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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.

Topic: Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.

  1. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2678 posts
    4 September 2021 in reply to ecomama

    No worries em

    Yeppa , that's their world . l've got another acquaintance not close, over there she says to me one day , l shyt you not - it's not that bad l've only known 20 people or so personally that have died from all this. Only 20, it's water of a ducks back. ps , weird thing on that front actually, no ones heard from her 5mths.

    But yeah LD eh , fun fun fun , not. GF's smack in the middle of Sydney through everything up there right now, all locked up like a criminal , heart cries for her but she's trying to stay positive .

    Take care eh.

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  2. geoff
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    5 September 2021 in reply to WaterFront

    Hello WaterFront, thanks for getting back and it's always disappointing when 2 people have great plans to start a business, then for some specific reason the two of you have a falling out between the two of you, then not only yourselves suffer but also the business, unless other arrangements are made with or without consent.

    I know how you have felt for the last 15 months and it wouldn't have been easy for you, WaterFront, I'm sorry.

    Are you interested in selling your share or will this just prolong or reactivate your sorry because that's what we don't want to happen?

    Can I mention and it's not prude for me to mention this, but as soon as I became depressed I had 6 months worth of work in front of me, being self employed, I could have tried to sell the business, but at that stage, I didn't care what happened, so I let it all slide away, so I understand what you may or may not want to do.

    There can't be any discredit to what you decide to do, it's all about looking after yourself.

    My thoughts.

    Geoff.

  3. geoff
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    5 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hello RX, I hope under all these circumstances that we do hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel, funny that, I remember saying that years ago.

    With this virus who knows what the politicians are going to force us to do, and what happens if Wuhan produces another crazy virus, are we going to be closed again for so long, the country is going broke.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. WaterFront
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    56 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff,

    Thank you for acknowledging how I have felt. I don't know why but it somehow makes me feel a bit better. Being heard I guess. I've moved on heaps in that time. Still sad about it but not any where near what it was like when it first happened. It took me 9 months to slowly emerge from it and that was prompted by something she did at that time. I have emerged though and am finding ways each day to continue getting over it.

    WaterFront

    1 person found this helpful
  5. ecomama
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    5 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx and hi everyone (thanks for the reply Geoff, expand away!)

    Much to the Premier's indignation we're no longer considered a part of Sydney lol!
    Never were before but all of sudden we were bundled in there.

    So we've been under same LD conditions as Sydney all this time, 3 months and counting.

    Yes the attitude towards the virus is varied from country to country indeed.
    OZ is making the news in America far more than any C19 news about their own country - media hey.
    But when BF tells me stuff he can't believe he's reading, I say yep, saw that happen or yep that's true.

    Anyway back to the lost in love topic.

    Hugs Waterfront, this time is hard.
    I hope the bandaid can be ripped off quickly now.

    Some times it takes a looooong darned time to see someone's true colours. As I read once a long time ago "When someone SHOWS you who they are, believe them the FIRST time". I wish I'd gone with that when I first met son's GF, she was the rudest young person I'd EVER met (and I've know hundreds!).

    One son had his whole life put through the wringer because he loved his GF. Moved way down South, began Year 12 at a costly school. She broke up with him a few weeks later and he didn't tell us. He was hoping she'd change her mind. But her and the whole family became more abusive towards him.

    He moved into a tiny attic room the day of LD.

    Thank God for LD for him and us. He's been home this whole time. He was down to 50kg and he's almost 6ft tall. That was a 13kg loss as I'd asked him to weigh himself before he left, he was 63kg then - mama just KNEW this was a very bad idea.

    He's NOT good, but still, he continued his studies. Last week he trumped his Maths exam scoring almost 100% - his teacher can't find an error so passed it to another Maths teacher in another school to mark lol.

    Yesterday ex GF said she wanted to catch up with him (yeah she's moved back up here too ugh!)... and he said "Nahhh I don't want to do that thanks". He's only responding bec they'll all end up back down there for the HSC exams come November. After that he never wants to speak to her again.

    And good for that too.

    I saw a funny convo in the Mindhunter series on Netlfix, about what a father said to his son about Love.
    I can't phrase it here, it'd be moderated out but it was SO funny!
    SPOT ON TOO.

    It can really tug at the deepest parts of our soul.

    Tbh I'm really grateful I have the capacity to love and experience this emotion. Shame it can cause so much suffering.

    Love EMxxxx

  6. geoff
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    6 September 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hello EM, I'm really sorry that your son has lost so much weight, but if he can get almost 100% for maths then he's a genius and hopefully, now his mind is on studying, then he can get over his previous girlfriend and slowly build himself up once again with his own agenda.

    To love and experience this love, unfortunately, when something temporarily disturbs how we feel, can certainly severe how we feel, but then making up is the best part.

    Love is a trust we naturally want, when we have someone next to us, not only physically but from a distance because we can rely on them, but as soon as this is broken, the relationship is at risk and questions develop and it could be difficult for your mate to know that you no longer trust them.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. randomx
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    2678 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Yeah trust is such a huge thing. lt basically costed me one relationship since divorce, hence the letter l was wanting to write, and boarder line the second too possibly.

    ln both situations l just needed time , and a bit more time , and everything would've been fine. But unfortunately women are strange when it comes to time, and trust too really. They seem quite prepared to just jump straight on back in they're very very game like that.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  8. randomx
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    2678 posts
    22 September 2021

    Just an update on the letter l sent to ex umm, there is no update.

    But of late l've been feeling again l will hear from her though, l always knew it might be awhile if l did, even mths.

    l wouldn't say things are necessarily better right now but they have changed a bit so if she does happen to appear from here , atm l could handle it , so at least that's something .

    rx

  9. geoff
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    23 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hello RX, I think with being in lockdown everything could change on a daily basis, like who in Vic could ever predict an earthquake, the same with our government, who knows what they will decide on today and then maybe backtrack once again, so your hopes RX may turn out to what you are hoping for, I really hope this happens for you.

    Keep this thought going, my friend.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    23 September 2021

    I am feeling totally lost, having an anxiety attack and so in love I don’t know what to do....

    The weekend before last we were together and very intimate, he initiated the kisses and was all over me, I could feel he was so attracted to me as he kept complimenting me.

    He kept asking what I was thinking and I answered him but not directly because I didn’t want to scare him.

    Anyway, on Tuesday night I said to him Re: your question “what am I thinking”

    I asked him if he really wanted to know and he said yes!

    So I came out with it and and told him I was so attracted to him! And that was all was saying for now....

    It seems he thought about my comment overnight and yesterday morning replied:

    Oh boy! Blushing....

    So I replied: You wanted to know!

    i have not had a response from him since yesterday morning when he said he was Blushing!!

    I don’t know what to do, do I give him space to get his thoughts together???

    I am freaking out that he is not responding!!

  11. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    23 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    @Randomx

    I really hope you hear from her, it is painful if you still love her and she is not responding.

    How long since you have sent the letter if you don’t mind me asking? Are you certain she has received your letter??

    Regarding your comment about women being game. I am prepared to jump in the deep end with this guy but am scared as hell about getting hurt, now that I have told him I am so attracted to him.

  12. randomx
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    2678 posts
    23 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff , and thanks very much for the thoughts as always.

    But man your not wrong , who knows where anything will be tomorrow or near future and what they'll do next. Mind blowingly surreal times aren't they eh , l hope you've been coping ok.

    But hope ahh , as l said earlier, l don't know about hope , for awhile back there l actually hoped she wouldn't reply at those times bc l just wasn't in a good place. lately , things have changed a bit and atm , it would be nice , especially to hear how she is and has been , but l wouldn't be holding my breath.

    Hiya Elsam and thanks for that . But ahh , the letter was actually to an ex from a long time ago that l've felt guilty for yrs about with the way things ended , so l finally decided to write. l just wanted her to finally know the truth. l've actually been with someone else quite awhile now since so it wasn't about getting back together or along those lines. lt would be nice to hear from her though , she's over seas, to just know that she's been alright with everything that's been happening and that she received and my apology. l sent it l don't know , over a mth ago , but even if l did hear back from her l wouldn't expect it to be this soon, maybe mths yet. Nah , no idea if she'd receive it or is still at the same address.

    ps , wouldn't worry too much, he'd have to be from another planet not to know your attracted to him. We don't usually be intimate or persist for mths and mths with someone we aren't attracted to right. Ask him what he's thinking .

    l know how scared and nervous you've been yeah, but yet your still in there trying you see, that's very common. The two women l've been involved with since divorce have both just wanted to go for it, so game, where as a lot of us guys me included become very gun shy and cautious.

    rx

  13. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    @Randomx

    I think I will just ask him what he is thinking in a casual way and say I would like to get to know him more.

    Surely that won’t scare him off, he has been pursuing me for 5 mths now!

    I don’t get why he has become so distant since we were intimate 2 weekends ago, although the did send me photos on Sunday!

  14. geoff
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    24 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hello Elsam, it must have been a beautiful time together, so you can't stop now, ask him to go and do something together, whatever you're able to during this period we're in.

    When you love someone, you don't stop communicating, you go 'hammer and tong', it doesn't matter who initiates it, either one person leads the way or both of you think the same, but don't sit back waiting to contact him, organise something, a romantic dinner wherever you like, but you love him, then contact him.

    Love doesn't exist if you stay.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  15. geoff
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    24 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hello RX, if you can go to the post office they will have books for every state, there you can find out if she has moved, believing she hasn't changed her name, then if you want you can write her another letter, then if or you don't receive a reply, you know where you stand.

    If her name doesn't appear, then perhaps she has married, I hope this isn't the case for your sake, but still worried she may have moved address even while being single.

    This will give you different options to decide on.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  16. randomx
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    2678 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Thanks for that Geoff.

    She's living in San Francisco last 3yrs on work you see. But with everything that's happened there , and her parents being in ltaly and with everything that's happened there too , God knows. She might've even gone back to ltaly to look after her parents .

    She doesn't use social media , same as me , so l couldn't check her on FB or somewhere , but she's a pretty officiant person so l daresay she would've left a forwarding address even if she did leave where she was.

    l'll just let it go from here. lf she did get it she won't reply straight away l knew that could be awhile yet. But she's known where l am all through anyway so even if she didn't get it but wanted to talk she knows where l am. Ha , she might've even got it read it but thrown it in the bin in disgust too. Who knows .

    Thanks my friend , hope your ok.

    rx

  17. Elsam
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    124 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    @Geoff

    I am crazy about him, I have this amazing attraction to him that I never even felt this attraction/chemistry with my husband.

    i am so scared of scaring him off!

    I don’t understand why he has become more distant since our last rendezvous when he came on so strong and gave me the impression he was so into me!

    Maybe he is just getting his thoughts together, I don’t know but I am so stressed

    I am going to send him a message this morning:

    Happy Friday!
    Have a great day!

    Just testing to see what sort of reaction I get.

  18. WaterFront
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    56 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    The not knowing part would be so difficult to deal with - did she get it, did she read it, will she reply - I suppose you can take comfort in the fact that you have tried as best you can to contact her and provide some closure for the both of you. I expect you have already considered this but I wonder do you have any mutual friends from that time that might be able to put you in contact or give you a current address. I am hoping she has received your letter, reads it in the caring spirit in which it was sent, and replies to you.

    WaterFront

    1 person found this helpful
  19. jtjt_4862
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    24 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya RX,

    You did great sending out the letter, and hopefully it reaches to her hands and she has read it and accepted what you've written. If it doesn't reach to her for whatever reason, then perhaps that's how things were meant to be eh. It is something that is beyond your control, and you've done your part. Letting her go would be the best thing you can do for someone who you still have feelings for, but cannot be with anymore. If she wants to reply to you, she will, and by letting her go, it makes for a pleasant surprise if she does reply.

    Jt

    1 person found this helpful
  20. randomx
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    2678 posts
    24 September 2021

    Hi waterfront and thanks very much for the thoughts and words.

    There's only one person but it would be disrespectful to ex so l' haven;t contacted her. But yeah , l've finally done what l can and what l've thought l should've done for yrs now, so it's done and l've tried. Tbh , l'm pretty sure l can feel she has actually received it and if so she'd def' read it even if it's flushed down the toilet later. So yeah , at least it's finally done.

    Hi jt and thanks also too for the thoughts , always appreciated. But yep , it's done , and l can know l've tried and if she did receive it then she now knows what l've wanted to say sooooo, reply or not it is a closure of sorts.

    l def' don't wanna disturb her if she doesn't want to be and as l said to her , l don't expect you to reply and that's ok if you'd rather not. But hey , not so sure about a pleasant surprise if she did, as l was saying awhile back l was actually pretty stressed about the possibility , but from here what will be will be. l've said my piece and hopefully she knows that now.

    Hi Elsam.

    He's certainly a patchy one and he certainly doesn;t seem to be in any hurry to actually nut this thing between you out once and for all or to make something real of it. Maybe he's just quite happy with some very casual thing. Tbh , l wouldn't be too worried about scaring him off it's been mths and mths if he truly wants to be with you then he's not gonna be scared off that easily. l'd be far more concerned about just what he actually does want , if anything , with you two.

    rx

  21. geoff
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    25 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hello RX, did you put your return address on the back of the letter, so if it's returned back to you, then she has moved address presumably.

    Elsam, ask him who he is barracking for in the football, he might be a strong supporter hat has his mind occupied.

    Good to see you both WaterFront and Jtjt.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  22. quirkywords
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    25 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Geoff and everyone reading

    This thread is so fascinating so I like to drop in from time to time but don’t often post. I learn a lot from others relationships .
    We all have different ways of coping, different life experiences and different things we won’t put up with and different things we will learn to live with.

    Thanks Geoff for starting this thread and your ongoing input.

    2 people found this helpful
  23. randomx
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    2678 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff.

    Well that's a point l've forgotten all about that but nope it hasn't popped up in my mail box. lt's been well long enough now if it was gonna be returned it'd be back by now.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  24. jsm1974
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    44 posts
    1 October 2021

    This time has been such hell on relationships. My wife and I are likely to separate soon, not because of problems with our relationship, but because of the impacts that working from home has had on her mental health. She now hates being in our place, and her distaste for the place has extended somewhat to me. She says that she feels like her love for me may have changed, which i've gathered is in the sense that I've been downgraded to friend. I have no doubt that all of this can be attributed directly to stress, having felt the same way in the past, but in this case I think it may be difficult for her to get those feelings back.

    I'm 47 years old, so I've been through my share of breakups, but this one not only makes no sense, but is a horrible tragedy. I love being married to her and we've always given each other so much love, affection, and support. Just seems so wrong for this to be what breaks us.

  25. geoff
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    1 October 2021 in reply to jsm1974

    Hello Jsm, I am so deeply sorry that because of us being forced into this situation that it has come to the point where you and your wife have to separate, not necessarily because you don't love one another, but a position that seems to force you into having to deal with all these restrictions, that change every day.

    Being locked up in your house that was once your dream home, can make somebody completely change their mind as it's four walls you can not escape from and could quite easily make you hate the place and can certainly alter the whole scenario.

    Her love for you may have changed only because the two of you are kept inside, but this may only be temporary and when the rules are relaxed, then by getting some help may change her attitude because she needs to be able to do other hobbies or meet up with other girls that may be feeling exactly the same.

    Perhaps you could encourage her to do this as well as you doing the same, and please remember the love you have for someone does change when you are locked up together but can reestablish itself when you are given back the freedom.

    Love does change when someone is stressed because it may then create other problems that were not expected to happen.

    I really hope she can get the help she needs to refocus back to you and if you want to get back to us that would be great, but my apologies.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  26. randomx
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    2678 posts
    7 October 2021 in reply to geoff

    l'm wondering lately , are there reasons for things ? like leading to this or that in the future but if things and life didn't happen in the way that it did, that future couldn't happen, and so they have.

    Personally l believe that if we are and have followed our true core path, then yes , life and things that happen all lead to another and another that were meant to be.

    But how often and this is the problem, can or do we follow our true path. It's not an easy thing to do and actually much harder than it sounds. Often to when two people are involved life takes a totally different turn than you would've chosen had of it all been up to your choice instead earlier , and so it hasn't been you true path. lt was instead a forced path , and they're the ones that cause life going of into all it's wrong directions and other things happening so the chips can not fall where and in the ways they may have been meant to for you on your true path.

    l know for me at times through life when it has been my true path there is a calm and a peace , especially within. But unfortunately it's been a long time now since anything has been following my true paths

    rx

  27. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    56 posts
    8 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi randomx,

    Thank you for the really interesting question. That may be so though how do you know which path is forced and which is true? Can you stray so far that you can't find the true path again? I've always thought that people will eventually end up where they are supposed to be, only some people take a quick straight line and other's take the long and windy way.

    WaterFront

    1 person found this helpful
  28. randomx
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    2678 posts
    8 October 2021 in reply to WaterFront

    Hi WF .

    l know for me , l know myself and l've always known whether l'm on my true path and when l haven't been. l mean it's not easy don't get me wrong , life can force different paths, being married can force different paths and def' having kids will also.

    But then again , l suppose we could also say well these are the turns life has taken for whatever reasons , true or not. And life does do that , we don't always have a choice right , it's full of twists and turns and corners we get back into.

    l can say nothing of the last 15yrs for me , has been my true path. Buttttt, what can ya do l suppose, there were big factors involved.

    Point is , l know l'm not where l am suppose to be now and this isn't the way things were meant to pan out. Maybe some good does still come of this path though, l don't know.

    rx

  29. geoff
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    9 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hello RX, WaterFront and everyone else, how do we know whether or not it's the right path you have chosen, even if problems arise and because of this, is it still the right path because that's what you and your partner are striving for, knowing that you might lose many friends along the way.

    So is losing your friends and achieving your desire worth it, because what happens if for some reason the plan goes haywire, suddenly unexpectedly, your friends have gone and you have no one to console you but you believed you were making the correct decision.

    So can I ask you, what is the right decision and how are we sure, presumptions we make may end up fine, but we aren't sure what will happen if the weather changes.

    I suppose getting older will teach us how to cope in a positive way and if it all goes wrong, then we can cope to overcome these problems to direct us back on track.

    Good question RX.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  30. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2678 posts
    9 October 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff and thanks for the thoughts as always.

    You mention friends , did some venture cost you friends as a result ? How did you feel going into the pub l also wondered btw , did you know deep down it might be the wrong move ?

    Unfortunately as l said for me there were huge T intersections in marriage and also in my relationship since . Sometimes l've known we need to turn right but they've wanted to go left and yeah , it's costed me hugely, completely changed my life and is why l am where l'm at.

    But what can you do, damage has been done. like you say in the last few lines though l suppose , we learn to except and overcome , try to get back on track.

    rx

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