dear Reecemiley, I am pleased that you have decided to post a comment on this forum.
Your upbringing was perhaps not what you wanted in hindsight, no emotional security, shown no real love and living those years in anxiety, it's not what anyone would want to be brought up in, but perhaps with a separated family there was a big problem not in yourself back then, but with your parents who must have tried to cover you up in the real world, so now it's all coming back to you to haunt.
This would create PTSD, social anxiety and yes part depression, and with all of these troubling you there is a fear of your husband leaving you and perhaps having other sexual affairs.
It's part of this illness that when you feel everything is going great, you suddenly have this urge to think the opposite, and all those awful thoughts come into your mind, it's no fault of yours, that's the way you were brought up in life, but this can be changed, and by doing this you would need help from a psychologist who deals in these exact problems.
There is love within you but you have to get rid of these feelings, that is stopping you from participating as the rest of your family are now trying to get on with their life.
I know it will be a battle for you to overcome these feelings, but now it's your family and not years ago when you were a child, there is counselling that will be able to help you, so it might be best to contact the BB chat line who will then direct you in the right direction.
I would be really pleased if you can get back to us. L Geoff. x