This is tough for me, but I'm at a place now in life where I'm not sure where to go. Thankful this place exists.
I'm just here to talk, look for advice and hopefully offer my own at some point to someone who may need it.
I'm 35, I have Spinal Stenosis and osteo arthritis which causes round the clock chronic pain.
I also live with crippling anxiety and depression, I see a clinical psychologist and take medication, most days it's not enough.
I used to hurt myself when I was younger, I have scars left over my arms because of this, I wish I could erase them.
My husband ( the love of my life ) also suffers severe anxiety and depression.
It's more terrifying for me when he's having an episode than when it's myself. Over the years we've both had some pretty big mental health breakdowns, a couple of which lasted the span of about 4-5 weeks. It's terrifying.
After my first major one in 2018 my husband bought me a small stuffed elephant as a gift, I haven't slept a single night without it in my arms since he gave it to me.
We are both unemployed, long term. This is the source of a lot of our anxieties, dealing with job agencies, being forced out to do things we can't handle.
Some days I think my husband would be better off without me, that if I wasn't around he'd have a better handle on his mental health issues, he'd probably have a job and not have to deal with this stress. Some days I just wish I didn't exist.
That's a grim note to leave things on, I'm sorry. Thank you for reading.