoUnderstandsEmotions?

    Who understands emotions,

    welcome to the forum.
    I am so sorry you are feeling alone and left out. I can feel the pain in your words.
    Firstly your feelings are valid and understandable.

    I don’t have a twin but I had a brother close in age who was very popular. My friends would befriend me just to meet me then not contact me.
    I was not social or popular or outgoing like he was. He would have friends over to his room and they would laugh at the nerd , me in my room reading when I wished I was with them.

    It is hard but there are people out there who share similar interests who you don’t have to impress. During covid of course it is hard meeting people.

    You said you have dropped out of uni classes, but are you still studying at uni.?

    It is easy to compare ourselves to others and for others to compare us either knowingly or unknowingly, but we are all different not better .

    This talk which goes on in our heads can be really upsetting for you as well your relationship with your sister.

    You are are a caring sensitive person who does not need to prove to others. What you are feeling is very real and many people reading your post will relate to what you wrote.

    You write very clearly and in a moving way about what you feel about what is happening.
    Did you feel a bit better after writing down your emotions ?
    Thanks for reaching out and starting a conversation,

    You are not alone and we are listening. Feel free to post when you want to.

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