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Forums / Relationship and family issues / I've lost the love of my life

Topic: I've lost the love of my life

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Brokenandbruised
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Brokenandbruised avatar
    42 posts
    15 July 2014

    I'm not sure what to do.. I've tried everything.. Maybe someone can offer me some advice. I met a wonderful guy online about 3 months ago. We haven't met in person yet , he lives in another state. But we had gotten very close. We would chat on messenger each day, on the phone and on Skype. We had long video chats on Skype and even kept Skype on during the night as we slept. I fell in love with him, and I think he did with me as well. We talked about a future together. I was seriously thinking about moving to live with him. We were making plans for me to visit him. 

    Then about 5 days ago, I made a terrible mistake. I got insecure about a female friend he had. He still said he loved me, but I felt very unsure. So I started talking to other men online. It wasn't to find someone else, but more to protect myself. I didn't want him to be my only option. I was worried he would fall for this woman, and I'd be devastated and alone. He found out what I wrote and said I betrayed him. Because I was saying similar things to these other men that I had said to him. 

    He accused me of cheating, even though there wasn't any sexual or romantic element to my conversations. We weren't officially in a relationship yet, and he'd always said I can do what I want. So I was confused as to how I cheated. Now he's barely talking to me. He told me as a consequence of my actions, he and his friend are 'closer', implying they might get romantically involved. And last night he said the only thing he's considering now is whether he wants to stay friends with me. He said we can't be more than that now. 

    I asked to come and visit so we could meet and talk In person. He said it's not a good idea. I've apologise so many times to him. But he says I went too far, because also of hateful things I said. He said I've hurt him very badly. He said he can't trust me and can't forgive me. He thinks I was faking my feelings for him. But I told him I wasn't and I was insecure. I've told him how much I love him. But nothing is working.. We had something very rare and special.  He used to say that too. He was my best friend and the man I love. He saw all these qualities in me other people miss. We just got each other.. Now he says I'm a stranger.  

    I feel empty without him. He became an important part of my life. For the first time in a long time I had hope for the future. I'm  afraid I've lost him for good. If we stay friends, I'm not sure I could handle it if he becomes involved with this woman. 

     

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9744 posts
    15 July 2014 in reply to Brokenandbruised

    Hi B and B,

    Sorry to hear this.  I'm also sorry to say that there are actions we all do in life that we regret and furthermore- arent reversible.

    Having said that I also think this guy had a less that full commitment to you. He might have only realised it when you started the accusations. Then it kicked in. Either way, I think you might in the end have got a "get out of jail free card" in that your relationship would have got stronger and the let down harder to take.

    Dont give up on another love. Your next few months or so will be tough, a grief period that takes time to heal. Be kind to yourself and put this down to experience. We all make mistakes and we sometimes think the other person is totally committed when they arent. If he was, he would accept your apology.

  3. AGrace
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    AGrace avatar
    1214 posts
    21 July 2014 in reply to Brokenandbruised

    Hi BrokenandBruised,

    I have read a lot of your responses to others' posts, however am only just reading your thread now. It sounds like it's been a really difficult time for you. I wonder whether the relationship was getting too much for this guy? It can be really difficult to have a long distance relationship. It also sounds like you may have had some trust issues? It's difficult, but best not to start building a relationship when there is a lack of trust.

    It will take time and small steps for you to grieve, but I hope that you will find a light at then end of the tunnel, and one day get yourself back out there meeting people. I know I've read that you are in a depressive state at the moment. What sorts of things have you tried, or are you doing to get well? I am assuming you have sought medical support? Some gentle exercise, like walking, each day would be beneficial. It's also worthwhile setting a goal to have a shower every morning, so that you know you will get out of bed, then close the bedroom door to avoid going back into your room, this is something that has worked for me in the past. If you want to rest, do so in the lounge or in your back yard, or walk to a park and read a book there. I know the Melbourne weather is a bit dismal at the moment but dress really warm and don't let it stop you.

    I know there is someone out there waiting to meet you, just take this time to get yourself back to where you want to be, and then explore your options for dating again.

    Do you have a friend/family that you have shared your feelings with? I know others have really appreciated your words and support, it's time for us to give some of that back to you now.

    AGrace

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