I agree that it is entirely possible that your family may not see that their behaviour is wrong. Perhaps even probable.
Hope it’s ok to share a story …
I have a very difficult relationship with my mother in law and she has done some horrible things over the years to hurt me. Which, in turn, has hurt my husband.
She has never admitted fault. She finds a way to justify everything she does. She has never apologised.
But I have chosen to forgive her. I don’t want to carry anger, grudges or bitterness, as I see it as a waste of my energy that achieves nothing and only hurts me. Kind of like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I also don’t want to hurt my husband. And I don’t want me, my husband or our children to lose our relationships with my father in law and the rest of the extended family.
So, who is right or wrong becomes less important when I consider the big picture. I keep to my firm boundaries and try to let things go and I have the love and support of my wonderful husband throughout.
Just food for thought.
Good luck talking with your father. I hope it goes well.
Kind thoughts to you