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Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Family Conflict

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. xenoviah
    xenoviah avatar
    1 posts
    19 September 2021

    Hi,

    The last week has been rough for me. I've been constantly thinking about the future for myself and my family. I'm just an average 18 year old and my life cycle repeats itself everyday - attending online lectures for Uni, chatting with friends and doing what I enjoy. Recently I woke up to my parents having a massive argument in the backyard, I could overhear some of the things they were saying, including my mum telling my dad to move out. My parents argue a lot, but most of the time it's only over small things... so I guess that day was just overbearing for the both of them. I didn't speak to any of them until after my dad came home from work during the night, and straight up told me that he was moving out and it hasn't left my mind the whole week. I haven't talked to my mum about this, but my father and I have both separately talked to my step-brother about this - and he suggested I start looking for a job so I can help my mum pay off loans since my dad is leaving. My dad said he'd send over a large amount of money into my bank account every fortnight but I declined because it was a lot, to which he insisted on me taking.

    I've been struggling to cope throughout the whole week, having sleepless nights and have barely had an appetite, hell, I've barely been to any of my classes this week as well, time which could have been spent here has been instead spent lying in bed all day. I understand that this is just a way of life and I should expect this to happen, but it just hurts me so much. My dad leaves on Monday, and I'm just so concerned with what's going to happen to him. He told me that he's going to rent a room and continue working, but I'm scared that he'll overwork his ass off for no cause. He's been working for majority of his life and all I want is to be able to retire him and my mum, and I feel that life won't be the same as it used to be when my dad won't even be here.

    I'd like to know how I can cope with this whole situation and if there's anything I can do for both my parents' sake.

    Thanks :)

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    15314 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to xenoviah

    Hello Xenoviah, thanks for being here and understand what you are trying to cope with and sometimes the kids are able to sort out the problems between mum and dad, other times that's impossible because it may not have anything to do with the kids, so the parents need to come to an agreement or solve this problem the way they want it to be.

    The money your dad sent over could be to help pay the bills your mum has incurred and for you to find a job just to help pay her bills is a big ask, simply because you don't know what they are or why she needs help as she is responsible for her own debts, although rent money may not be included in helping her, but you can let us now about this.

    You are worried that with dad moving out is breaking the family tie and yes it's very much concerning because what they arguing about may not be serious, but because they continue to disagree it might be the final straw.

    Perhaps you could suggest for them to contact relationship at 'https://www.relationshipsvictoria.com.au' and copy and paste this in your browser as there is an online form to fill out or there are different places you can contact them, best to have a look.

    1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 s another site to contact

    You are able to contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat or online, these are trained counsellors and you will be directed to a person who knows how to deal in situations like this, plus these people dress in casual clothes, which seems to make a huge difference.

    Please get back to us and ask any questions you like.

    Geoff.

  3. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    quirkywords avatar
    12416 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to xenoviah

    Welcome Xenoviah to the forum and thanks for sharing your story.

    It is sad when you see your parents arguing and deciding to separate.
    Geoff has given help suggestions and those helplines are very supportive and resourceful.

    Arguing in front of children is very stressful for both parents and children, because as parents we worry about how it will affect our children.

    You are a very mature 18 year old. I know you worry about your parents but you also need to care for yourself and get support. It can be exhausting being caught in the middle of your parents arguments.

    we are here and listening.

  4. JulieS101
    JulieS101 avatar
    7 posts
    23 September 2021 in reply to xenoviah

    Hey, I am 18 aswell and I have been having lots of family issues similar to yours. My mum said she was going to move out on the night you posted this. however i don’t think this is the case anymore. my dad left for 6 months about 4 years ago so i understand how hard this must be for you. My biggest regret when my father moved out was not visiting a lot and holding grudges against him for leaving. If i was you i would find the time to spend with your dad and make sure he knows that you are there for him. Similarly be there for your mother in this difficult time. but most importantly you need to take care of yourself. you need to remember you are not responsible for either parents happiness. also try not to take sides as you may regret it in the future. my suggestion in this time is to receive professional help. even if you feel alright the clarity from a mental health professional can be so eye opening and beneficial. please take care of yourself and make sure to connect to trusted family and friends outside of the situation who can give you new perspectives and support during this time

  5. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15314 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to JulieS101

    Hello Juliesmith, thanks for your reply and it seems as though you also have problems that you've discussed, but if you want to begin your own thread then you will receive replies wanting to help yourself, otherwise, your reply may get lost in this important thread.

    If you don't know how to do this, then we will be able to show you.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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