I am a mum of three children and I am living in fear that I will lose my family. I have lived with anxiety for a long time now, & I blocked it from my mind for many years. I didn't want to admit that anything was wrong with me and over the years it slowly became worse. I am only just now seeking help for it as I want to understand it. I didn't have a wonderful childhood, a separated family myself, love and being loved was something we weren't shown, communication lacked as a family and keeping our distance was others was what we were taught. trusting other people was not heard of. my childhood memories are being alone with my older sisters and learning to fend for ourselves.

My husband &  I separated five years ago and have only come back together 12 months ago. Everyday I find that I need his assurance that he is there and he wont be leaving. I become extremely demanding and I am putting so much strain on him as he tells me all the time he isn't going anywhere, yet I struggle to believe it. I cant bring myself to trust him and am always looking for a clue if he is being unfaithful.my insecurities are extremely high and I don't know why. Everytime I begin to see we are happy and this will be our life, I turn it upside down. Its like something is telling me I long to have a happy healthy family but I am restricted to allowing it. I find I than may start a small argument over something so small, or I will become extremely worried and create stress in our home. does this relate to my childhood or is it something else. My family are my everything and I love them so much, my fear to lose them is making me feel sick most days. I just wish for normal. Any advise would be appreciated so much.

Hi reecemiley,

Welcome to BB and thanks for reaching out.

I'm really glad that you posted because living with anxiety on it's own can be hard yet hiding and blocking it can be so difficult I can understand that it's bottled up.

It sounds like from what you've said that your anxiety is causing you to worry about your husband leaving, in which case it's the anxiety that's the cause not your husband.  I would really recommend giving the BeyondBlue hotline a call or reaching out to a counsellor or psychologist for more support.

Unfortunately anxiety can manifest itself in very odd ways. I know from experience that no amount of reassurance can make you feel more in control and make you feel that your husband won't leave.  Unfortunately this is only skin deep and it's not until we start to deal with what's causing our anxiety that it can give you more control and power over your life.

Take care.

dear Reecemiley, I am pleased that you have decided to post a comment on this forum.

Your upbringing was perhaps not what you wanted in hindsight, no emotional security, shown no real love and living those years in anxiety, it's not what anyone would want to be brought up in, but perhaps with a separated family there was a big problem not in yourself back then, but with your parents who must have tried to cover you up in the real world, so now it's all coming back to you to haunt.

This would create PTSD, social anxiety and yes part depression, and with all of these troubling you there is a fear of your husband leaving you and perhaps having other sexual affairs.

It's part of this illness that when you feel everything is going great, you suddenly have this urge to think the opposite, and all those awful thoughts come into your mind, it's no fault of yours, that's the way you were brought up in life, but this can be changed, and by doing this you would need help from a psychologist who deals in these exact problems.

There is love within you but you have to get rid of these feelings, that is stopping you from participating as the rest of your family are now trying to get on with their life.

I know it will be a battle for you to overcome these feelings, but now it's your family and not years ago when you were a child, there is counselling that will be able to help you, so it might be best to contact the BB chat line who will then direct you in the right direction.

I would be really pleased if you can get back to us. L Geoff. x