I came here today because i was feeling low, but i read your post and i feel selfish now. I wonder if responding can help you feel less overwhelmed. Your situation sounds like a whirlwind of emotion. I only know that young humans improve as they become adults and that ADHD adults are near invisible amongst us. I am a musician and something of an artist so i'm going to suggest that you find immersive activities that are not skill/brain centred. Fingerpainting, dancing, singing, that kind of thing, and be intuitive so that you can enjoy being in it as well as your kids. Immitate birds, tv characters, make it fun. ADHD means a different kind of attraction/interest. I wish you all the best in finding some life space for yourself, and your partner too.